


After Georgia

by xoelectric



Series: Georgia On My Mind [2]
Category: Blake Shelton (Musician), Blake Shelton/Gwen Stefani - Fandom, Gwen Stefani - Fandom, Shefani, The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: AU, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-02 16:39:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 66,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11513304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoelectric/pseuds/xoelectric
Summary: Georgia, I'll be chasing you the rest of my lifeGeorgia, welcome to the roller coaster rideWhen I come to youI know that you'll help me get throughI'll be there for youWe both know we could never choose





	1. The Telling

**Author's Note:**

> So, I started writing the epilogue out into chapters from the end of Georgia On My Mind. This work will probably not make sense unless you've read the original story. 
> 
> I'm not sure how long or necessarily where this will end up going, but here we go.
> 
> xoelectric

It was just like it had all been before.

Sitting in the parking lot, by herself. One hand resting on the steering wheel, another clutched to her purse. For some reason she had those nervous scared butterflies surging around inside of her even though rationally, she didn’t need to feel that way. She had no reason to be scared, because it was different this time. 

Tucked under her hand was a small appointment card with a date two weeks out scribbled on the front. Gwen turned to tuck it into the side pocket of her purse but her eyes caught onto it, staring at it instead. She let out a breath, the reality slowly beginning to hit her. It was almost as if her entire life flashed before her eyes, thinking of all the plans, commitments, everything they had going on that might need to wait, change, or postpone. She knew in her head it was something that would happen eventually, but she really didn’t think it would happen so suddenly. Then there was the media - oh god, the media. It was overwhelming to just think about it.

To add to the madness, they were boarding a plane within the next 24 hours bound to San Francisco to get married. 

This had all started a few days before, when she couldn’t zip up the dress she bought for the wedding. It wasn’t like her to be bloated, her lower abdomen suddenly protruding enough to make the dress uncomfortable set off an alarm in her head. She remembered standing and staring at herself in front of her full length mirror; just in her bra and underwear, a bewildered look on her face as she started getting upset. Why now? Why was her body not cooperating now? Forty something years and then all of a sudden it wants to do its own thing, retain water, or whatever, to make her feel and look like this? She didn’t know if it was her getting upset that sent the wave of nausea at the time or if it was something else, but she was soon hunched over the toilet, trying to catch her breath. Trying to hold herself together. Out of the blue, the idea that she could have been pregnant hit her like a ton of bricks. It was off to the drug store as she grabbed one of every brand of test before she found herself back in the bathroom, after chugging water and waiting. She took ten altogether. And they all said the same thing. 

She had called and begged her doctor to get her in before they took off to Northern California, and now it was official. 

Gwen pushed her car into drive, and slowly began to make her way home. 

It was a weird, sinking feeling she felt and couldn’t explain as she pulled into their driveway about ten minutes later. She stared at the front door for a minute before getting out of the car and opening the door to their home. The sounds of a kid’s TV show and the microwave buzzing from the kitchen came suddenly as she turned the lock.

“Baby, are you back already?”

Blake popped out of the kitchen and appeared in the hallway with a small kitchen towel in his hands and a soft smile on his features. Gwen looked back to him with a quick, small smile before her gaze fell and she walked up to him. 

“Did Pollo eat dinner?” she asked, her eyes looking over to the little one watching TV. 

“Vegetables and all,” Blake said with a grin. “I’m pretty good at that, ya know.”

“You are,” she agreed.

“So, you wanna talk to me and tell me why you’ve been so distant these past few days? You’re starting to worry me, Gwen. Why are you so stressed?”

Gwen let out a breath and pushed her lips together.

“Is it me? Do you not…do you not want to get married anymore?”

His words immediately grabbed her attention and her head jerked away from Apollo and towards him immediately to meet his gaze. “Blake…oh my god, no, absolutely not, that’s not it.” Now she was the one that was getting worried. She hated hearing things like that from him even if he wasn’t saying them. “We just…we just have a lot going on. There’s work. I haven’t started packing for us for San Francisco and…” she let out a frustrated breath. “My…my dress doesn’t fit anymore and I’m just really not looking forward to having to get that fixed before we leave.”

She didn’t know why she couldn’t just say it. She didn’t know why she had this horrible feeling in her gut, or why she was having so many triggers and flashbacks to the past. She felt crazy. She felt certifiably insane. Gwen knew she had a bad habit at pushing others away when she actually needed them most out of guilt, but it was just a habit she hadn’t been able to break a hundred percent, not even with Blake. 

He didn’t say a word, and a moment later she felt his arms gently move around her frame, and her head rested against his chest without thought. Blake’s hand moved gently up and down her back, and he only dared to speak once he felt her relax a bit into him. 

“You’re the most beautiful woman in the entire world, Gwen Stefani,” he said, then kissed the top of her head. “I love the way you are. Besides, sometimes you look too thin for your own good.”

“You don’t have to say those things, you know.”

“I don’t say them because I think I have to. I say them because I mean them.” He paused, feeling as if maybe she wasn’t in the mood for the compliments; god knew that it was nearly impossible for her to take them even when she was in the best of spirits. “I heated up some leftover pasta. Come on, let’s get some dinner in you.”

“I can’t stand the thought of food right now,” she said immediately, shaking her head, before looking up to him. “Would you mind just…fixing me some tea? I need to sit down.”

“You’re not feeling well again?” his hand laid across her forehead, then to her cheek. 

“I’m just really tired, that’s all. I’m okay, I promise it’s just…you know how crazy work has been lately and I’m not going to be productive trying to plan and pack right now so I think sitting down for a bit is my next best option.”

He was giving her a look of worry, which pulled at her guilt even more. Gwen pressed up on her toes and placed a kiss on his lips. Blake’s arms tightened around her and held her against him. She touched the tip of her nose to his and gave him a small smile. “I love you, baby. Don’t worry so much about me.”

“Gwen, I can barely even sleep when we’re not together because I don’t know where you are. You need to face the fact that you’re stuck with someone that will forever worry about you, no matter what.”

She pecked another kiss on his lips and set her heels back on the ground, and turned to walk to the couch but not before Blake’s hand reached to her arm. “Gwen, are you sure there’s not something you want to talk about?”

Gwen wasn’t sure if it was his persistence that was getting to her or something else but she felt herself cringe and shut her eyes tight as if she was going to cry and she was trying to prevent it. She shot her eyes up to the ceiling and huffed, shaking her head. “God, I don’t know why I’m like this, I shouldn’t be like this. Literally you’ve done nothing wrong and you’ve never done anything to make me question anything about you and I’m still a mess.” She let out a nervous laugh as her eyes met his, and the guilt hit her again as the perfect, sweet man in front of her only looked more worried by the second. 

“Come on,” he said softly, his hand moving to her lower back to lead her to the couch. They both sat down and Apollo perked up realizing they had come in the room and he grinned and ran over to the couch. Gwen grinned through her teary eyes and reached forward a bit and pulled the toddler up on her lap and kissed his cheeks. 

“Blake, I’m really sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“You don’t deserve all of this. I just…I feel really off and I’ve been having some flashbacks to…you know… _him_ …and it’s like I’ve been letting him ruin all of this for no reason when he’s not even around anymore, he can’t hurt us anymore and…and we have you. You, Blake, who is wonderful and loves us so much and has never done anything to hurt us.”

“You don’t need to apologize for your past, baby,” he said immediately in response. “I know what you’ve been through. I know that you’re still working past some things and those things take time.” He gave her a soft smile. “Thank you for trusting me to tell me how you’re feeling. Can I do anything to help?”

Gwen nodded her head a little as her eyes met his. She repositioned Apollo a bit so she could move towards Blake, cuddling up to him and tugging the toddler onto his lap, too. “Just this,” she said confidently.

Blake grinned. “You know I love holding my family like this.”

“I think it’s more than you realize…”

“What was that?”

She hesitated. “You’re holding three of us right now, Blake. And we’re your family.”

Typical guy, it took him a few minutes to piece her words together. But the moment it hit him what she meant, it was so obvious as the biggest, most excited grin and look of shock mixture came across his face. “Are you saying that you’re…?!”

It was his over the top excitement that washed the insecurities away as she grinned up to him.

“But wait, are you…you know, sure this time? Have you seen a doctor?”

“I uhm…yeah, I did…” she sat up abruptly, and gently moved part of Apollo off of her and fully onto Blake. “Take him please I’ll be right back…” she said in a hurry, practically jumping out of his lap and rushing off to the small half bath across the hall. The door shut and Gwen turned the fan on which drowned out most of the noise. She returned a few minutes later, sitting next to them on the couch again.

“See? And it all makes sense…dress not fitting, nausea...fun, fun times,” she said with a chuckle.

“How do you feel about this?” he asked her seriously. 

“Blake, you know how much I want a family with you. How much I want to give you children. That hasn’t changed.”

“You just don’t seem…as excited….as I thought you would be.”

“It’s just been a weird day,” she admitted. “You know, I’ve gone through this before and you know that was a bad experience. I repeated some of the same motions without trying to. Finding out, going to the doctor alone, sitting in the car after and some of those feelings came back of guilt and pressure of being scared. Just triggered by everything that was happening, even though there’s no reason for them. I’m just caught in my head.” She paused. “And um, this time around it is different. It’s harder, because I’m older and hearing terms thrown around like “high risk pregnancy” is scary. Almost like I don’t want to get too excited because maybe this would get taken away from us.”

“I wish I would have known. I would have gone to the doctor with you.”

“I know you would have. I didn’t want you to be disappointed again, though. Last time I jumped to a conclusion when I was just sick and I know you were a little disappointed. I was too.”

“That doesn’t matter,” he tried reassuring her. “Because this is happening now and I’m always here for you, no matter what.” She smiled at his words and cuddled up to him a bit. 

“So…girl or boy??” he asked excitedly, which just caused Gwen to laugh. 

“Silly cowboy, you really have no idea how this works, huh?”

“Absolutely no idea at all,” he said with a sheepish grin. “Thank god I have a good teacher.” He paused, letting the silence in the air rest for a few moments. “Hey…you know we don’t have to go to San Francisco, right? Not if you’re not feeling up to it. We can go to the courthouse in LA to get married for all I care.”

“No, no, I still want to go,” she said. “I’ll be okay. We’ve been waiting for this for a long time, and it will be good to get away for a little while.”

“You sure?”

“Cross my heart."


	2. Ginger Things

After a long morning of packing while Blake was out at a meeting with his manager, Gwen lowered herself onto the couch in the living room and let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding in. They weren’t going to San Francisco for more than a few days, but she felt as if she had just packed them all up to move there indefinitely. Or maybe she was just overly sensitive to feeling so tired. 

It was just the three - well, now, _four_ \- of them going upstate, and she was happy to just get a quick escape with her family. She was really hoping that the media wouldn’t find them there and by the time word gets back to LA, they’d be gone. She felt grateful that these kinds of things had not broken out to the masses; she knew and was dreading the day when her pregnancy became the hot story in the town and the cameras became more relentless again. 

She looked down to her somewhat bloated stomach. She knew she wasn’t far enough along to have a full on baby bump, but she knew the baby was the reason for it. It still didn’t fully register that she was actually pregnant again, it had all felt like a dream so far. She placed a gentle hand on her stomach and couldn’t help the small smile forming across her face. Her eyes closed soon after that, as she drifted off into slumber.

Gwen felt the soft brush of his lips against her forehead as she struggled to open her eyes. 

“Wake up, Sleeping Beauty,” the southern accent came, taking a moment to realize Blake had come home from his meeting.

“Blake?” she said a bit groggily, sitting up. Her eyes caught onto his and he gave her a smile, taking a seat next to her.

“You fell asleep on the couch,” he explained. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine, I mean yeah, I feel fine…what time is it?”

“It’s almost 2.”

“Seriously? I slept for like two hours,” she realized. “Well, everything is packed it’s just all upstairs still…and I have someone coming to the hotel tonight to fix my dress…here, I’ll start bringing stuff down…cause I know we have to go...”

“No, stay here and keep an eye on Pollo. I’ll take care of bringing everything down,” he said in response. “Take your time, the beauty of having a private plane is that it waits on us, not the other way around.” Gwen nodded in response. “Oh, I um, picked you up something on the way home…” he said, pulling a small plastic bag off the couch and handing it to her. “Look, I’m really sorry I…I accidentally spilled the beans to my mom when she called me on the way in this morning and she told me to go buy you these ginger tablets. They’re supposed to help with nausea, and I know getting on a plane soon you might need all the help you can get.”

She would have thanked him for being so thoughtful, but another thought was fighting for her attention. “You told your mom?” she echoed, almost worried. “How…um, what did she say?”

“Gwen,” he said with a smile and a slight chuckle, stroking her hair back. “Are you kidding me? She’s only upset because she can’t post it to Facebook yet. I’ve never heard her sound so happy in my entire life.”

“I forgot we’re going to have to tell people eventually. Like…I have to tell my parents. And friends. And then the media is going to find out. I almost forgot that this isn’t just going to stay between us forever.”

“Babe, I’m sorry, I really am I just…I mentioned you weren’t feeling well and she made a joke about you being pregnant and I started stumbling and…you know I suck at lying to my mom.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she shook her head. “I’m not upset its just weird to know that someone else knows. But it’s your mom and that’s a good thing. You actually saved me from obsessing over what her reaction would be, so I should be thanking you,” she let out a chuckle, taking the bottle of ginger tablets from him. “She’s right, too, ginger will probably help. You’re so sweet for getting these for me, thank you.” She pecked a kiss on his cheek before he stood up. 

“Don’t lift a finger, I’ll bring everything down.”

Gwen opened the bottle once Blake left the living room and popped two tablets in her mouth before reaching forward and taking her bottled water from the coffee table to wash them down. She stayed still and let the ginger settle on her stomach, realizing that they really did help and she found herself not dreading the plane so much anymore with these. She heard some noises in the background, product of Blake pulling their suitcases down the stairs and putting them by the front door. He poked his head into the living room after a few minutes of silence. 

“Did you just have the two navy suitcases for you and Apollo?” he asked, not wanting to miss anything. 

“Yeah, the rest is on the kitchen island that I’m bringing,” she said. 

He made his way back into the living room and sat down, his arm draping around her. 

“These ginger things are magical. Seriously, thank you,” she smiled up at him and pecked a kiss on his cheek. “Can you believe we’re actually getting married tomorrow? I mean, seriously cowboy, this is your last chance to bail.”

“I’m never going to bail,” he said confidently. “Over my dead body.”

“You know when we’re married, we’ll be able to file the paperwork for you to adopt Apollo. That is, if you still wanted to.”

“Pollo, come here,” Blake said to the toddler, who was nearby and mesmerized with the TV show on the screen just like he had been for hours. He was so mesmerized, Blake had to say it a second time. “Pollo, buddy, come see your mom and I…” Reluctantly, the toddler stood up and walked sideways and backwards towards them, his eyes barely leaving the TV. His little hand went to Blake’s leg as he stopped, still not turning his attention away from the TV. Blake gently pulled the toddler into his lap, letting him continue to watch the cartoon characters he was so hypnotized by. 

“You three are the most important things in my life,” he started. “Forget my career, the money, the private plane, the ranch, whatever. This is our family, and Apollo already is my son. But if something happens, we do need to make it official. Besides the fact that I’m dying for it to be real, even though I already know it is, it’s important for that reason, too.”

“I’m so glad to hear you say that,” Gwen said with a relieved smile. “You really are his dad and I don’t want anything to take that away.”

A knock came to the front door.

“I bet that’s our car,” Blake said, standing up with Apollo in his arms. He started getting fussy and whining when he couldn’t see the TV anymore, and Gwen turned it off. She thought fast, though, and took a few hurried steps towards the kitchen island and retrieved her iPad, bringing up one of his shows on there for him to watch instead. He started to calm as his little hands held the sides of the device, instantly entertained again. Gwen chuckled a little. “I wish it was always that easy,” she stated.

Blake got the door and picked up Apollo’s carseat and walked to the escalade waiting for them. The driver opened the car door for him and he put the seat down and secured it before putting the toddler into it. Once he was satisfied he was strapped in and ready to go, Blake went back to the door to help the driver with the rest of the luggage. Gwen came to the door at the same time with a large bag slung over her shoulder, and another one in her hand. Without asking, Blake moved towards her instead and took both bags from her and put them over his shoulder, before grabbing his own bag.

“What was that for?” she asked him.

“I’m not letting you carry anything. That also goes for Apollo, no more picking him up. You already strain yourself as it is.”

“Blake, I’m pregnant, I’m not fucking disabled.”

He stopped walking to the car and looked back at her, a little shocked at the harsh delivery of her statement. She just moved past him and climbed into the back middle seat, next to Apollo. Blake found his footing and walked to the back, tossing the last of the bags inside before closing it. He let out a breath before opening the side door to slide in the back and sit next to Gwen. She suddenly felt so guilty realizing what she had said to him. 

“That was awful,” she said quietly, keeping her eyes forward as she closed them. “I’m an awful person. I’m so sorry. And that’s all that it feels like lately, I just feel like I keep lashing out and needing to apologize to you. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Blake looked at her from the side and sighed to himself, gently moving his arm around her. “Please don’t get upset,” he said gently. “It’s not worth it. I know you didn’t mean that. You were fiercely independent when I met you, and I know that doesn’t just go away. Just…try and let me help you, please? You have the help, and I know you’re not used to it, but don’t feel bad taking it.”

“Okay, I’ll try. I promise.” And she meant it. It was a heartfelt promise and she was going to work on it. 

It wasn’t soon before long the car pulled into the executive terminal and came to a stop right outside of the plan waiting for them. 

“You get Apollo up and settled in and I’ll help them with the bags, okay?”

“Okay. I need the silver bag and the rest can go under the plane.”

“I’ll make sure to grab it.”

Blake opened the side door and climbed out of the vehicle, turning to offer his hand to Gwen who took it and did the same. She made her way around the car and to Apollo’s door, gently helping him out and the two of them walked hand in hand to the stairs. Gwen turned back briefly, “Don’t forget the car seat in the back,” she reminded him. Blake nodded and moved forward to get it so he wouldn’t forget about it as Gwen and Apollo started slowly walking up the stairs. 

Once inside the cabin, Gwen made her way to the right window and sat Apollo up in one of the seats, making sure he was settled in with her iPad and his favorite stuffed animal. She watched Blake directing the crew and the driver, and soon he was coming up the stairs to join them. He took a seat next to her and she instantly moved towards him, her head leaning against him. 

He noticed how sleepy she looked and nudged her a bit. “Close your eyes if you want to. I’ll be right here.”

It didn’t take her more than a few minutes to comply. She was already annoyed with how tired she felt, but she was quite thankful she had a cowboy in her life that would let her sleep as much as she needed.

It was a short flight with minimal turbulence, and thank the ginger tablets she didn’t feel bad once. She felt herself dip in and out of consciousness and just focused on resting, hopeful that she would find more energy once they landed in the city to do things. The pilot announced their descent into the city and Gwen’s arms tightened around Blake’s midsection as she turned her attention out of the window, just in enough time to catch a view of the Golden Gate.

“Wow,” she said, grinning up at him. “Pollo come here, come here!”

The toddler hopped off the seat and bellowed over to Gwen, and she pulled him into her lap immediately and pointed out the window. “Look at the pretty bridge!” Gwen almost squealed. The three of them kept their eyes glued outside of the plane window until the plane turned, heading towards the airport to make its final descent. Blake took Gwen’s hand and squeezed it tight, knowing she wasn’t the most comfortable with planes taking off and landing. 

Soon, they were making their way down the steps, Apollo sitting up in Blake’s arms as they watched their belongings being loaded into the car that was picking them up to take them to their hotel suite. The roughness and steepness of the hills were obviously bothering Gwen about ten minutes into the ride as she hunched over a bit, holding her stomach.

“Are you okay? Do you need them to pull over?”

“Just…can you hand me those ginger things?”

“Hey guys, can you take it a bit easier on these hills? My girl is getting sick.” He reached over and opened her silver bag, finding the bottle on the top and handing it to her. 

“Will do, apologies, sir,” the driver responded. 

Gwen twisted it open and took a couple, letting out a breath. “I’m sorry I feel so nauseous. Though, if this is going to be anything like it was with Apollo, it’ll be around for a while.”

“Then I’ll make sure to buy stock in those ginger things, darlin’,” Blake responded with a chuckle. “I know you, though. Don’t feel bad if you’re not up for something, okay?”

“I think once we get to the hotel, if we could just relax for a little bit I’ll be okay to get out and walk around,” she mused. 

Gwen stayed silent the rest of the ride, and concentrated herself in staying calm, focusing on the ginger to help her. As the car pulled into the Four Seasons, the turned back to Blake and grinned. “Cowboy, you completely spoil us,” she said, shaking her head. 

“Come on, this is our wedding. We’re not going to stay at the Motel 6.”

The valet came to open her door and she got out, standing up and stretching a bit as Blake walked around the car with Apollo. The bellhop went immediately to the back of their car and started loading the luggage cart, with the second bellhop collecting Apollo’s car seat and Gwen’s bag from the back seat. They were greeted with a VIP check in person that breezed them through the process, and pressed the button on the elevator to take them to their suite on the top floor. Once the elevator ascended to the highest level they stepped off, keyed into the suite, and Gwen’s face lit up instantly. She looked back to Blake.

“Some of our best memories are in hotel rooms, hmm?” 

Blake chuckled and came up beside her, one arm around her waist as the other held Apollo tight. “That was the entire start of our relationship.”

“I remember when you kidnapped me to the Four Seasons in Atlanta that one time,” she grinned. “That was a… _fun_ …afternoon.” Her mind instantly flashed to the hot and steamy sex they had followed by one amazing grilled cheese sandwich. She didn’t miss those days of only having Blake a few days at a time, but they were certainly some of her fondest memories. “This room kind of reminds me of that one.”

“Yeah, it does. I’d imagine Four Seasons are pretty similar to one another,” he replied. 

“Oh Blake, and it has a jacuzzi on the patio!” she practically squealed, moving to go outside on the large, private patio. She walked around it and rested her arms on the railing, taking in the insane city view below them. “Wow,” she breathed. 

“Guess I did pretty good, huh?” Blake grinned, coming next to her.

“Blake, you always do amazing. Happy Wedding Eve, cowboy.” With a girly giggle, she pressed up on her toes to give him a kiss.


	3. Pier 39

After ushering Blake with Apollo out of the suite once the seamstress arrived, Gwen spent an hour with her standing on a small platform as the lady measured around the dress and went to work. Thankfully, Gwen kept the scrap materials from the first time she had the dress altered, and the lady was able to save her original dress. It was a simple, elegant, strapless white dress that came in tight on the waist and sweetheart bodice and flared slightly down the rest of the line. It wasn’t super flashy with a ton of diamonds nor was it super fluffy with a lot of layers, she had opted for something a little more understated instead. She knew Blake wouldn’t be into the ruffles and feathers type of couture wedding attire, and she couldn’t contain her excitement over the thought of him seeing her in it for the first time. 

She felt the butterflies in her stomach as she caught herself staring in the mirror, not ever thinking it would have been possible to get to this point again. Especially with Blake, everything had been so fast, he became one of the most important parts of her life so quickly it was mind boggling to try and keep up. But she wouldn’t have it any other way. 

She thanked the seamstress and they both left the hotel room after she got dressed again; the seamstress to get back to her shop to finish the dress, and Gwen to go and find her boys. She walked into the first floor lobby off the elevator and surveyed, looking for Blake and Apollo. She caught a glimpse of them sitting at a table together in the Starbucks, and started giggling as she walked towards them, realizing Apollo had whipped cream on his nose. 

“Really cowboy? You’re letting him have sugar right now?” she asked, coming up to stand next to where he was seated. Her arm went around his back and rested on his opposite shoulder. His arm snaked around her waist and he just grinned up at her. 

“You know I live to spoil this little one,” he said. “The kid wanted whipped cream, are you telling me you can tell that sweet face ‘no’?”

Gwen giggled a little. “No. I can’t.”

Blake gently tugged Gwen down to sit in his lap a bit, despite there being plenty of chairs nearby. She always thought he was so funny when he did that. They watched Apollo dig into his small cup of whipped cream for a few moments before he looked up at both of them, giggled, and leaned forward to place a dollop of it right on Gwen’s nose.

“Apollo!” she exclaimed, but she couldn’t help laughing instead of staying serious. The toddler started cracking up too, realizing that they thought he was funny, which of course made him laugh even more. Gwen swiped at the whipped cream on her nose as Blake started laughing along with them. His free hand came up and he swiped more of it off of her, before quickly licking it off of his finger. Gwen’s eyebrows raised at him before she rolled her eyes. “Oh my god, Blake, you need to calm down,” she mumbled. 

He reached across the table and picked up one of the napkins, gently placing it over her nose. “I’m never going to apologize for that,” he said, grinning. She took the napkin from him and took the rest of the whipped cream off of her nose and just giggled a little, turning her eyes back to Apollo. 

“What do you want to do tonight, sunshine?”

“Mmmm…” she contemplated. “Maybe we can head down to Pier 39? I think Apollo would really love seeing the sea lions on the dock before the sun goes down.”

“Seeeeeeea liooooon?” Apollo asked, perking up and into their conversation. Gwen wasn’t surprised, given Apollo’s fascination with fish and marine life in general. “Fishy?” he asked. 

Blake chucked. “No buddy, it’s not a fish. But I bet we’ll see some fish down there too,” he replied to the toddler. “Do you want to go ask the concierge to get us a car? Pretty sure it’s too far to walk. I’ll get this little monster cleaned up.”

Gwen did as he suggested, and the three of them met at the front of the hotel and waited for a few minutes for a car to pull up to collect them, and they were on their way. Blake opened the door for them, helping Gwen climb into the back seat, and they settled in with Apollo on Blake’s lap. Gwen’s hand moved between the two of them and found Blake’s, taking it into hers and intertwining their fingers together. 

“I can’t believe we’re actually here,” she mused, giving him a small smile. “I feel like we’ve waited so long for this, but at the same time it’s so fast too. But not in a bad way, like, I know you know what I mean…I hope.”

Blake chuckled a bit at her jumbled words, thinking it was one of her most endearing qualities. “I’m so happy I found you, Gwen,” he began. “I just…sometimes thinking about Miranda, the situations I stayed in for no good reason and how bad it really got…and then thinking about you, and thinking about Apollo and…the fact that there’s gonna be four of us soon. It’s mind boggling.” He sighed quietly to himself. “I want you to know…I’ve committed myself, the rest of my life, to being everything you and the kids want and need. I’m always going to take care of you guys. You’re my number one priority, no matter what.”

“Oh my god, Blake,” Gwen huffed and sniffed a bit, her one hand squeezing his and the other finicking at the corner of her eye. “Why do you always say these things when we’re out that will seriously make me start crying?” She laughed a little, trying to ease the seriousness of the mood, looking up to him. She also wasn’t used to him using the word “kids”, pluralized, which was hitting on new heartstrings she hadn’t realized she had before. 

He squeezed her hand back. “Sorry, I don’t mean to.”

She craned her neck and planted a few quick kisses on his stubbly cheeks with a giggle. Her eyes caught onto his and she held his gaze for a few moments. “I’m yours forever, Blake Shelton,” she said. “You’re an amazing dad. You’re an amazing almost-husband. I’m your biggest supporter in everything you want to do. I love you.”

The rest of the car ride faded off into silence, as they both watched out the window at the sights they were passing. Soon, the driver pulled up into a small parking lot near a Pier 39 sign. Blake shifted Apollo in his lap so he could open the door and stand up, helping the two of them out of the car. 

“Oh my god!” Gwen exclaimed the second she stepped out of the car, as she began shivering. The breeze was almost icy as her body suddenly covered in goosebumps. Apollo’s arms went up and he looked to Gwen, wanting to be picked up. Without thinking, she bent forward and took him under the arms, pulling him up into hers and hugging him tightly. 

“Be _careful_ …” Blake said under gritted teeth, willing himself to not reach out and pick up Apollo instead. He was overprotective of her and didn’t want her lifting him, but at the same time he knew that she needed to make those decisions for herself. 

“Blake, we’re going to die!” she laughed. “How is it so cold this time of year?!”

“Darlin’, we’re right next to the ocean, it’s gonna get cold. Even an Okie knows that,” Blake shook his head, his arm going around her. He looked down the street a bit to the rows of shops and restaurants and spotted a souvenir shop. “What’s with you never coming prepared with enough clothes on anyways? Come on, lets go buy some thick hoodies for you guys, that should be good, right?”

Gwen squealed as another rough breeze hit her skin and she instantly started taking off walking fast in the direction that he pointed to the shop. He was right, though. It did seem like there had been a few times they showed up somewhere and Blake had to take her shopping. 

Once inside, she gently set Apollo back on the ground and took the toddler’s hand instead.

“You’re right, I probably shouldn’t do that anymore,” she said, her free hand going to rub her suddenly sore shoulder. Blake pecked a kiss on the top of her head. “Thank you,” he mumbled.

“Don’t be standing back all nonchalant,” Gwen said, as she slid a few hangers along the rack, surveying her options. “You can’t tell me you don’t want one of these, too.”

“I’m like a polar bear, Gwen,” Blake said with a chuckle. “The cold doesn’t bother me.”

She playfully rolled her eyes as she looked down to Apollo, tugging on Gwen’s hand to go towards the kids section. She let her son pull her in that direction, and she bent at the knees to get down on his level, showing him some options. “What do you say buddy, which one do you like?”

Apollo grinned and pointed to a tie dyed kids hoodie with a crab on the front, and the city’s name written below it in fun kid letters. It didn’t surprise Gwen at all that he picked he most colorful one.

“Thiiiiiis one!” Apollo exclaimed, and Gwen planted a quick kiss on his forehead before standing up.

“This one it is!” she said back, handing him the hoodie to hold onto. “Come on, mommy needs to find one and I think Blakey needs one too.” Apollo took her hand and they started walking back towards the adult section, when Gwen stopped suddenly.

Her attention turned and she locked eyes with him.

“Blake?”

Her bottom lip was close to quivering, which inspired his strides towards her to be quicker.

“What’s the matter?”

Her eyes went back to the wall and Blake’s followed her gaze. The wall was lined with hoodies, onesies, and other general souvenirs that looked like the rest in the store, but with one distinction - she had found the infant section. Gwen’s hand gently went out to touch the small baby hoodie, one that matched the one Apollo picked out exactly.

“Can we get this, too?” Her voice was soft, almost near a crack.

“We have to.”

A huge grin lit up Gwen’s face as she took it off the wall, clutching it against her chest. She pressed up and quickly pecked a kiss on his lips and moved back to the adult section. After a bit of searching, she picked out a dark maroon hoodie for herself that had a drawing of the Golden Gate Bridge on it, and picked up an identical blue one for Blake. 

After they were paid up and hoodies were on, they left the shop and began walking down to the docks. They quickly found the sea lions, mostly because the moment Apollo spotted them he squealed and started tugging both Blake and Gwen towards them. 

“Oh god, this could be the new ’tag’ or the new ‘fishy’, I’m just warning you,” Gwen laughed as her toddler was immediately obsessed. She started laughing even harder once she realized Apollo was trying to mimic the sound the sea lions made, leaning into Blake only as she felt his arm secure around her waist. She let out a content sigh, just taking in those moments together. 

After more than enough time with the sea lions, Blake nudged the little one as he spoke. “C’mon Apollo, I think it’s time we go and get some dinner.”

“Nooooooo I want to stay with the seaaa lions,” he said, pointing to them. Blake bent down to his level and ruffled his hair a bit. 

“We’ve gotta go get some dinner, buddy. We’ll come back down here to see all the animals again while we’re here. Is that a good deal?” 

He let out a huff but soon nodded, conceding to Blake. Gwen just shook her head in amazement, never used to the idea of how good Blake was with him. 

“Hey wait, before we head back up…” Gwen said, looking around for a minute. She was being strategic in her actions, specifically looking for someone that looked like the furthest thing away from a country music fan that might recognize Blake. She moved forward to one of the other tourists, handing her camera phone to her. “Would you mind taking a picture of our family?” she asked sweetly. 

“Of course!” the girl responded, and she went back over to Blake. 

“Picture,” she said, pointing to the girl with her phone. Blake bent down and scooped Apollo up in his one arm, then slid his other around Gwen. “Hold on a sec,” she said hurriedly, reaching into her bag. She pulled the baby hoodie out and held it up against her stomach just before they all looked at the camera. The girl snapped a few shots, and returned her phone to Gwen. 

“She didn’t look like a country music fan so I think we’re safe. But…I did want to take our first family picture with all four of us. I thought it was a good opportunity,” Gwen explained. She tucked the baby hoodie back in her bag with her phone and he leaned forward and kissed her. 

“I think that’ll go in a frame when we get back, for sure.”


	4. Foreword

As the car came to a stop back in front of the hotel, Blake and Gwen quietly slid across the seat together to open the door slowly. Blake stood up first, turning to offer his hand to Gwen to help her up next. He let go of her hand and walked around the car, softly opening the other side and reaching inside, scooping a soundly sleeping Apollo up into his arms. The little one jerked a little but settled in against him, his head resting on Blake’s shoulder. Gwen came behind them both to close the car door, trailing behind them a bit as they walked back inside the Four Seasons. 

The elevator ride was quiet as they ascended the floors, eventually coming back to their suite. Gwen keyed them in and turned the hall light on once the door was open, and Blake quietly walked Apollo over to the bed they had set up for him in the living room before they left. He bent down gently, his hands positioning against Apollo’s back as he slowly lowered him down with the utmost care and attention. Gwen stood back watching them both, not realizing how much their relationship could still effect her like that. She watched as Blake pulled a few pillows to surround him, making sure he was comfortable and he had some barriers around him to prevent a fall off the bed, just in case. Apollo sighed and curled up under the covers, still completely dead to the world as he continued to sleep. Slowly, Blake stood up, soon making his way back over to Gwen to stand next to her, his eyes still on Apollo to make sure he was settled. 

Gwen nudged him a little with her shoulder and smiled, which caught his attention immediately and he returned the expression. He pecked a kiss on the top of her head before they both turned to sneak back into the master bedroom, leaving the door open in case he woke up. 

“I’m so glad I was able to keep dinner down tonight,” Gwen said softly, making sure to keep her voice adjusted for the sleeping toddler in the next room. “The restaurant you picked was so good.”

“And you didn’t even want to go,” he teased.

“Hey! When you name a restaurant _Bibba Gimpy_ you’ve got to wonder if it’s even a legit place to go.”

Blake just let out a chuckle. “Bubba Gump’s, babe.”

“What?”

“Bubba Gump’s. The name of the restaurant.”

“Oh. Same thing.”

“It is most definitely not the same thing. Haven’t you ever seen Forrest Gump?”

“Is that some type of camping utensil?”

Blake couldn’t help it, he was chuckling again. “You are so innocent sometimes, and it’s adorable.”

Gwen’s eyebrows raised, as she took a few slow, calculated steps towards him. “I don’t think I’ve been very _innocent_ since I met you.” Her eyes were burning fire into his, and Blake lost his concentration and wasn’t chuckling anymore. He was holding a breath he didn’t realize, and he let it out suddenly before losing his breath. She was biting her lip now. He was in trouble if he didn’t turn this around quickly.

“I, uhm…” he coughed a little, offering a quick smile. Her palms rested against his chest and his eyes went to look at them immediately, before their eyes locked once more. 

“I love you so much. You know that?” she asked in that soft, almost breaking voice. Blake’s hands rested on the small of her back and held her gently against him. “I have something for you,” she said next. 

“Oh?” he inquired. 

“Sit down,” she said, her fingers lightly pushing him to take a few steps back to sit on the edge of the bed. He obliged, taking a seat, and Gwen moved towards her larger suitcase. She pulled out a manilla envelope, and moved back towards him. 

“What’s that?” he asked, his eyes glued to the envelope. 

She just gave him a small smile, taking a seat next to him on the bed and handing it to him. “You have to open it to find out.” Her hand snaked across his back and up to rest on the back of his neck as she offered him another smile, looking up to him. 

Blake unfastened the envelope and pulled out a stack of papers, noticing immediately the neon stickers poking out of the sides typically used to indicate signatures needed. His eyes scanned the first page of the document and he paged through a few more, clearly realizing what she had handed him. 

“Is this what I think it is?” he asked.

“Those are all of the adoption papers for Apollo,” she said, having difficulty containing her excitement. “I already had a lawyer on retainer, and I asked him to help with this one last thing. It’s a pretty simple process to file the petition. And…I’ve already signed everything on my end with a notary and witnesses. I wanted to give you something tonight, the night before our wedding, and this felt like the best thing. This is the final thing I have to give you officially in addition to actually marrying you. And he is so, beyond incredibly lucky to have a dad in you, Blake.”

Her smile widened as her eyes had to shut, realizing she was getting emotional as a tear was forced to fall. Blake reached out and flicked it away, offering a small smile in return. He set the papers aside on the bed and he pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly for a few moments before jerking away. 

“Oh my god did I crush the baby huggin’ you too tight?” he asked, a little panicked.

Gwen couldn’t help but laugh a little. “We’re okay, cowboy, not that fragile just yet.” She paused, before continuing. “I found a notary next to City Hall, too. She knows we’re coming, and we can finish these right after we get married. We’ll still have the photographer too so we’ll have a lot to get pictures of an celebrate. As long as you would like that, of course.”

“Gwen, it’s all I want in the world,” he breathed. His gaze turned back up to her and she was yawning a bit through the huge smile plastered on her face. “Looks like you’re in the same boat as Apollo, sunshine. Why don’t we get some rest? Tomorrow is a big day, after all.”

“First day of the rest of our lives,” she nodded. “That sounds so dramatic, doesn’t it?”

“I think we’re just lucky that our lives already intertwined so easily,” he responded. He thought back to the night he proposed, how she sat in that dressing room twiddling the engagement ring and having anxiety over her insecurities of not knowing how to be a wife. She looked almost the same now, though perhaps less wired, and the reality a little more sudden. “I want you to remember what I told you before. Remember that it’s just me and you, nothing more. We’ve already made promises and committed ourselves to one another. And you don’t have to do anything differently than you’re already doing to be an amazing partner to me. I just hope I can live up to that for you, too.”

“I know,” she nodded, agreeing with him, though she was thankful for the reminder. Her tired eyes looked up to him and she smiled. “I’m good, I’m ready. I’m also really looking forward to cuddling with you tonight and falling asleep, because I think I’m halfway there.”

His hand rested on her cheek for a moment. “I can tell. Go get ready for bed. I’ll be waiting for you.”

——

She felt restless.

She thought for sure with how tired she had been and after their trip to Pier 39 that she’d need the sleep, but her body wouldn’t allow it. Her legs felt like they were pulsating energy, and she couldn’t figure out if she wanted to be under the covers completely, not at all, or one leg out and the other in. A few of her joints ached and she sighed, really trying not to be a bother, but still not being successful at that. 

“Babe,” Blake said groggily, shifting on the bed to turn towards her even though his eyes were kept closed. “Babe, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,” was all she replied. 

“What do you need?” he asked.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry. I can go sleep on the couch if I’m bothering you…”

“Absolutely not, Gwen, I’m not going to kick my pregnant wife out of bed to go sleep on the _couch_ …”

“You said ‘wife’,” she whispered. 

“I wanted to practice,” he said with a grin.

Even dazed, he was adorable. 

She moved forward and turned her back against him, cuddling up to him and sliding under his arm, remembering that sometimes she was able to stay still when he held her. She let out a deep breath and focused on relaxing, feeling a bit better.

His hand moved up and gently over her eyes. “Close,” he instructed. She couldn’t help but let out a half giggle before obeying.

“They’re closed, cowboy.”

He stroked through her hair a few times before his arm went back around her midsection, his hand lightly resting against her stomach, almost protectively. The feeling of safety rushed over her and she sighed contently, finally feeling a bit calmer.

She didn’t even realize when her eyes closed and she drifted off to sleep. This was only painfully obvious after her body jolted up a bit, her phone alarm starting to go off. 

Gwen groaned a bit, reaching forward to hit the screen to turn it off. 

It was her wedding day. 

She let out a breath, mentally thinking and preparing for everything that had to happen that day. The seamstress was going to bring the dress over that morning, she would have hair and make up here in the afternoon. She had to wrangle Apollo into a tux after giving him a shower and doing something with his crazy hair. She had to call the photographer when they were on their way, and oh, she had to double check the limo reservation time, too. Her bouquet was set to be delivered somewhere between hair and make up, and she had to make sure to not forget the rings. It was a lot on her plate to think about, a lot of things that didn’t necessarily start up until early afternoon. For now, she was in bed with her cowboy, and she wanted to try and take full advantage of that.

“Blakey,” she said sweetly, turning in his arms and placing a kiss on his nose. Blake made a slight noise to indicate he was kind of awake, but still kind of not. 

“I was just about to order room service for breakfast,” she said softly. His eyes opened a little and he offered her a smile. “I was just thinking…I was remembering back to the first time I flew out to visit you at one of your shows. I woke up before you, in your arms and I just watched you sleep a little bit. Those dimples of yours really did me in.” She let out a laugh, before continuing. “You were so cute back then. You were still so nervous around me, you accidentally stumbled and called yourself my boyfriend for the first time.”

“Oh god, I remember that far too well,” Blake mumbled. “I thought for sure that was when you would scare off. You had no idea how obsessed I already was with you then, and I was tryin’ not to show it.”

“You were really bad at hiding that,” she said in response, and they both started laughing together, realizing the truth of her statement.

Blake reached across Gwen, snagging the room service menu from the table. He opened it between the two of them and they looked through it for a few minutes. 

“What looks good?” he asked.

“Mmm…baby wants pancakes…” Gwen said with a smile. 

“Well thank God for the baby, I much prefer that over you being sick on our wedding day.”

“I think I’ll have the pancakes, too,” Blake said. “Maybe the kids plate for Pollo? He likes eggs and toast.”

“That’s a good idea,” she agreed. 

She reached over for the phone and placed their order, and soon she was up and heading off towards the shower in the meantime.

Somewhere in the middle of her morning routine, breakfast arrived and Apollo began to stir. Gwen sat with him on the couch and began to prepare his food for him, cutting it into small pieces and handing him the fork. She took her own food and ate a few bites, keeping an eye on him as he ate. 

In the blink of an eye, the slow paced morning became a lot more hectic.

Hair and make up arrived just as the seamstress came at the same time, and she was ushered off to try on the dress to make sure it worked outside of Blake’s view, because she wanted to surprise him. It fit perfectly, but she was only in it for a second before hair and make up girls were insisting it off so they could get started. She sat still and let them get to work, scrolling through her phone to both calm her sudden nerves and check on everything else. 

Blake knocked and covered his eyes, popping his head into the room.

“Gwen, some flower lady is here…can she come back?”

She giggled. “I’m not in the dress yet Blake, and yes, send her in. Can you make sure Apollo’s things are ready for him? I don’t want to put him in his tux until right until we’re ready to go.”

“On it,” he said. “I have him watching one of his kids shows on the iPad."

“You’re the best!”

Blake let the flower lady come back in to see Gwen, and the door was closed once again. The suite went back to being quiet, until the door opened about an hour later. The girls that came for hair and make up exited first; the door closed. Blake’s interest was pulled to the closed door and he waited for what seemed like an hour. It cracked slightly, but he still didn’t see Gwen come through. 

“Are you ready?” she asked quietly. “You’ll tell me if I look okay, right?”

He suddenly felt a wave of nerves for no reason as he stood up, taking a few steps towards the door. “Of course I will.”

He heard her let out a breath and push the door open all the way, taking a few steps to show herself completely dressed and ready for the wedding. Her look was expectant, but also happy, as she made herself not bite her lip to not ruin her bright red lipstick. Her blonde locks were worn down, curling at the ends and pinned half up with various jewels securing it back. The dress fit like a glove - thank the seamstress for that. 

“Well?” she asked again.

He realized he was staring.

“I uhm…” he let out a breath. “I…I..I don’t, I don’t know…what to say, Gwen. You look…incredible,” he managed. 

A smile lit up her face as she walked over to him. Standing in front of him, her hands moved up to secure a red rose against his jacket on the lapel that matched her bouquet. 

“I’m ready when you are."


	5. Hotel Memories

When she thought back on it, none of it felt real. How fast they ushered downstairs to get into the limo, bound for City Hall. Apollo having a tantrum right before they began taking pictures, making her stress levels rise, worried they wouldn’t get any good pictures of the three of them if he kept it up. The ceremony was quick; she felt frozen during most of it, shaky almost as their eyes locked and words faded and ran together in the background from the person marrying them. He had noticed her sudden shyness, his hands moving out to take her shaken ones into his, calming them upon touch. She had let out a breath, offered a smile, and that’s when she knew everything was going to be okay. 

_”You may kiss the bride.”_

Those words had pulled her out of her trance as her eyes widened a bit, expectant. Blake dropped her hands and moved to slide his behind her neck gently before their lips met. Gwen felt her body melt against his, her arms moving up and around his neck. He deepened the kiss and she smiled through hers before their lips slowly parted, their eyes not moving from one another. She was so lost in thought and nerves she didn’t even remember saying _I do_ , but of course she had to have, or else the ceremony wouldn’t have gone this far. 

Blake’s whispered words against her ear caught her attention, sending a shiver down her spine. “I promise to love you, Gwen Stefani, until the day I die.”

She wanted to cry tears of joy, but she swallowed hard and contained herself. “Gwen _Shelton_ ,” she corrected. Blake’s eyes opened a bit wider. “I…I want us to both take your last name,” she said, letting out a breath. “If that’s okay, I mean. I figured since you were going to legally adopt…”

Gwen couldn’t even finish her sentence, Blake was tugging her back to him and he planted another long, deep, and slow kiss on her lips. She kissed him back, pulling back just slightly and grinning as their eyes met again. “Is that a yes, cowboy?” she said with a chuckle. 

“That’s a _hell yes_ , darlin’,” he responded, which sent them both into a chuckle at the same time. 

Blake looked down between them, feeling a tug on his slacks and the little toddler the tug belonged to. “Sorry buddy, your mom is very distracting,” he said with a grin, and scooped down to pick Apollo up. Gwen pushed back Apollo’s hair a bit and got his attention. 

“Do you want Blakey to be your dad, little man?” she asked him. 

Apollo cocked his head to the side, a bit confused at first, but then looked at Blake and started bouncing in his arms a few times. He pointed his finger into Blake’s chest and looked up at him, questioningly. 

“What do you say, buddy? Does that sound good?” Blake tried asking him, both him and Gwen laughing a bit at his confused reaction. 

“Daddy,” he said, pushing his finger into Blake a bit more to make a point. He didn’t quite seem to understand what they were asking him, but it kind of hit Gwen in that moment why - Blake was the only dad that Apollo had ever really known. She just hoped to god that he didn’t have any memories of Gavin swimming around in his little head still. Not after what that man had put him through. 

“I think that’s a _hell yes_ , too,” Gwen concluded. 

Hand in hand and with the photographer in tow, they proceeded out of the courtroom and across the venue, in search of the notary Gwen had waiting on standby. After the notary reviewed the documents, she pointed to various places in the stack of papers for him to sign, his eyes on Gwen the entire time as he went through one by one. He straightened up and took a few steps around the table towards her once he was done.

“Ms. Stefani? I need you to sign as a witness to complete the documents,” the notary chimed in. 

Blake stood in front of her, holding the pen out to her. She reached forward to take it, but he wouldn’t let it go. Their eyes locked, and she looked up at him, questioningly. 

“Before you sign this,” he began. “I want you to understand something. He’s not going to be just your son anymore, he’s going to be _ours_. That means no more feelin’ like you need to shoulder the entire burden to care for him. No more you feelin’ guilty when I take over taking care of him after you’ve had a long day and you’re seconds from falling asleep on the couch. No more pushin’ yourself overboard and bending backwards and not asking for help. We’re a team with raising him, and we’re a team with the baby too. Okay?”

Gwen was a little taken aback by his words, the corners of her lips turning up into a small smile. When he was done, she tugged at the pen a bit and he released it to her.

“I promise,” she said, pressing up to peck a quick kiss on his lips before rounding the table, bending slightly over it to sign the witness statement. She let out a breath and smiled, setting the pen down as she looked up to see Apollo up in Blake’s arms again, both grinning back at her. She couldn’t help it, she started laughing a bit as she came around to them again and Blake enveloped them all into a hug. 

The photographer ushered them out and about for the next hour or so to get more pictures, even taking a quick trip down by the water to get pictures with the Golden Gate in the background. Once her work was done, they face timed their families back in the limo as they drove around the city, eventually ending up at a restaurant still all dressed up in their wedding attire. They didn’t care, though, just having a spontaneous day out on the town getting lost and ending up wherever was really quite amazing. They had found a small Italian restaurant, and Gwen was thankful she brought a bag with a change of clothes for Apollo as to not inevitably get spaghetti sauce on his little tux. 

Sooner rather than later, the little one started getting fussy and tired, which prompted them to head back to their hotel room. Blake headed back into the master suite as Gwen sat down with Apollo on his bed, letting him curl up and get situated amongst the pillows and blankets before she gently rubbed his back to help him fall asleep. It didn’t take him long, his eyes soon closed and Gwen gently stood up to go find Blake again. 

She entered the master bedroom, careful to close the door gently behind her. She took a few steps forward and stood in front of the full length mirror, catching her reflection for a moment as she looked at herself in her wedding dress. Her hands moved up and she began to unfasten one of her earrings, setting it on the side table before going to the next. Blake had stood up at this point and moved behind her, his hands gently moving onto her sides.

“How are you this beautiful all of the time?” he whispered against her neck, before he began kissing down it. 

She bit her lip, and rolled her eyes a little. “Stop,” she whispered back. “I look like a mess.”

“Mmm…” he said, shaking his head a bit. He caught her eye in the mirrored reflection, as his hands moved up from her hips and to her upper back. Blake slowly, gently tugged at the zipper, pulling it down the length of her back. Gwen held the sweetheart bodice against herself, not allowing the dress to fall to the floor. “If this is what a mess looks like, I don’t think I could handle the opposite, baby.” His hands moved up her bare back, gently taking the dress from her and pulling it down her body, leaving her standing in front of him in just a white strapless bra and lace underwear set. 

Her eyes averted away from the mirror and she turned towards him a moment later, pressing up on her toes to kiss him. His warm body enveloped her as he deepened their kisses, soon picking up an intense rhythm for their make out session. She moved him backwards, towards the bed and she pushed him slightly to sit on the edge. Gwen had his shirt up and over his head a second later and then straddled him, their lips coming together once more. His arms tightened around her back and she pushed both of them back, so now Blake was laying down and she was hovering overtop of him. 

It took all of his self control to not grab her, flip her, and pound into her in those moments. He wasn’t completely sure what was okay and what was not with Gwen being pregnant, and he certainly didn’t want to do anything wrong. She picked up on his hesitation, though, and instead of moving forward to kiss him again she stayed straddling him, her eyes casting down. 

“Blake, you know…we don’t have to do this. I…I understand if you don’t want to and I won’t be upset..I get it.”

This shocked him, and he caught the new insecurities on her face and he moved to sit up again, Gwen ending up back on his lap. “What are you talkin’ about?”

“I’m pregnant, Blake. I couldn’t fit into my dress or a lot of my other clothes already and…I like being pregnant, but I don’t think you’re going to like me being pregnant.”

“Why don’t you think that I’m going to like you being pregnant?” he was dumbfounded at the sudden turn of events, and he really just wanted an explanation as to what was going through her head.

“I’m going to get bigger. A lot bigger. I’ve already started.”

“Honey, that’s a good thing. I might be new at this but I know that’s how you grow a healthy baby.”

“I know. But while I’m growing that baby and you’re not attracted to me, I don’t want you to feel pressured or feel like you have to touch me.”

“Gwen,” he breathed, still just thrown on left field with what she was saying. “My attraction to you doesn’t stop because you’re pregnant. I mean, this might sound weird, but you being pregnant? You have absolutely no idea how much more attracted to you I am.”

She didn’t look completely convinced, though.

“Talk to me,” he said softly. He gently prodded her side. 

“You…you just, you hesitated.”

“Hesitated? When?”

“You hesitated a minute ago when we came over here, when you were laying back and I was moving forward to kiss you, there was just…there was a second I felt like you didn’t want to.”

“Gwen, that’s not at all…no, baby, that’s not it,” he stumbled out. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I wanted to make sure you wanted this, and I was trying so hard to contain myself and be gentle because this is new territory, we haven’t had sex knowing you are pregnant. I don’t even, I mean, can we? Because I want to, so bad, but I won’t do anything that might be a risk.”

“I mean, it’s supposed to be fine,” she said.

“Did you not with —“

“No,” she cut him off before he even finished the sentence. “He made it very clear how repulsive he thought I was when I was pregnant with Apollo. I was scared anyways, considering how I got to be pregnant in the first place, I didn’t trust him.”

Silence fell between them next, and all she concentrated on was Blake’s hand gently massaging the small of her back. Her eyes glanced down to her protruding stomach and she got lost in thought for a few minutes. She was brought back to reality as Blake’s other hand gently laid against it.

“I love your body,” he said softly. “I love you. And if you’re comfortable, and if you want to, I do want to have sex with you. And I’ll be gentle, and that will be the only hesitation I will have.”

“Are you sure?” she asked one more time. 

Instead of answering his hand drew up, rested against her cheek and turned her towards him, kissing her deeply. Her arms went up and back around his neck as she straddled him again, kissing him back with the same intensity. She pushed to stand on her knees as she drew her arms around her back, gently unfastening her strapless bra and letting it fall to the side. Blake watched her do it, his eyes not able to tear away from watching the way her body arched and curved right in front of him as she gracefully let the bra fall to the side. His hands caressed gently up her sides, taking her breasts into them, massaging and teasing her erect nipples. Gwen let out a moan and her hands tightened on him, letting him know of her approval. 

“Did these get bigger?” he asked. “Is that a thing? Because if that’s a thing, we should have a lot more babies after this.”

Gwen started laughing as Blake grinned at her, and she drew her arms up and around his neck again, pressing her lips into his. She was smiling through her kisses, feeling completely calmed by this man once more. Blake let his hands fall back to her hips and he turned her, switching their positions and laying her down on the bed. He stood up briefly, unbuckling his belt and ditching his trousers. Gwen’s arms stretched up above her head as she watched him, biting her lip in anticipation. He moved back onto the bed once he had ditched his boxers, his hands sliding teasingly up Gwen’s stretched out legs and hooking into the sides of her lace underwear. He pulled them off of her slowly, lightly, enough to make her squirm as the fabric tickled against her skin.

His warm body came back and pressed up against hers as he kissed her again, deeply, his hands wandering and trailing along her naked body. It was light and sensual, and he was really making her excitement and anticipation build with every touch. 

“It still amazes me how wet you make me,” she whispered against his skin, before nibbling his ear. “I need you inside of me, cowboy. So badly.”

“Yes, Mrs. Shelton, I think that can be arranged,” he responded with a grin, and they both giggled silently. They were both so happy, like two lovestruck teenagers as their lips met again, before Blake pulled back slightly. He kissed in between her breasts, then a bit lower, then again lower, finally ending up in between her legs.

“Mr. Shelton, that is not how you go inside of me,” she said with a laugh.

“I can’t just give you what you want just like that, baby, I’ve gotta make you a little more desperate for it.”

“Ugh, I just want…” she lost her train of thought as her body tensed, his tongue against her center, her hips having to resist the urge to buck. “…ohmygod…” Her hands fisted the sheets underneath them and his hands rested back on her hips, holding her a bit steadier. “Baby, how do you always know…” Blake kept the pace slow and torturous, eventually picking up just a little speed, but not enough to satisfy Gwen. She wiggled a little in his hands, and he smiled against her center, knowing he was winding her up.

“Blake, if you keep this up, I’m going to come, and I don’t want to come this way,” she forced out. She knew that would get his attention and he drew his eyes up to her, kissing the inside of her thighs once on each before he spread her legs apart for him. He moved over on top of her, her hands coming to grab onto his hips and he slowly moved inside, taking it as slow and easy as possible. Once he was in, and he felt like she was adjusted, his lips brushed hers and he kissed her softly. 

“Still good?” he asked.

“Ready to ride,” she said with a chuckle, as she moved her hips up against him, causing him to grunt a bit.

“God, Gwen, you are so fucking perfect.”

She moved up and kissed him, as she felt him move into her a bit deeper. 

“No, Blake. But we’re perfect for each other."

His hips moved into her slowly at first, he was holding himself back just a bit because he didn’t want to take it too far, or be too hard on her, and the pain of hesitation was showing in his eyes. Gwen could tell how badly he wanted it, but how good he was being. 

“More, baby, I want more,” she said softly. “You’re not going to break me, I promise.”

This was all the permission he needed as he went deeper, harder. His mouth covered hers as he continued. A few minutes later, she was breathless, her hands kneading at his hips. “I’m about to explode, oh my god,” she managed. “Let me get on top.”

If Blake hadn’t already been so hard, that would have done it by itself. 

He shifted off of her and pulled her on top of him to straddle him again. Her hand reached down between them and readjusted him inside of her, settling in and going deeper before she pushed him gently back to lay down. She smiled down at him as she stretched her body, her arms reaching over her head, purposefully giving him a little show out of it. Her hips rocked into him and Blake grunted, obviously desperate for her to keep going. His hands grabbed her hips and he grinded her down into him a few times, before Gwen arched forward and began to ride him. Slowly, then quickly. 

“God I’m so close,” she breathed, continuing her quick rhythm and feeling his grip tighten on her body. Blake was moaning and groaning, not even able to get a word out, and she could tell he was close, too. Gwen let out a breath and leaned forward in her thrusts, which soon sent her into a shuddering orgasm. Blake was not far behind, and after a few more thrusts, he was falling apart underneath her. 

She gently rolled off of him, both of them just laying on their backs and catching their breaths. A shiver went down her spine and her eyes opened as she felt his finger trail against her side. A small smile came to her face. She turned her head to look at him, their eyes locking, and even though she remembered it happening, she still couldn’t believe that this man was her husband.

“Hi, Mrs. Shelton,” Blake said with a grin.

Gwen laughed. “Hi, Mr. Shelton,” she echoed back. They both laughed a little more before Blake moved towards her, turning her body into the spooning position against him. He hovered a bit over her though instead of just laying next to her. His hand was tracing circles on her stomach. 

“I can’t wait to meet whoever is in there,” he said lowly. “It’s just…I still can’t believe it.”

“You’ve only known for a few days,” she replied with a slight shrug. “Trust me, the more weight I gain, the more mood swings, the more weird cravings…you’ll start to believe it.” She paused. “But it is kind of crazy to think about. I mean, this is how Apollo started. Like duh, I know, but when it happens to you it feels like a miracle.”

“Cravings…” he mused for a minute. “What kind of cravings did you have last time?”

“Well, I think the most important thing we can do when we get home is find the nearest 24 hour gas station that has white cherry ICEEs. That alone might save our marriage through this pregnancy.” She giggled. 

“Cherry ICEE…that’s not unreasonable,” he responded.

“No Blake, _white_ cherry ICEE…it has to be white, I won’t drink the red ones, they taste weird.”

“Ah, I see…” he said. “Yep, okay, I really do believe you’re pregnant now.”

Gwen laughed a little, flashing him a smile as she snuggled her back against his chest. A few moments of him silently tracing her body passed, before she broke the silence. 

“I know you’ve already kind of dealt with me getting moody…” she began. “But I just…I just want to tell you how much I love you and I don’t mean it. Like I still feel terrible snapping at you when we were loading the car and sometimes they get bad and I’m going to try my best to keep them under control, okay?”

He kissed her cheek. “Don’t even spend time worrying about that, baby,” he responded. “I just want you to remember that I’m here to help you with everything.”

“I know.” A few moments of silence, and she let out a giggle. “Blake, you’re obsessed with my stomach.”

“I’m not apologizin’ for that,” he said, moving down and placing a kiss on her belly button. 

“I’ve never felt this safe in my entire life. Never felt this loved.”

“Good, means I’m doing something right.”

“Blake?”

“Yeah?”

“I love being your wife."


	6. Betrayed

She couldn’t believe how calm and content she felt when her eyes opened the next morning.

It was like a weight had been lifted off of her, but she wasn’t sure what it was. Her finger twitched a bit, still getting used to the weight of the wedding ring on her finger, but she couldn’t stop the small smile that came to her features when her eyes rested on it for a moment. She looked beyond her ring and saw the time was just passed 9:30, which caused her to raise her eyebrow, not believing all of them had slept in so late. 

Gwen shifted a bit, turning slowly to face her new husband. His arms had still been outstretched and resting on her body lazily, and she held one of his arms up a bit so she could move before letting it rest back on her body. Her eyes closed sleepily just before Blake shifted a bit forward, readjusting. Gwen placed her forehead against his upper chest, his hand stroked down her back.

“How did you sleep?” he mumbled against her hair.

“Mmm…” she responded. “You give me the most gorgeous sleep that I’ve ever had. Both Apollo and the baby didn’t wake me up, that will probably never happen again.” She let out a cute giggle but she didn’t move. She just enjoyed being in his arms like this. 

“I always sleep well when I’m with you,” he said, the mood turning from playful to sweet. “I sleep better having you with me, knowing where you are.”

She pulled her forehead off his chest and reached up, pecking a kiss on his lips. “I know what you mean.” She paused. “You know we get to do this for the rest of our lives now, right? Like, officially.” 

He let out a small chuckle. “ _Like officially_ , yeah?” he tried mimicking her girly pitch, but it was a huge fail that just caused both of them to start laughing together. 

“I’m sorry we didn’t get to go on a honeymoon right now,” he said after a few moments. She turned to face him, looking up at him.

“Don’t be sorry,” she breathed. “I don’t need a honeymoon. We could always go on a trip after the baby is born…maybe like a one year anniversary thing?” She paused. “Oh, wait, scratch that. I’ll still be breastfeeding.”

“I hear that’s kind of important,” he said, offering a small smile.

“Trips aren’t important, Blake. Our family together is what is important, and I have that, so I literally do not need anything else in this world.” She leaned up to him and placed a soft kiss against his lips, before resting her head on his chest again.

Gwen’s stomach made a noise, which caused Blake to raise his eyebrow a bit. “What does little one want for breakfast?” he asked next.

“Baby wants a caramel macchiato from Starbucks,” Gwen said with a grin. 

“Okay, let me rephrase that, what kind of _real food_ does the little one want for breakfast before you fill up on espresso and milk?”

Gwen just pouted. Blake gave her a look.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, _you’re right_ ,” she emphasized. 

“Aw,” he responded. “I don’t want to be.”

She groaned. “It’s fine.”

“I hear they have pretty good omelets on the menu…we can order up, all have breakfast in bed…nowhere to run off to today, and we can check out anytime.”

“Omelets?” her curiosity was piqued. “I think I can deal with that.”

——

Leaving San Francisco was a bit of a blur. Almost like a dream, though it was time to wake up. The time away had been such a needed relief, and coming back to LA was bittersweet.

After a lazy morning in bed with her family, they packed and took their time getting to the airport. The flight was quick, and they soon found themselves back on their doorstep. The news had broken about their little trip up north and of course the pregnancy rumors were flying, though she was a bit skeptical whether or not the news had actually leaked or if it was just the media being…well, the media. Nonetheless, they would have to tell her parents soon and the rest of the family. She felt a twinge of nerves about that, but she knew they would actually be so happy for them. 

The next day was back to reality for them, with Blake leaving early to go to the studio and Gwen running a few errands with Apollo. She had received a weird phone call from her finance controller and dropped in unannounced as she had found herself in that part of Hollywood. The receptionist paged him and before Gwen could even take a seat, she heard her name being echoed down the hallway.

“Miss Stefani!” Marcus called out, grabbing her attention and causing her to turn around. 

“Hey Marcus, I was just in the area, I hope that —“

“Please, no matter, I need you to come to my office.”

The earlier voice message coupled with his urgency was starting to worry her. They walked down the hall, Apollo’s hand in Gwen’s, as the three of them went into his office. 

“Look bubba, he has a whole corner filled with toys over there!” her cute mommy voice came, pointing to a corner where she saw a few toy trucks that would likely catch her son’s attention. A grin came across his features and he did a little jump, looking to Gwen to ask for permission. “Go ahead baby,” she encouraged, ruffling his curls a bit just before he charged off to explore the toys. She turned and walked towards Marcus’ desk, taking a seat across from him.

“Hey, Marcus, you’ve got me really worried…I was going to call you back, that voicemail just seemed so vague and weird…what exactly is going on?”

“Okay, look, it might be nothing, but there are some charges and transfers on your account that I need you to verify dating as far back as at least the last six months. I…I didn’t notice or pick up a pattern until now, when I knew you and Mr. Shelton were in San Francisco, but…”

“What charges?”

Marcus slid a stapled pack of papers across the table, showing full account statements for the past six months with a variety of things highlighted. Gwen’s eyes narrowed in on the documents as she read through the first few pages.

“This looks like…these look like transfers out of the account,” she said. “Does this mean someone stole my bank account?”

“I wish it was that simple,” Marcus said, that serious tone returning. “Typically stolen cards have charges to buy things, not just flat out lifting money out of the account.”

“So this money is being transferred out of the account into the same account, multiple times,” she concluded, her eyes asking for clarification.

“Correct.”

“Is this one of our accounts?” she asked, even though she felt like she knew the answer to that. 

“No, it’s not one of your accounts.”

“Then…then what is it?”

“I was uh, able to do some research,” he began slowly. “I recognized the routing as a Bank of America account, and I have contacts over there and they umm…” He let out a breath. “The card belongs to Taylor Mason."

————————————————————————

The next morning, Gwen was pacing in the kitchen. She wasn’t sure quite what to do, bad conversations were never her thing. Her stomach was sick - whether it was morning sickness or the predicament she found herself in, she didn’t know, but it helped to just keep moving. Or perhaps moving was the only thing she felt like doing. It had taken every fiber in her being to go about the rest of the previous day as normal after finding out the news from the finance controller. It was hard sitting through dinner with Blake that night, pretending to be in a good mood and normal. It had been hard crawling into bed next to him, feeling his arms around her and just telling him that she wasn’t feeling great and just wanted to sleep. She was in such shock and wasn’t sure what to do, how to handle this, and she didn’t know if telling Blake first was the right way to go about it. After staying awake most of the night she had come to the conclusion that she was going to handle this on her own for the time being, and talk to Taylor herself. 

Her eyes flashed over to the clock on the stove reading 8:59. Like clockwork, the front door opened. 

“Good morning!” the familiar, female southern voice rang out in the foyer. Any other morning it would have been a welcome relief; but today was not another morning. Gwen stopped pacing the kitchen and her hand went to rest on the kitchen island, body square and faced towards the doorway where she would soon see the object of her nerves. Her face was stoic as Taylor walked through the hall and into the kitchen.

Taylor’s eyes surveyed around, expecting to see Apollo, but looking a bit confused as she came up empty. The blonde looked to Gwen and caught her stoic expression, and the smile began fading from her features. “Gwen, what’s wrong?”

“We need to talk,” was all she responded. She slid a paper forward across the island and Taylor took a few more steps towards her. Taylor glanced at it but shrugged. 

“Okay, what’s up?”

One manicured nail pointed to the paper as her eyes went back up to Taylor. “Would you mind explaining to me why, for months, it looks like you’ve been transferring money out of our accounts and into one with your name on it?”

“Gwen, that looks like my salary. That must be it.”

“Do you really think I’m an idiot?” her heart jumped in her chest, grabbing the highlighter from the table and making a few marks. “The accountant called. You don’t get paid out of this account, you’re still on Blake’s payroll and this money is getting pulled out of the card I gave you for Apollo.”

“Well there’s obviously some mistake,” she shrugged. “Maybe your accounts are messed up.”

“Taylor. This isn’t a mistake! You’re stealing money from us, from Blake!” she took a second to breathe. “Thousands of dollars, and you didn’t think anyone would notice? How long?”

“How long?” Taylor echoed.

“How long have you been stealing from him?”

Taylor was silent. She kept a hard exterior, as the minutes that followed were awkward and silent. 

“God, after everything…everything he’s done for you, after letting you into our home and trusting you with my child, was it worth it?” She paused, letting out a breath. "You’re fired,” Gwen said with a shrug. “Leave. Now. Before I call the cops.”

Taylor seemed to ignore her last words. “Where’s Apollo?”

“He isn’t your concern anymore. And I told you to leave.”

“I want to see Apollo.”

“You need to leave immediately.”

“Yeah? And what are you going to tell Blake?” she asked. “Who do you think he’s really going to believe? Me, who is practically part of his family, or some whore he picked up at a concert?”

“I’m calling the cops,” Gwen said, shaking her head. She pulled her cell phone out of her back pocket and began typing her passcode in. Before she could bring up the dial pad, she felt a sharp pain dig into her shoulder.

“Drop the phone. Right. Now.”

Gwen’s eyes went up to her arm, realizing Taylor swiped one of the large chef knives from the counter and was now pushing it into her arm. Shocked by the sudden turn of events, her body froze, and the phone fell from her hands and went crashing on the ground. 

“Good choice. Now take me to Apollo.”

“Taylor, you need to think about what you’re doing,” Gwen managed in a whisper, trying to hold herself together. “Just put the knife down and we can talk.”

Instead, Taylor pushed the knife against her skin more, reaching her other hand forward and pushing Gwen to force her to walk. “I don’t think so. I think you’re going to take me to see Apollo.”

Just then, the babbling sounds of the toddler in question came echoing down the stairs as he tried to call for Gwen. “Upstairs, now!” Taylor commanded. In a split second of decision making, Gwen obliged, figuring that Apollo’s best chance was if she was up there with him instead of risking Taylor going up after him herself. She walked quickly, scaling the stairs and feeling Taylor keeping pace with her as she felt the knife pushing into her back. Gwen hesitated at the doorway, trying to think of a plan, some way to escape or gain advantage, but all bets went out the door as she felt something heavy come in contact with the back of her head.

And then she saw black.


	7. Deep Cut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably throw out a warning for violence in this chapter, since I'm not one to typically write it?
> 
> Also, ya'll have no faith in me. I always fix it.
> 
> ...just not in this chapter.
> 
> xoxo

Her head was pounding with the most intense migraine she had ever felt. She couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t focus straight long enough to open her eyes. When she did, she shut them immediately. Her face and body tensed as the pressure in her head was building, almost unbearable as she felt waves of pain suddenly hit her from the blow on the back of her head. Gwen’s eyes opened again, but it was just all a blur, and she couldn’t see a thing. Her ears were ringing, only able to make out a few muffled sounds and a few moving blurs in front of her. 

“Ba…babe…” she sputtered out, only able to manage the first syllable as she attempted to move her body but soon realized she was restricted. She realized her body was slumped over on the floor, Gwen laying half on her stomach, her hands tied behind her back and unable to make much movement. Suddenly a hand grabbed her arm roughly and jerked her to sit up, pushing her back against Apollo’s bed. She let out a gasp at the unexpected movement, her eyes wide and forward but still unable to make out anything beyond a few moving blurs. The only thing she could concentrate on was the pounding centralized on the back of her head. 

That was, until Taylor spoke up.

“You have no idea what you’ve done,” was all she said. 

Words weren’t registering meaning to her then, her body was just tense as her head felt dizzy again. 

“Baby,” Gwen managed in a whisper, able to get both syllables out that time before her head snapped back and pressed into the bed base behind her. Her teeth clenched as a wave of pain came and she groaned loudly, the tears of pain rolling down her cheeks as she did so. She felt something press into her mouth as she took a deep breath to breathe, realizing she couldn’t speak anymore with the duct tape that was now across her face. 

“Shut up,” Taylor barked, and the blur that Gwen could only imagine was her hovered and moved towards her. She felt her back push back up into the bed, trying to get as far from her as possible. “That’s all you care about, isn’t it? You and that stupid baby that should have never happened.” Gwen’s body jolted as the tip of the knife made contact with the side of her stomach, but she was too scared to try and make any sudden moves; she couldn’t even see straight in front of her. “Those pictures were real, you know, the ones you saw of me and Blake at the bar in close quarters,” she said next, as she gently twisted the knife against Gwen’s skin in a circular motion, but not enough force to make a cut, just enough to make it uncomfortable. “After he got divorced, he was going to be mine. I had waited for so long for him and had to watch him get treated like shit from that Miranda bitch and he was finally done, and we were going to be together. It was the perfect plan, until you ruined it.”

She turned the knife sideways and slowly dragged the blade across her stomach, making a cosmetic deep cut all the way across to the other side as Gwen tried to scream through her tears. 

“That’s how much pain you’ve caused him since he met you,” Taylor explained. “Probably even more than that, you worthless whore."

“Surprise! I’m home!” Blake’s voice came ringing from the downstairs hallway as the door opened, the sounds of him setting his keys down in the foyer echoing through the hall. 

“Fuck,” Taylor growled, bringing the knife up and pushing the blade into Gwen’s throat, enough to make a dent, but not a cut. “Don’t you dare say a fucking word or I’ll put this knife right through both of you.” And with that, Gwen watched as the blur moved off of her, the knife no longer pressing against her neck, the sound of the door closing echoing throughout the room. Her head slumped to the side as she was frozen in fear, but not able to keep her eyes open anymore as she let them close.

Taylor moved to the room next door, stashing the kitchen knife under her shirt and behind her back as she picked up Apollo and headed downstairs.

“Hi Blake!” she exclaimed, putting on a cheerful face. 

“Hey Tay,” he said, offering her a smile. “And hi little man! What’s up? Where’s Gwen?”

“Gwen?” she echoed. “She ran out to do some errands.”

“Really?” Blake asked. “But I just saw her car in the driveway. Where did she go?”

“Oh, Jen came and picked her up. But I’m not sure where they went or when she’ll be back.” She paused. “What are you doing home?”

“Well, the promo shoot was cancelled this morning and they rescheduled it for next week, so it turns out I actually don’t have to work today.” Blake paused, keeping an eye on Taylor as he suddenly felt something was a little off. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but the way she was acting suddenly hit him as strange. “Has Apollo had lunch yet?”

“No, actually, I was just about to get on that,” Taylor replied quickly, bouncing the toddler once on her hip. Taylor gave a small smile and turned to walk towards the kitchen, and Blake followed a step behind them. He watched Taylor walk with Apollo to the fridge, opening the door to look in at the contents. His eyes moved once around the kitchen, catching something on the ground in the corner of his eye - something that looked like Gwen’s cell phone, but scattered into a few pieces. His body tensed seeing that, but he didn’t react. Now he knew something was wrong.

“Here, let me take him off your hands,” Blake offered, reaching towards them. But Taylor backed away, further heightening his suspicions.

“Oh Blake, I’m fine with him, I can cook and watch him,” Taylor brushed off, keeping her hold tight on the toddler. “You work so hard, let me take care of him while I’m here."

“He’s my son, Taylor, it's not a burden for me to take care of him,” Blake responded. “We’re just going to go upstairs, I need to change shirts, and that will give you a chance to fix his lunch.” Not having much of a choice without revealing intention, when Blake reached out again towards Apollo she let go, letting Blake take him. 

Blake began climbing the stairs at a normal pace as to not set off any alarm bells. He headed straight to the master bedroom and sat Apollo on the bed, turning the TV on and flipping a few channels for a kid’s channel. He quickly slid his shirt off and put another on from one of his drawers, and took a few steps towards the closet as a protective instinct kicked in. He reached up onto one of the higher shelves and his hand came in contact with a handgun he knew was kept there, and reached to the other shelf where the ammo was. A few clicks and he loaded it, tucking it under his shirt on his hip and keeping it concealed, just in case. 

He peered out of the master bedroom door, looking down the hallway and keeping his eyes towards the stairs. He noticed the guest bedroom door was open, which was highly unusual, and he took a few steps towards it and peered inside. The normally made up bed seemed disheveled, a few of Apollo’s toys laying on it, but he wasn’t quite sure what to make of that on his own. He continued walking down the hall, careful to keep his eyes back on the top of the stairs to make sure that him and Apollo were the only two on the second level.

Blake’s eyes fell on Apollo’s room; the door was closed, but the lights were all on. That alone was a little weird, but it wasn’t until he rounded the corner and saw the heavy vase laying on the floor outside of the room that made him panic. His hand went forward for the doorknob, and he turned it. 

Locked. 

Now he was even more worried. 

“Blake, is everything alright?” Taylor called up the stairs. She sounded nervous, almost. “I can’t get this jar of spaghetti sauce open, can you come open it for me?” His hand slid into his back pocket to retrieve his wallet, pulling out a credit card.

“Yeah, we’ll be down in a sec,” he called back calmly. He inserted the credit card between the lock and the door in the crevice and began to jimmy it as quietly as possible. The door finally gave in and he pushed it open just a bit, before realizing it stopped opening as it hit Gwen’s body laying on the ground. He froze momentarily as he saw he blood on the carpet, on her body, her hands tied up and assuming she was unconscious. 

“Holy shit,” was all he managed in a whisper, dropping to his knees immediately and pulling her to sit up in a panic. He held her body against the back of the bed, his hand cupping one of her cheeks. “Gwen, wake up. Come on baby, open your eyes,” he said softly, his thumb stroking against her cheek. “Gwen,” he said once more, as his fingers moved up to gently pull the tape from across her mouth. She groaned as she came back to life, realizing someone was holding her body and she jolted, her eyes opening but her vision still blurry and nonspecific. He realized that she didn’t realize he was there. 

“Shh, shh, it’s me, it’s Blake, take a deep breath,” he said quietly, reaching behind her and undoing the ties on her hands. “I know you want to cry, I know it hurts, but you need to stay quiet. Can you do that for me?” He released her hands and brought his own back around in between them, the sight of her blood on him making him ill. 

The moment her hands were released she brought them forward, clenching onto the wound across her stomach. She was biting her lip hard, trying to do as he said, not fully aware of what was going on but hearing and trusting his voice completely. 

“I can’t…I..I..I can’t see, blurry,” she managed, shutting her eyes tight and trying to internalize the pain she felt instead of screaming out in pain. 

“Okay, it’s okay, keep your eyes closed, we’ll fix it,” he said. “I just need to go get…”

“Apollo?” Taylor’s voice rang through, interrupting them. Blake’s head snapped to the doorway immediately seeing Taylor standing there, Apollo on hip. Knife dangerously close to his little body. 

“Taylor, what the actual fuck is going on here?” Blake’s voice raised, standing up. He took a step and moved towards her, and she took one back and turned the knife against Apollo’s skin. 

“Nuh, uh, uh,” she said, shaking her head. “You don’t want to do that. One wrong move and he’ll match his mommy.”

“Taylor, give him to me,” Blake demanded. 

“Don’t you see what’s happening, Blake?!” she almost screamed, frustrated. “She’s not the one for you. She’s trying to screw everything up!”

“Taylor, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but just give Apollo to me and we can sit down and talk about whatever this is.”

“You were never supposed to date her! You weren’t supposed to marry her. She’s no good for you, Blake, oh my god, she’s completely screwed up your life and I’ve been right here the entire time! And now she’s trying to make up lies about me to get rid of me, and you’re just going to let her fucking do that?!” 

Apollo was shocked by the sudden turn of events and Taylor yelling and he started bursting out crying, tears falling down his face. He made a point to reach out and away from Taylor, trying to reach for Blake. His weight shift distracted Taylor as she adjusted to hold onto him, and in that moment Blake felt safe enough to pull the gun from his hip in a lightning fast reflex, pointing it at her. 

“Give him to me,” he said again, but she just held the knife at Apollo’s back. She started laughing.

“As if you’re going to actually shoot me,” she said. 

He didn’t hesitate. He released the safety, aimed the gun with precision, and pulled the trigger once.

The bullet went right into Taylor's stomach, the shock of the impact causing her to drop the knife. It hit the floor just before she started to fall. Blake jumped forward and grabbed Apollo out of her arms, letting her body fall to the ground. He grabbed the door and shut them into Apollo’s room, locking it, and crouching down back next to Gwen.

Apollo was crying, Blake pulled him in tighter against his chest and tried making soothing noises to calm him down as he stroked his back. He pulled his phone from his back pocket and dialed 911. 

“I know, I know, that was a very loud noise but it’s all over now, buddy, it’s all going to be okay,” he said. “Gwen, baby, are you still with me?” he asked, sitting next to her. He reached forward to stroke her hair back, trying to find her pulse. Her cheek was laying against the carpet, eyes closed. 

Unresponsive.


	8. Unresponsive

Everything seemed to blend together after that. He remembered the ambulance arriving, he watched as they lifted his unresponsive wife onto the stretcher and placed an oxygen mask over her face. He practically stepped over Taylor on his way out to follow them downstairs and out the door, loading Gwen into the back. Blake didn’t even ask and climbed right up and in with them, taking a seat next to the paramedics, before the sirens whirled and they were driving at fast speeds towards the hospital. The back doors flew open and they began moving Gwen out.

“She’s pregnant,” was all Blake could say. “Please, she’s pregnant, make sure they’re both okay.”

He climbed out of the truck and went rushing in, Apollo still in his arms, towards the ER. He followed them down the hall until two big security guards came and held him back, not allowing him to go any further. He fought them at first, but then realized it was futile and let them direct him to the waiting room.

And so they waited. 

He wanted to break. He wasn’t a man of many tears, ever, but if there was ever a time for him to react emotionally, this was it. The only thing that forced his strength was the toddler sitting in his lap that was scared, though he knew he didn’t understand what was going on. Apollo was clinging to him in silence, and Blake just held him. It was all they could do.

Blake’s eyes flashed to the clock in the waiting room, and something clicked inside of him and realized it was getting close to dinner time for Apollo, and after all of this madness, he hadn’t even had lunch, either. He stood up with him in his arms, and went to the desk to speak with one of the nurses.

“Is there any word on my wife?” he asked. “We’ve been waiting for hours…”

“I’ll go check with the doctor, but it could be a little while,” the nurse responded. 

“My son hasn’t eaten all day,” he explained. “Is there somewhere close I can get him something to eat?”

“I understand, the cafeteria is just a few floors up. We have your cell number, we’ll call you if you’re not back when the doctor comes out.”

If he had more energy, he might have pushed more for an update. But in the back of his head he knew that probably wouldn’t get him anywhere. Instead, he accepted the answer and walked down the hall with Apollo, getting onto the elevator and going to find the cafeteria. They walked around, Blake trying to make the choices appealing, any kind of food appealing, but Apollo didn’t seem to be interested. He just stayed laying his head against Blake and not saying anything. Blake gave up, realizing he didn’t have an audience with the toddler and picked up a small cup of macaroni and cheese and went to the check out. He sat down and nudged Apollo to sit up in his lap, popping open the lid and sticking the spoon into the pasta. 

“Come on buddy, eat a little something,” he encouraged him.

“Momma?”

“Momma doesn’t feel good right now. She’s with a doctor and they’re giving her medicine to make her feel better,” Blake tried explaining. “She loves you though. And she said you can have ice cream if you eat all of this mac and cheese…”

Apollo let out a huff. “Momma.”

If hearts could physically break, Blake’s would have been all over the floor in pieces. 

“I know buddy. We’ll be able to see her soon,” he said. “She needs you to be a big strong cowboy right now and eat your dinner though, can you do that for her?”

Apollo reached forward and took the spoon, taking a bite of the mac and cheese. He looked up to Blake. Blake smiled at him as much as he could manage in those moments. His little eyes turned back to the mac and cheese and he scooped a bite, offering it to Blake. Blake shook his head. But Apollo insisted and brought the spoon up to him again. There was something about the worry in the little one’s eyes that caused him to lean forward a bit, taking the bite from him. He almost seemed relieved, watching Blake take the bite. 

“Thank you,” he said softly. “Come on now, the rest is for you.”

Sometimes he wasn’t prepared for the feelings that came along with being a dad to Apollo. He wasn’t prepared for how overwhelming that simple gesture had been, how someone so young and little could reduce him to a pile of mush with just one look and a bite of mac and cheese. That, or he was a lot closer to losing it than he thought. 

Apollo took his time eating his dinner, but as they hadn’t heard anything, Blake really wasn’t in a rush. Just as he spooned the last bite, his phone started to buzz. He grabbed it and answered it; it was the nurse calling them back downstairs. 

Within a few minutes, they were back at the desk, finding the nurse that had called him almost immediately.

“Right this way,” she said, leading them back. “The doctor wants to talk with you before you can see her.” The nurse led them right up to the doctor, and before she could even say anything, Blake was asking her questions.

“The baby? Is the baby okay?” he asked immediately, the panic obvious in his eyes.

“Yes, yes, Mr. Shelton, both mom and baby are okay.”

He felt an overwhelming relief but wave of emotion hit him as his breath shook, shutting his eyes hard to fight the tears threatening to fall. But he held it together. 

“What’s wrong then? Please tell me,” he asked. 

“Your wife sustained a blow to the back of her head which required emergency surgery,” she explained. “Her scans came back and we saw bleeding in the brain and had to go in immediately. We were able to stop it before it did too much damage. Besides that, the rest of it was cuts and bruises, except part of the gash on her stomach required stitches, but it’s cosmetic - it didn’t hurt the baby.”

“Can I see her? Please?”

“I can take you to her, but she’s not awake. When she does wake up, she’s probably going to be confused and have a hell of a headache, among possible other symptoms. We won’t know until she wakes, though.” The doctor began walking down the hall and Blake followed. A few minutes later the doctor reached out and opened the door to her room, letting Blake walk inside. 

Gwen’s hospital bed was propped up, and besides the bandages wrapped around part of her head, she just looked like she was sleeping peacefully. Her stomach was partially exposed, another large bandage covering her stomach, and some kind of band wrapped around it, too. She had an IV in one of her arms, and Blake chose the opposite side of her to take a seat on the bed next to her. 

“We’re monitoring both of them,” the doctor spoke softly, pointing to two different machines. “The larger one is monitoring mom, and we have the fetal heart monitor in here too to make sure the baby is okay at all times. The baby has been stable though, very strong.” She paused. “Is there someone who can come pick this handsome little fella up for you? You’re welcome to stay in here tonight because we don’t know when she’ll wake up, but it might not be comfortable for him.”

“I uh, yeah, yeah, I can get her brother to swing by. Oh my god, I haven’t even called anyone else,” he muttered. “I want to stay with her tonight. Thank you.”

Blake turned to Apollo. “I’m going to go call Uncle Todd. You can stay here with momma if you just lay down next to her, real still, okay?”

He nodded and Blake moved forward, laying the toddler next to Gwen. His little chin rested on her arm. “She’s just sleeping right now but do a good job and watch her for me, okay?” Apollo nodded and kept still, which allowed Blake to slip out of the room. 

He dialed Todd’s number.

“Blake, what the hell is going on?” were the first words over the line.

“Wait, what? How do you know something is wrong?”

“We just turned on the news and it’s all over, did Gwen get shot? Where are you?”

“No, no, she’s…just, look, can you please come meet me at the hospital, I’ll tell you everything when you get here.”

“Blake, is my sister going to be okay?” he asked straight. 

“Yes, the doctor said she’s going to be fine…they both are.”

“Both? Apollo is hurt too?”

“No I just - agh…” Blake began. “Gwen is pregnant, and the baby is fine. We…we haven’t exactly told anyone yet, she just found out.”

“Yeah, it sounds like we have a lot to talk about,” was all Todd said, obviously a bit shocked.

“Just…come alone? I know Jen will want to come and she’s not even awake right now and if she does wake up, a lot of people around won’t be a good idea. I really need someone to take Apollo tonight, he can’t sleep here in the hospital with me.”

“Okay.”

The line went dead. Blake dipped back into the hospital room and peered around the privacy divide. His eyes just rested on a sleepy looking Apollo, curled up and still against Gwen. He moved into the room more and took a seat near them, followed by a nurse behind him. The nurse went over to the machines to check on them both, and looked to Blake. She looked away, but then back to him. 

“Mr. Shelton?” She seemed unsure, almost as if she wanted to say something, but wasn’t sure if she did at the same time.

His attention drew to her.

“I wouldn’t look at the news, if I were you. It’s all kind of a mess.”

“What’s your name?” he asked. 

“Sarah,” she responded. “I’m from obstetrics, I’ll be in a lot checking on the baby tonight.”

“Thank you, Sarah.”

Sarah moved towards the door to leave once more, leaving Blake in a mostly silent room, the sounds of the heart monitor the only thing he could hear and focus on. 

Within an hour, Todd arrived and one of the nurses came in to let Blake know. Blake looked over to Apollo, snoozing against Gwen’s arm, and felt it was safe to slip out of the room to go find Todd. His pace was slower than normal, and he was obviously bothered and in his own head about everything. Frankly, he looked a mess and that much was evident as soon as his eyes met Todd’s - the look Todd gave him just said it all.

“Blake…” he greeted carefully, as the tall cowboy came to stand in front of him. He looked dead inside, and it was all too much for him that Todd found himself leaning forward, hugging him tightly for a moment before letting him go. 

“You shouldn’t be hugging me. You should be hitting me.”

“Not my style,” Todd responded off the cuff, but then, grew curious. “What do you mean? What even happened?”

“What did the news say?” he said, deflecting the question for a moment. Blake moved to take a seat in the waiting room he now found himself in, head in hands. He was a man carrying the weight of the world doing all he could do not to shrug. 

“Not much,” Todd admitted, taking a seat adjacent to Blake. “Just that an emergency call had been placed at your house and it turned into a shit show after that. There are pictures of Gwen and some girl being loaded into ambulances flashing all over the place. They said there were gunshots.” He paused. “What really happened?”

“This. This is my fault,” was all he responded. “She’s going through this, she’s in pain, because of me.”

“Christ, Blake. Out with it already. I doubt this is really your fault, because the way you look at Gwen, the way you take care of her and Apollo…there’s no way you could have done anything to put them in here.” He was getting agitated, impatient. 

“Gwen didn’t get shot. She…” he paused. “She has a bad head injury that caused bleeding in her brain and they had to do an emergency surgery because she was hit so hard in the back of the head with a vase that it caused her to pass out and fucked up her vision.” His hands clenched into an angry fist as he willed himself to continue. “I found her tied up and her stomach cut into in Apollo’s room. I…I shot the person that did it to her. I don’t know if she survived.”

“What the fuck,” was all Todd could say in return after a few moments, trying to process. “Who the hell is that sick? Who did this to my sister?”

“Taylor.”

“The fucking nanny?”

“The fucking nanny that I convinced her to hire. The fucking nanny that was practically a part of my family. The fucking nanny…that I knew had a crush on me but I still kept her around and tried to be nice to her, just hoping she’d grow out of it one day and she’d meet someone her own age and…god damn it, the fucking nanny that I thought it didn’t even cross my mind as a possibility that she could go after my fucking wife with a knife.” He stood up and took a few steps, suddenly hitting the wall and causing a loud echoing noise across the waiting room. His forehead leaned in and he rested it against the wall and he hit it again, but lighter this time. “I don’t even know why the hell she suddenly snapped. She’s been with us for months, she’s been with me for years. I don’t know what happened. But I’m the common denominator.”

“Look Blake, crazy people are crazy people. You can’t just know when someone is going to snap. This isn’t your fault. She’s insane.”

“Every single choice I make now is tied to the three of them in that room,” Blake said, turning to look at Todd. “This is new for me. Holy shit, I just didn’t realize how insane that is until this and it’s not like I’ve had to be in charge and make decisions for a family before. Everything I do effects Gwen. Everything I do falls on Apollo and that baby.”

“Welcome to parenting, man.”

Blake just gave him an unamused, dumbfounded look, as if he was offended he was glossing over it so lightly.

Todd decided to elaborate. “Blake, she needs you, dude. Apollo thinks you’re a cowboy version of Superman. The new baby is going to think the same thing. You do the best you can. And you can’t blame yourself or weed out all of the crazy people. This one just turned out to be crazier than the rest. And you said she’s fine, they’re all fine? You’ve just gotta keep going.”

Blake only looked slightly convinced, but Todd knew getting him to be fully convinced right then and there was asking too much.

“It’s getting late, though, I should probably take Apollo to give him time to get settled tonight.”

Blake nodded. “Good idea.”

“Just think about it. Don’t beat yourself up.”

Blake shrugged, taking the first few steps back towards Gwen’s room, Todd following beside him. Within a few minutes, they were both entering Gwen’s room. Todd took a step in front of Blake and came beside the bed, gently coaxing Apollo awake. Within a minute or so he convinced Apollo to come into his arms, his eyes closing as soon as his head went on Todd’s shoulder. He stood up, his eyes catching on Gwen for a moment and sighing, turning to Blake.

“I don’t have anything here for him, I just jumped in the back of that ambulance without thinking.”

“S’okay, Ive got some stuff back at my house,” Todd responded nonchalantly. His eyes went to Gwen once more. “Take care of her, ok?”

He nodded, and watched Todd walk with Apollo out the door. Blake took a seat back next to Gwen on her bedside, reaching for her hand. He sighed and watched her sleep for a few moments. He stayed like that, fighting to stay awake as long as he could, hoping something would happen, anything that would let her wake up. 

Somewhere around 4am, his head slumped over and rested on the bed, his hand still in hers.


	9. Truth Takes Time

He wasn’t entirely sure where he was for a moment, he just felt soft fingers in his curls which stirred him awake. He turned his head slightly as his eyes opened, the realization hitting him that someone was playing with his hair. It was Gwen playing with his hair. Her eyes were focused on him and when they locked onto his, she gave a small, tired smile.

“We have to stop meeting like this,” she said a bit groggily, faintly. Her eyes were half open and it took him a minute to register the words, he was just so shocked to see her awake. He almost thought it was a dream. He was dreaming, right?

“Gwen,” he breathed, his shoulders straightening as he sat up, looking much like a little kid that was just jolted awake, his hair disheveled. “Gwen,” he said again, leaning forward and placing his forehead on her shoulder, hugging her gently and trying to make sure not to hurt her, knowing that she was probably sore all over. Her arm moved up and rested on his back, and she just breathed in his scent. 

Blake sat back down, taking her other hand back into his. He was holding it together to be strong for her, even though he had so many thoughts going through his mind. His mind wanted to start shouting questions out, getting answers, but he held himself back. He couldn’t come on strong like that, he knew she was fragile and he didn’t know how much. 

“Can you see?” he asked, taking a safer route.

“It kind of comes and goes,” she said softly. “I’m okay one minute, but then the next I feel kind of dizzy.”

He moved forward and placed a light, barely there kiss on her lips. “That sounds better than before,” he said, echoing her softness of voice, knowing her head was probably pounding. “You said everything was blurry before.”

“Did I?”

“I…” Blake began, but stopped himself. He didn’t know if he should try and see what she remembered, or if that would make her worse. “Has anyone been in since you woke up?”

“No. Should they?”

“I think we should have them look at you,” Blake nodded, pressing the call button. Within a minute, two nurses came in together, the more familiar one he recognized as Sarah, and the other a nurse he had met a few hours earlier named Melissa. 

“Good morning, Miss Stefani,” Melissa greeted, as Sarah went right to the fetal heart monitor. “Did you just wake up?”

“Yes?” she answered, not completely convinced of her answer. She looked to Blake. 

“Miss Stefani, you’ve got a strong one in there, baby seems to be doing just fine,” Sarah chimed in.

“What baby?”

Blake looked alarmed, his attention immediately going to Melissa, questioningly. 

“Give her some time to wake up. She just had surgery on her brain, she might be a little disoriented,” she said.

“Gwen, honey,” Blake said, beckoning her to look at him. 

“Where’s Apollo?” she asked him, none of the rest seeming to bother her. 

“Apollo is having a sleepover with his cousins at Todd’s house,” he explained calmly. “Todd and Jen said they were going to all make pancakes this morning.”

“Aw. He’ll like that.” She paused. “Why am I here, though?”

Blake looked to Melissa again, who was really being no help. She just nodded at him.

“Baby, what’s the last thing you remember?”

A huge smile came to her face. “We got married. In San Francisco…and you adopted Apollo.”

“Do you remember what happened after that?” he gently coaxed. 

“We had a lot of sex.”

He couldn’t help but grin just a little, holding back his laughter, temporarily forgetting his worry and just focusing on his perfect wife. He felt his own cheeks flush slightly, quickly looking from the two amused nurses in the room back to her.

“We did,” he affirmed, leaning forward and placing a kiss on her forehead. It nearly broke his heart to continue the probe. “How about after that?”

“Mmm…dunno,” she said finally. “We must have come back?”

“Do you remember coming home from San Francisco?” he asked quietly. 

She just barely shook her head. “Ow, that really hurts to do that.”

“Don’t do that then. Just take it easy.”

“Blake?”

“Hmm?”

“If I go back to sleep will you still be here when I wake up?”

He saw that look in her eyes. He could tell she was more disoriented than anything else, and she might not even realize that she was talking. Hell, she might not even remember this conversation, according to the doctor. 

“Of course I will. Close your eyes, baby.”

“Can you come sit with me?”

Without hesitation he stood up, moving forward towards her. She used her opposite hand to push herself over a few inches to make a bit more room, her face wincing a bit from the pain, exhausting all of her strength. “Careful,” he reminded her. Blake carefully sat on the bed next to her, and Gwen let her body lean against him a little. 

“Thank you,” she said. Her eyes closed. He was pretty certain after a few minutes she was out again, as her breathing became a bit louder.

“She doesn’t remember,” was all he said. 

“When did you two get married?” Sarah asked. 

“Just a few days ago,” he responded. 

“She remembered that,” Melissa chimed in positively. “And congratulations.” 

“But she doesn’t remember finding out she was pregnant before that?” he questioned. 

“Brain injuries are difficult, sometimes things don’t make sense,” Melissa said. “I’ll grab the doctor, she’ll probably want to talk to you about it.”

Blake just nodded, his gaze going over to Gwen. 

Besides a visit from the doctor and several from the nurses, he patiently stayed by her side the whole morning as she slept leaning against him. Sometime in the early afternoon she shifted, which caught his attention and pulled him out of his thoughts. Her hand went up and rested against her eyes and forehead, seeming to really feel the headache for the first time. 

“Hi, sweet girl,” he whispered, placing a light kiss on her head. 

“Blakey?” she said a bit confused, but coming to her senses as she came fully awake. “God, my head is killing me and so is my stomach. I can’t even think straight.” She was groggy and vulnerable, which only fueled the anger deep inside of him for who was responsible for her state of being, followed by the sudden guilt still thinking some of this was his fault. 

“Let’s see if they can do something for that,” he said, reaching behind them for he call button. Gwen shifted the blanket down and revealed her bare stomach, as her eyes went from the bandage to the band around her stomach. 

“Mr. Shelton, we need to change her bandages now that she’s awake again,” Melissa said, coming in. 

“No, no…let him stay. Please.”

“He can stay, he just needs to sit in the chair next to the bed, okay?”

“Okay,” she breathed.

Blake moved off the edge of the bed and moved the chair right back up to the bed, taking her hand in his. He gave her a small smile and kissed the top of her hand. Her attention moved to her stomach as the nurse gently removed the bandage, revealing the extent of the injury. Part of the wound on her right side was stitched, but the majority of it was not. She looked at the injury confused, she was obviously trying to place it. Her confusion was put on hold as the fabric pulled off of her skin and squeezed Blake’s hand tight as she kept herself still as Melissa cleaned it, applied more ointment and bandaged it back up. Melissa went to her head bandage next, doing a brief check of the incision site before putting a fresh one on there. 

“She said she’s in pain. Is there anything you guys can do for her?”

“We need to check with the doctor on that, he needs to approve everything considering her…well, _condition_.” Blake nodded, understanding what she meant, even though it went right over Gwen’s head. “I’ll be back,” she said. 

Blake squeezed her hand gently. “Hey honey?” Gwen’s attention drew over to him. 

“Do you remember the day before we left to go to San Francisco?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Do you remember what you did that morning?”

“I…” she thought for a few moments. “I remember packing. Feeling kind of sick, running some errands I think?”

“Do you remember why you were sick?”

“My stomach didn’t feel good.” She paused. It was obvious she was trying to piece things together, but wasn’t completely able to do it on her own. “Blake, why are you asking me so many questions?” She sounded annoyed. Frustrated. 

“Okay, okay, baby, I’m sorry, no more, I promise. Just relax.”

“No,” she said. “Tell me why.”

“We can talk in a little bit, come on, you should take it easy.”

“Blake why can’t I remember anything about that day?” she asked suddenly, almost panicked. “I don’t remember why my stomach was hurting. I don’t remember most of that day. I remember getting married in San Francisco, kind of, just images, but I don’t remember going there. I don’t remember leaving. Blake. Where am I?”

“Gwen, take a deep breath, please,” Blake begged, his eyes locking onto hers. Normally she wasn’t so easy to calm down, but his hands holding onto her arms and his gaze straight on hers, and she didn’t have a choice. He just had that effect on her sometimes. 

“I’m going to tell you the truth and you need to trust me, okay? Will you do that?”

She just kept her gaze on him. 

“You were in an accident,” he fudged the truth a little. “You hit your head and there seems to be a few things you forgot,” he admitted. “But it’s okay, I’m here to help you, alright? And it will come back, I’m sure, you just need to relax and give it a little time, okay?”

She wrinkled her brow. “How long have we been married?”

“We got married just a few days ago,” he said. “I adopted Apollo on the same day because you surprised me with the papers.” A smile came to his face. “We had such a good time and I know the details are a little fuzzy but with some rest they’re going to come back, okay?”

Her face fell a bit. “Okay,” she said eventually. 

“Talk to me,” he encouraged. 

“I can’t believe I don’t remember my wedding,” she said. “I’m just…that makes me sad.”

“Gwen, you told me something really huge right before we left to go up north. All of those questions earlier…I just, I wanted to see if you would remember it on your own. Because if you don’t remember or I don’t tell you soon, well, it’s going to come out one way or another…”

“What is it Blake?”

“Gwen, you’re… _we_ , we are pregnant.” 

Her eyes widened in surprise as her gaze went down to her stomach, then right back up to him. “No way. Stop lying. What is it really?”

Blake let out a chuckle. “Baby,” he said, shaking his head a bit. “Look. That big machine up there is hooked and monitoring you. That smaller one next to it is connected to this…” he gently tapped the band on her stomach “…and it’s monitoring the baby.”

“Did the accident hurt the baby?” Her doe eyes and quiet innocence in those moments could have gutted him. 

“No, sweetheart, the little one is strong, just like its mom.”

“Blake, we’re pregnant?!” she forgot about the pain momentarily as a huge grin lit up her features, her eyes watering just a bit, feeling an overwhelming sensation of joy. “Boy or girl??”

He couldn’t help but chuckle a little bit. “Now thats the exact thing I asked when you told me. But you said it’s too early to know. You said you're at nine weeks and that the pregnancy website told you the baby is as big as a cherry.”

“Oh,” she said, a smile resting on her face. “Have we told anyone?”

“My mom knows, and Todd knows…but we haven’t gotten to the rest. The accident happened right when we came back so we’ll have to do that when you feel up to it.” He didn’t dare mention Taylor, even though he thought she probably didn’t remember - but then again, he didn’t want to trigger anything, either. 

A pang of guilt hit him next, watching his wife sitting in the hospital bed genuinely happy about the baby. He selfishly wanted to keep her like this, secretly hoped that god would keep the memories of Taylor and what happened hidden, but he just didn’t feel like they were going to be that lucky. His best guess what her brain shut the memories down for her to recover and once she was more oriented, the memories would come back. 

“Are you disappointed I’m pregnant?” she asked suddenly, causing Blake to realize he had gotten lost in his thoughts. He just gave her a confused look, and before he could say anything… ”…you just look sad, that’s all.”

“Gwen I just…” he let out a breath. “I thought I _lost you_.” Another pause. “And just seeing you sittin’ here, getting excited about our baby and just being awake…it’s so good.”

“Now you’re the one forgetting something,” she said quietly.

“What am I forgetting?”

“You won’t lose me. You always bring me back, remember?” The smile came back to her features. It faded a little before she spoke again. “Was it a really bad accident?”

“Yeah, you could say that,” he conceded. “Your brain got shook up pretty bad. They uh, they actually had to take you in for emergency surgery. But they said you came out of it just fine.”

“Whoa.”

“Yeah, so you’re not allowed to have brain surgery anymore, miss,” Blake said, prodding her gently and teasingly in her side. A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “Doc said you might feel like shit for a little while. Migraines and dizzy and you might even feel nauseous, but there’s a laundry list of symptoms you ‘could’ get. You just need to promise me you’ll take it easy. Please, god, Gwen, just take it easy.”

“I’m literally not planning on moving today,” she said, raising an eyebrow.

“ _Literally_ , yeah?”

“Idiot,” she grumbled and rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe you’re making fun of the cripple in the hospital bed right now.”

“You love this idiot,” he reminded her, smile wide on his face.

Her frown turned into a faint smile as her eyes came back up to him again. They locked. He was content, and she felt reassured. 

“Mr. Shelton?” he recognized the doctor’s voice coming from the doorway, which pulled his attention. She motioned to speak with him outside, and he looked back to Gwen, a bit unsure. She squeezed his hand.

“I trust you, baby,” was all she said. She just had this instinct that it was something he needed to hear. It made her curious as to why the doctor wanted to talk to Blake alone, a little worried, even, but she knew he would take care of her. She knew he would do what was best. “Maybe I should close my eyes for a bit again, it’s still a bit blurry at times and its hurting my head.”

Blake leaned forward and pressed his lips against her, holding them there, then letting their noses touch as he opened his eyes. “I’ll be back, alright? I’m not going anywhere." 

He gave her another long glance before a small, reassuring smile appeared on his features just before her eyes closed once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like hearing what you guys think! Let me know :) I'm also on twitter @xoelectric 
> 
> xoxo


	10. A Dark Turn

Blake trailed out of the room, following the doctor, and closed the door quietly behind him. Both of them took a few steps away from the room, Blake’s eyes intent and impatiently waiting. 

“Please just tell me,” he said quietly, in a plea. 

“She’s in recovery at this point, Mr. Shelton. It really will just be time as the deciding factor at this point.”

“But she’s okay? The baby is okay?”

“For now, they both seem to be stable.” Blake didn’t look convinced. “It’s the best we can hope for right now, especially considering the extent of your wife’s injury. That wasn’t a small accidental bump on the head; it caused brain damage. And she’s lucky to have not lost the baby over that kind of trauma.”

“She doesn’t remember what happened,” he said. “She remembers some things from this week, but not others, and nothing about why she’s here or how she got those wounds.” He paused, considering for a moment. “Can you do anything? Can you make it so she doesn’t remember? She’s going to be hysterical if she remembers that someone was trying to kill her baby. She already suffers from anxiety and she’s normally on Xanax and I don’t think you can take that when you’re pregnant and I’m so scared she won’t be able to keep a panic attack under control…”

The doctor let him ramble on and just kept a sympathetic look on her face. “It’s up to her whether or not she will actually remember what happened. We can’t make her forget just as much as we can’t make her remember. My guess is that it was so traumatic her brain shut down the events but there’s a good chance if she’s remembering things that happened this week it’s only a matter of time….” she trailed off for a moment before refocusing. “You need to be there with her when she remembers. You need to be the one to talk her down. We can’t give her Xanax and the stress of an extreme panic attack can definitely harm the baby. You need to be the one telling her that if she can’t stop. You’re her best hope.”

“But if I tell her the truth before she remembers, that could make it worse, too,” he said quietly. His hands went to the back of his head as he forced a deep breath out, sighing. 

“That’s for you to decide how to best handle it,” she responded. “By the way, some people in the lobby came to see her and said they are family. She shouldn’t have too many visitors at once, and with her injuries, you might want to explain…”

“Yeah…” he nodded. “I should go talk to them.”

“Dr. Hall!” one of the nurses suddenly exclaimed, bursting out from Gwen’s room. “We need you _now_.”

“What’s going on??” Blake’s panic begin to raise, as he took a large stride towards the door.

“Mr. Shelton, you need to stay back, please, wait outside.”

“Tell me what’s happening!”

Another few doctors came up and moved in between Blake and the door as all he could hear were machines blaring and going off in the room. He could only see the doctors and nurses surrounding Gwen’s bedside; he saw them lowering her bed to lay flat and saw her legs jolting under the blankets at the end of the bed. He felt someone grab his arm and he was jerked to attention.

“Your wife is having a seizure and if you want her and the baby to survive, you need to back out of here and let us do our jobs.” It was stern, but not mean, and it shook him to his core. He just froze as he let one of the nurses push him out of the room, the door closing behind them. He took a few more steps back and he felt his back hit the wall and he slid down until he was sitting, feeling defeated. His head went into his hands as he collectively tried to keep himself together and tried to will the anger and range that was building up out of him before he let it explode on something - or someone. 

He sat there for minutes. Maybe even an hour, time wasn’t a luxury he was paying attention to. He didn’t have the will to move, or look up, or do anything. His head was kept down in his hands as he just sat there, a prisoner to the “what ifs”. 

Suddenly he saw two little feet standing next to him. Apollo sized feet.

Before he was able to look up, he felt his little body leaning against him and Apollo’s voice in his ear. “Daddyyyyy….wake up!”

Blake’s head popped up and his eyes fell on a a grinning Apollo, which of course made his upset features soften. He looked up again and saw Todd and Jen nearby, as well as Gwen’s parents. The four of them looked at him with almost pity, and Todd was the first one to dare to take a few steps over.

“Hey, man,” was all he said for a minute. It was quiet as Blake just nodded, and his eyes focused down on Apollo who had crawled into his lap. His arms went around the toddler and he just held him tightly. “The nurse let us back here. They said something happened and you were just sitting in the hallway and well, they wanted us to come check on you.”

“Fine,” he said, non convincingly. “Ya’ll stop worrying about me. I’m not the one that needs to be worried about.”

“Blake…”

“She just had a seizure and I don’t know if she’s okay. Please, I know you’re trying to make me feel better but it’s just not possible right now, okay? And besides, I deserve to feel like this. And I can’t leave her.”

“Have you been home yet?”

“No. I can’t leave her.”

“Blake, you need to sleep..”

“Sleep when I’m dead. My wife is in the hospital.” 

“We can stay with her if you want to…”

“No, I’m not leaving her.” He paused. “I just, I need your help with Apollo. Please.” His eyes looked up to Todd, pleading. 

“We will take Apollo as long as you need,” Todd promised. “Why don’t you come out and sit with us in the lobby, since they won’t let you go back and see her?”

“Fine.”

He stood up, Apollo in his arms as he started walking towards the lobby, with Todd following. As he got closer to her parents, the guilt mounted in his gut and their looks of pity and worry about him were unsettling. He stopped for a brief moment and looked at them and sighed, before taking a step and walking past them. Those were two people he wasn’t ready to face yet. 

———

“She doesn’t remember anything,” Blake said finally, bouncing Apollo once in his lap as his eyes came up to Todd, Jen, and his in-laws. “She remembers getting married, but not the details. She doesn’t remember coming home, and she doesn’t remember anything that happened to cause this accident. I told her she hit her head pretty hard in an accident and she didn’t press me for any more details, thank god. I just…I don’t want her to remember any of this. I want to take that burden for myself, knowing this is my fault.…I had to tell her she was pregnant, she forgot she was pregnant. I just want them to be okay…”

“Gwen is pregnant?” Patti beamed, shocked over the news.

“What??” Jen exclaimed next.

“I um…” Blake looked over to Todd, a little disheveled, and Todd just shrugged and mouthed _I’m sorry_. “I thought Todd would have told you, but uh, obviously not.”

“Oh my god,” Jen said, a hand coming over her mouth as the reality hit her. “Is the baby…?”

“Fine before the seizure but now I don’t know. I just wish someone would come out here, god damn it.”

“So she knows she was in an accident but she doesn’t know that someone tried to kill her?” Jenn asked. 

“I can’t tell her what happened,” Blake shook his head. “How do you tell someone that if they don’t remember? It’s just easier for them to not remember. I’m not going to take that away from her.”

“But what if she does remember? What then?” Todd asked. 

“Then we get through it. But I’m not going to upset her if I don’t have to.”

“Mr. Shelton?” someone in scrubs approached, cutting their conversation off. “She’s okay, she’s barely awake but she’s asking for you.” He shot up immediately out of the chair in the waiting room, Apollo in arms. He took a few steps but stopped and looked back at the rest of the family. He knew he was being selfish, in a way, but he _had_ to see her. 

“Don’t worry about us. Tell her we love her,” Patti reassured him. Blake nodded, and made his way back to the room, beating the small nurse there with his long, quick strides. He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in and entered, peering around the corner as he came inside. 

Gwen’s eyes were half open and she seemed to react when Blake and Apollo began to approach her. Blake just offered her a big, albeit sad smile, taking a seat again next to her bedside. Gwen tried to open her mouth to speak, but it looked painful for her to do so. He placed a finger over her lips.

“Don’t try to speak,” he said. “Save your strength right now.” His eyes went to the two monitors that were monitoring her and the baby, and while they seemed to be alright, the numbers looked lower than what he remembered staring at for hours before. Gwen reached her hand out to find Blake’s, and he took her hand in his. Her opposite hand reached towards Apollo, and understanding what she was trying to do, Blake moved the toddler forward to sit on the bed between the two of them. Her hand rested on his little leg, and Apollo bent down to kiss the top of her hand before leaning back against Blake.

Gwen’s eyes closed, falling into a deep slumber that was needed to recover. 

He wasn’t sure how long he was sitting there with her and Apollo, but soon the door opened and he saw Todd and Jen come into the room, followed by Patti and Dennis. The doctor was right behind them. Todd and Jenn went to the opposite side of the room and sat down, while Patti and Dennis sat in the two chairs near the foot of the bed. 

“They’re both going to be okay,” the doctor explained quietly, drawing everyone’s attention to her. “As far as seizures go, it was a small one, and they’re both stable.”

“Is that going to happen again?” Blake asked.

“We’re going to monitor for now, but now that we know one has happened, we are better prepared to prevent any others.”

“And she’s just sleeping now?” he asked. 

“Yes, that’s very typical. She might not wake up until the morning. And she’s probably going to feel even worse, so you should be prepared for that.”

Blake let out a heavy sigh, and he felt Apollo’s little hand clench onto his shirt. The toddler’s stomach grumbled, and he felt a pang of guilt again.

“He probably is hungry,” Jen chimed in. “He didn’t eat much of his breakfast. We tried, but…”

“Thank you, Jen.” he interrupted her, knowing that they probably really had tried their best. “I, um…”

“Dennis, why don’t you take the little one to get something to eat, give him a little break from all of this hospital stuff,” Patti suggested, nudging him. Dennis stood up, going around next to Blake and reaching out for Apollo.

“Come on, little one, lets go get some food,” Dennis said encouragingly. 

Apollo looked to Blake a bit unsure, not wanting to leave him, but Blake forced a smile and nodded. 

“Go with grandpa, buddy,” he encouraged him. “Will you bring me back some of that mac and cheese, too?” He wasn’t hungry, or planning on eating it, but he knew that if he gave Apollo a task, he would be more likely to want to go. Blake was right, because as soon as he heard him ask him to do something he nodded profusely, letting Dennis take him. The two of them exited the room, which just left him with Patti, Jen, and Todd at this point.

“Please don’t let Gwen know you know about the baby,” Blake said suddenly. “If that’s even possible, I mean, I don’t know how this is going to play out. But I don’t want this situation to rob her of bein’ able to tell you. When she was awake earlier, I told her that the only people that knew were my mom and Todd.”

“Of course. If we can manage to keep it a secret that we already know, we will,” Patti responded. “Blake?”

The softness of her voice saying his name caused his attention to turn to her immediately. Patti moved up towards him, her hands resting on his cheeks as she came up beside him.

“I couldn’t ask for anyone better for my baby girl,” she said, smiling through the few tears that were beginning to prick in her eyes. “Gwen feels the same way. And if she remembers the truth - she’s not going to think for a minute that any of this is your fault. She’s going to be so filled with love for you because you stuck by them, fought for them, you defended your family. And she hasn’t had anyone else like that before.”

She hugged him next, and he was a little taken aback by the gesture as he still felt such guilt over everything. 

Blake heard a soft groan come from behind him and his head snapped back immediately, just in enough time to catch Gwen shifting in her sleep. The hope plastered on his face over the small movement was soon diminished as soon as he realized it was a false alarm - she was just turning in her sleep. Patti squeezed Blake’s hand before letting him go, moving back to sit at the foot of the bed. Blake settled back into the chair he had become quite accustomed to, his gaze resting and studying the two monitors once more.


	11. Mirage

She spent the entire next twenty four hours sleeping soundly, only shifting once or twice in her bed throughout that time. Every time she made a noise or her body moved, Blake’s attention was immediately captivated, only to be disappointed. As time wore on, Todd and Jen headed out with Apollo, and they drove Patti and Dennis home, leaving Blake alone with her once again. His eyes burned into the machines that were monitoring them, barely acknowledging when the nurses periodically came in to check on them. 

He didn’t fall asleep that night; he was too worried something might happen. Like if he kept his attention on her, she’d be okay. He knew it wasn’t logical, he knew it was silly, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do look away. Into the early hours of the morning, his eyes stayed open. He wasn’t going to let her go anywhere.

“Blake?”

He heard Melissa’s voice, they had started to be on a first name basis. She came up beside him and handed him a small bag.

“Someone dropped this off for you,” the nurse explained. He took the bag with a bit of interest, unzipping it to reveal the contents. Looked like a few pairs of clothes and shampoo with body wash. “There’s a shower back there, you’re more than welcome to use it.”

“I can’t leave her,” he said quietly. Melissa bit her lip. She looked to the door, then back to him. 

“Let me sit with her while you shower and change. It won’t be long. And I won’t leave her.”

Blake just looked at her for a moment, unsure. He hated leaving her, even if it was to step ten feet away to shower for five minutes. His gaze went back to Gwen, and after a hesitant moment, he leaned forward and placed a kiss on her cheek before standing up, taking the bag with him to the shower room.

“Thank you,” he mumbled. He watched Melissa take a seat next to Gwen, doing as she promised. He let out a huff, and ducked into the bathroom.

The bathroom door opened about twenty minutes later, Blake completely showered and changed. Melissa stood up and let him take his place back next to Gwen, which he did without hesitation. He pushed the bag to the back of the room and took her hand in his again, just waiting. 

He spent most of the day like that. She didn’t wake up, but the doctors assured him that she was just sleeping it off. Melissa brought in food for Blake around lunch time, and he picked at it, but wasn’t so interested. He sent off a few texts to various family members with the update that there wasn’t much of an update. He told them they could stay home an he’d call if anything happened. 

Another sleepless night separated him from the next morning when she would open her eyes again. He was learning to catch a few minutes of sleep sitting up, and even though hospital staff offered to bring him in a small bed to sleep next to her, he refused. The moment he slept on his own, the moment something would happen. He just knew it. 

His gaze was focused on the machines as the sun came up, and he felt a gentle squeeze in his hand. He was pulled out of his daydream and he perked up immediately, realizing Gwen was starting to wake up.

“Hey,” he said softly, as she seemed to be orienting herself. Gwen’s eyes shot up to the ceiling, trying to grab a focus on something, but his voice drew her attention to him. She looked at him almost blankly for a few moments before Blake offered her a small smile. 

He reached over to the side of the bed and hit the call button, and an unknown nurse followed by Sarah came in to check on them. They dabbled on the monitors and did other things Blake really had no idea about, he focused on them. 

“Are they alright?”

“Yes, everything seems to check out here,” the unknown nurse said.

“Everything _seems_ to check out here?” Blake snapped. He realized he raised his voice as he saw Gwen’s face grimace, and he quieted. “That’s what you said before she had a seizure. Don’t tell me something unless you’re definitive.” He felt Gwen’s hand squeeze him again, which brought him down. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to her, reaching out to stroke her cheek affectionately. 

“Water?” Gwen asked. Blake nodded and reached over for a small bottled water, opening it and putting a straw inside of it. He brought it to her lips and she drank some, her eyes opened a bit more. 

“How’s the baby?” she asked him. 

“Baby is strong. Baby is doing good.” His response caused her to give him a small, relieved smile.

“What day is it?” she asked next.

“I, um, I think it’s Monday?” he said a bit unsure. Blake looked over to Sarah for validation and she nodded at him. 

“I bet I’m at ten weeks now,” she said softly. “Can you tell me what the pregnancy website says?”

Blake couldn’t help it, a big goofy grin came to his face as he reached down with his other hand to pull his phone from his pocket. A few clicks and types on his phone and he had the website up. “Looks like you’ve graduated to the baby bein’ as big as a strawberry instead of a cherry.”

Another smile came to her lips. “What else?”

“Umm…” he said, scrolling through. “It says that the baby’s body length will double in the next three weeks. That this week, the baby has working arm joints, and that the vital organs are fully developed and are starting to work. Hair, fingernails, bones, and cartilage are all starting to grow and develop.”

“What else?”

“It says I should take you shopping for maternity clothes. Now I know why you like this website so much.”

“Let me see,” she said, her hand reaching for his phone. 

“Babe, the doctor said no screens…no TV, no phones…” he said sadly. “But I’ll read the whole thing to you if you want.”

“I’d like that.”

So he began reading. He read all through the sections on how the baby was growing, what symptoms she’d have this week and why, and all of the other information on the website. When he was done, she squeezed his hand. “What is it going to be next week?”

“Why do you want to spoil the surprise??” Blake asked playfully. 

A small chuckle came next. “It’s only a week away,” she reminded him.

“Okay, okay,” he said, clicking the next page for the eleven weeks pregnant information. “Dear god, next week the baby is as big as a lime. How did we jump from strawberry to lime? Does the kid go to college on the twelfth week?”

Gwen started giggling at his reaction. “You’re insane.”

“Ohhh. This week says we should plan a trip together before you go all crazy pregnant lady on me.”

“I don’t believe you,” she said skeptically. 

“Well, part of that statement is true,” he said with a grin. “The part about going on a trip. It says this is the last chance before you really won’t feel like doing anything.”

“Wish we could,” she said quietly, obviously a nod to her current situation. Blake’s face fell a bit.

“You’re going to get better soon,” he reminded her. “You won’t be in here for a long time. I know it. And we’ll have plenty of time to go somewhere if you want. We don’t have to. We can do whatever you want.”

“Good afternoon, Gwen,” the nurse said, coming into the room and interrupting their conversation. She gave both her and Blake a smile, before coming over to the opposed side her her bed. “We’re going to try and see about getting you up a bit today, okay? We’re going to try sitting up and if you feel up to it, standing and walking a bit. How does that sound?”

“No,” was all she said, with a small, quick shake of her head. 

“Come on, honey,” Blake said, reaching out to hold her hand. “Why don’t we at least try?”

“Cause I feel like shit. And I’m going to throw up if I move.”

Blake’s eyes looked up to the nurse for a bit of help. 

“Unfortunately you might get sick, but that’s part of recovery,” she said gently. “Why don’t we have Blake help you sit up instead? You can take your time, but you need to try. You’ll get worse if you don’t.”

“Do it for our baby,” Blake said quietly, as his hand went out to gently stroke her blonde locks back. “I’m sure baby is really confused. You’re always running around doing something and you haven’t moved in days. It’ll be good for both of you.”

Her eyes just rested on his, and there wasn’t an abundance of emotion behind her gaze - it was simply blank. Blake wasn’t going to give up though and he just kept watching her until she gave him some kind of answer.

“….okay,” she conceded. 

The nurse handed Blake a small trash can from the other side and he put it next to him on the ground, just in case. 

“Take my arm as support,” he said, moving closer to her. She hesitated, but her hands soon clenched onto his arm, and she let out a breath. “Take it easy, you’ve got this.” She began to pull on his arm, which stayed still, to rise into a sitting position, however slowly. Her face turned into a grimace and she shook her head and started to lay herself back down.

“No,” she said, but his hand came behind her back and held her up, not allowing her to lay all the way back down.

“S’okay, just take a minute here,” he said patiently. Blake’s eyes looked back over to the nurse who just smiled and nodded at him, letting him know he was doing what he needed to be doing. 

“Blake, I’m dizzy.”

“You’re going to be,” the nurse chimed in. “But you’re going to have to fight through it. Your body has been through a lot.”

“I bet it won’t be so bad once you get all the way up,” he encouraged her again. She gave him a look. “Come on, let’s keep going. I’m not giving up on you.” She sighed and took his arm again, and once Blake felt her start to pull herself up more, he pulled his hand away from holding her entire body weight up, but kept it there just for support. Just as she came into a full sitting position, her hands tightened on him as she felt herself lean forward a bit, feeling sick.

“Blake…” was all she said.

“Hard part is over,” he said, reaching over to push the covers down from her legs. “Keep coming, you’re doing great.”

“Blake,” she said again, letting her head fall to lean against him, her face buried into his chest. His arms went around her instead, holding her gently. His hand stroked down her back, and he looked to the nurse. 

“Why don’t you gently move her the rest of the way,” she suggested. 

“Trash can,” Gwen mumbled suddenly, and Blake’s hand reached out to grab it quickly, holding it next to her as she sat up again. Her body seemed to mimic throwing up, but nothing was actually coming out. She settled for a minute and then pushed the trash can back to Blake, who took it and set it by the bed again. Without warning, his hand moved and hooked under her legs and he gently moved her around, putting her into a position to sit up with her legs dangling off the side of the bed. He stood up and in front of her, and she let her head lean against him and her hands steadied herself at his sides. 

“How’s that?” he asked after a few minutes, his fingers tracing along her back in circles.

“Didn’t realize…how sore I am…” she said, pulling her head up and looking at him, her hands clenching to his sides as she did so. Her face turned into a grimace and she shifted a bit, moving back, as one of her hands went to rest on the wound on her stomach. “God, this hurts so much.”

“I know. I know that sucks, especially with your stomach growing,” he said. 

“I want to stand up. I want to stretch.”

Blake’s face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning as he smiled at her. “Yeah?”

“If you’ll help me.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Gwen reached out for him and her body moved slowly closer to the edge of the bed. Her toes touched the ground and she looked up to Blake.

“Whenever you’re ready,” he said. She let out a breath and her grip tightened on him as she slowly pulled herself to stand in front of him. She felt her knees weaken and she let out a bit of a gasp as she grabbed for him again, and he helped steady her. 

“Sweetheart, you did it,” Blake beamed down at her.

“Maybe that was a little too fast,” she said, letting out a breath.

“Okay, come on, sit back down.”

Blake helped her take a step back so that she could sit back on the bed. “Baby, I’m so proud of you, that was really good.”

A few tears were forming in her eyes and she kept her gaze averted away from him. “I don’t want to be here anymore, Blake. I don’t.” His face dropped at her sudden mood change and he took a seat next to her on the bed, letting her lean against him. His thumb reached down to wick away a tear on her cheek.

“You’re going to get stronger,” he said. “We’re going to keep working on it and we’ll be able to go home once you are. And I’m not leaving you for a second in the meantime.” He let out a breath. “You just sat up for the first time all week. You even stood up for a minute. That’s huge.”

“I don’t even know why I’m here,” she said suddenly, which made Blake tense a bit. “I don’t even remember getting into an accident. I don’t even know what kind of accident. Blake…” She breathed. "What happened to me?”

Her eyes went up to him and she was pleading. 

“Why is there a cut across my stomach? Does this have something to do with the baby? Why haven’t you told me anything?”

Internally, he felt panic. He wasn’t ready to answer questions like that. She had just been so out of it, and he was still having an internal struggle over what to tell her, that he unknowingly pushed it to the back burner. He had three options - total truth, partial truth, or complete lie. He had to think about the baby. He had to do what he felt in his heart was the right thing for now.

“It was a car accident,” he finally said. “Another driver t-boned you on the driver’s side and messed up your car pretty bad. Messed you up pretty bad. Metal from the car hit you in the back of the head and something else scraped you across your stomach when they were trying to pull you out.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that before?” she asked quietly.

“I didn’t want you to remember,” he admitted. “You needed to focus on getting better and resting.”

It was a complete lie, but one that Gwen seemed to be accepting calmly. The truth, alternatively would have probably sent her into a panic. After all, how do you tell your wife the nanny went psycho and tried to kill her and her baby with a knife?

“Car totaled?”

“Yeah. But I don’t care about that. Gwen, you and the baby are alive. That is seriously the only important thing to me.”

“Was Apollo in the car?”

“No, he was with —“ Blake caught himself before mentioning her. “…me, he was with me. You went to run some errands and we were at home together making lunch for when you got back.”

“I want to see him.”

“Okay,” Blake nodded immediately. “I’ll have Todd bring him by tonight. He misses you. He’s been visiting and sleeping next to you.”

She nodded. “What happened to the other driver?”

“I don’t know,” he answered, feeling like that was the first honest thing he said. He had no idea what had happened to Taylor. 

“How long do I have to be here?”

“I…I don’t know that either. I knew they said at least a week before you had the seizure, but now I don’t know if that’s changed.” He paused. “I’m not leaving you. I haven’t left you, and I’m going to be here the whole time.”

“You haven’t left at _all_?” she asked.

“Of course not.”

“Blake you need to take care of yourself. Eat. Shower. Sleep. Those things.”

“S’okay. There’s a shower back there. The nurses bring me food. And I’ve found out I’m really good at sleeping sitting up.”

“He’s not, actually,” one of the nurses chimed in from behind them, and Gwen gave him an incredulous look. 

“I can’t sleep until I know you’re okay,” he admitted, giving up on lying. 

“Blake, we can still bring that bed in for you if you want us to…”

“Yes, please, bring that in for him,” Gwen interrupted. “And you, quit being stubborn.” Her hand rested against his chest as she looked up to him. “I would feel so much better if you could try and get some sleep tonight.”

“I can promise you I’ll try,” he said with a sigh.

“Thank you.”

He kissed the top of her head and they sat in silence for a few minutes. Blake looked down to her and nudged her a bit. “Ready to try again?”

She nodded, letting out a breath, and taking his hands to try once more.


	12. Your Illusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, to all of the amazing people that have reached out to me, stood up for me, and supported me. You guys are seriously the best and I'm overwhelmed with gratitude <3

He worked with her until she gave up. Until it was too much for her to handle anymore. 

He had committed his life to her, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, and he wasn’t going anywhere. He was her family, and he knew how badly she needed him there with her, even though she was hesitant to admit it. Admitting it would put pressure on Blake to stay with her around the clock, and even though that was what he was already doing, she couldn’t bring herself to ask that of him. 

After a few more attempts and an afternoon nap, she walked to the door of the room with him supporting her. Using her feet again was an odd sensation, and she didn’t particularly like the feeling when the hospital gown would brush against her stomach wound. Parts of her body felt tingly, even if only for a fleeting moment, but anytime she felt less than stable he was there, and all she had to do was reach over to him. She had a few spells of nausea, but at this point it was unclear if it was baby or injury that was causing them. Gwen’s hand rested against the door as she made it there a second time and sighed, biting her lip.

“Pretty soon you’ll be running around this hospital, babe,” he encouraged her. “You worked so hard today and didn’t give up. I’m so proud of you.”

“If I manage to walk out of the hospital, does that mean I get discharged?”

“Abso-fuckin’-lutely not,” he said a bit sternly, but lovingly, and she rolled her eyes.

“Worth a shot.”

“I do have a surprise for you, though,” he said, and this immediately piqued her interest. Her head turned to the side and up to him as her eyebrow raised. “That’s fine, if you don’t want your surprise, you don’t seem too excited….”

“No, Blake, no, I want it,” she interrupted him, which caused him to smile. He held out his arm for her and she took it, letting him lead her forward. 

“Ta-da!” he said suddenly, leading her across to the other side of the room, pointing at a wheelchair. “I had them bring it in secretly when you were napping.”

“I hope you don’t think I’m spending the rest of my pregnancy in that thing,” Gwen said skeptically. 

“I’m not an idiot,” he mumbled. He took his arm from her and left her standing steady before moving forward to the wheelchair, adjusting the pedals and things to prepare for her to sit in it. “But if you want your surprise, you’ll have to grin and bear it for tonight.”

She let out a small chuckle and shook her head as he came back around next to her, supporting her another few steps forward and turning to help her sit down comfortably. One of her hands rested against her stomach as Blake kneeled in front of her and placed her feet up in the chair. He gave her a big goofy grin before standing up, leaning forward to peck a kiss on her forehead before returning to his normal height. 

“ _What_ are we doing with this thing?” she asked curiously. 

“It’s a surprise,” he whispered. “Man, you’re so difficult when it comes to surprises. You want to know where we’re going, you want to know what fruit the baby is going to be next week…”

“Blaaaake!” she said with a small chuckle, impatiently. 

“Okay, okay, let’s go.”

“You mean we’re leaving the room?” she turned and looked up to him with hope.

“Of course we are. I’m not just going to put you in a wheelchair and spin you in circles, sunshine,” he chuckled, shook his head, and gently pushed the wheelchair forward.

“Blake,” she said, her hand grabbing the door frame to stop them, as she turned to look at him. He looked at her intently. “There’s not like, people here with cameras that you know about, right? I feel like shit, I can only imagine what I look like. And I’m pretty sure I don’t have as much hair as I used to and I don’t know what that looks like…”

Her sudden, unexpected insecurities tugged at him. He considered for a moment, then came up beside her and bent down so they were at eye level.

“You’re perfect,” he said. “You’re always perfect.” He paused, before continuing. “The doctor said she had to shave some hair in the back to get to your brain, but she did it in a way that hopefully it won’t be noticeable. It’s all bandaged up though so I don’t know what it looks like. But you’ve got to believe me when I tell you that you’re still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

Gwen’s eyes were a bit teary as she rolled them up, forcing herself to look at the ceiling to compose herself.

“And you know I’d never knowingly walk you into cameras,” he added. “The media knows about the accident, but they’re not allowed anywhere near us. You’re safe.” She nodded, placing both hands on her stomach which somehow brought her comfort. Blake pecked her on the cheek, stood up, then pushed her forward, and down the hall.

“Hi Blake!” one of the nurses said once they passed the nurse’s station. “Glad to see she’s up and you’re able to take her around.”

He shyly lifted his hand in a wave and nodded, and it wasn’t even a few minutes before the next piped up as they passed a nurse down the hall.

“Blake! Good to see you!” another one said, a few moments later. 

Gwen just let out a chuckle. “I see you’ve made some friends, babe.”

“I told you I hadn’t left since we brought you here,” he responded. “What else am I supposed to do?”

“I think it’s funny.”

“Whaaaat? They’re good people mostly. There’s two that have really taken good care of you. Melissa has been here most days as your nurse and Sarah was assigned to you to monitor baby. They’re my favorites. Some of the others are idiots, like the one that said everything _seems_ just dandy and fine.”

Gwen couldn’t help but laugh. “Babe, I’m sure she didn’t mean that like you’re taking that…”

“Idiot, I tell ya, idiot. I’m going to tell the doctor to not let that one back in your room.”

Gwen just shook her head, defeated. “Whatever makes you happy, baby.”

Blake rounded a corner with her, and then stopped.

“Okay, now’s the time you need to close your eyes, before we go further,” he said.

“You’re really building the suspense on this one, cowboy,” she said with a smile. Gwen brought her hands up to completely cover her eyes, and she felt the wheelchair move forward again. A few minutes later they entered a room where she heard people talking, but wasn’t sure what was going on. The wheelchair stopped and she felt Blake put the breaks on, and soon after felt his breath against her ear.

“Open your eyes, sunshine.”

Gwen let her hands fall from her eyes, realizing she was sitting up at a table. There were candles lit and a crisp white tablecloth that brushed up onto her legs, with two place settings down on the table. Blake smiled and moved around the table, taking a seat in a chair next to her.

“I know how badly you want to leave this place,” he said. “It’s just not possible right now - you need to get better. I thought maybe the next best thing was to give you a candlelight dinner in the far corners of the cafeteria hoping that you might be able to feel for just a minute like this was a real restaurant in the real world.”

“Oh, cowboy,” she looked at him sweetly, as her arm reached out for him. “How are you this thoughtful all the time? I can’t…I’m speechless.”

“The only thing that kind of sucks is that I can’t just feed you anything you want, doc wants you to take it easy on the food. I was going to wait until you could eat anything you wanted and I was going to bring you in your favorite Italian, but I think you needed more to just get out of that room today.”

“You always know what I need, even when I don’t,” she said, a smile still plastered on her face. Gwen peered across the table, then back up to him. “But is that chocolate pudding? Because I think baby just got really excited about the idea of chocolate pudding.”

Blake chuckled. “Yes, that is chocolate pudding,” he responded, placing a spoon in the bowl and handing it to her. Gwen grinned as she took it from him, taking a few bites. 

“How do you think this chocolate pudding would taste on top of those vegetables?”

“Oh my god, you’re so pregnant.” 

“It was just a thought!”

He laughed again and just shook his head, reaching for his own covered plate to start eating himself. He pulled the tinfoil on it back and took a few bites of mashed potatoes. His eyes caught Gwen’s hand moving forward a moment later, plucking a carrot from her dinner plate and swiftly dipping it in the chocolate pudding.

“Really??” he asked her, as he began to laugh.

Gwen chewed the bite she took and swallowed, looking up at him innocently. “It’s really not as bad as you think!”

They both laughed as Gwen ate the last few bites of the pudding, setting the bowl down. She settled back a bit in the wheelchair and watched Blake eat a few bites of his own, just studying him. 

“Are you full?” he asked, turning his attention to her.

“A little,” she admitted. “I got excited about pudding. I ate a little fast.”

He nodded, then took another few bites. 

“You know just looking at you here, talking to you, feels completely normal. Feels like I’m not actually stuck here.”

Blake’s hand reached out for hers, squeezing it. “Good. That’s what I wanted to do for you.”

“Can I talk to you about something?” she asked suddenly.

“Of course, sweetheart. What’s on your mind?” he asked, his eyes moving intently towards her again.

“So like…I know we don’t know anything yet about the baby. Like they haven’t done tests to make sure its okay…we don’t know if its a girl or a boy…and it’s really early in the pregnancy but I’ve had a lot of time to think…”

“…yeah?…”

“I mean, it helps me to think ahead. Think about not being here, think about having the baby, what the nursery is going to look like, I guess stupid girl stuff —“

Blake cut her off. “— _not_ stupid girl stuff,” he corrected her. 

“For some reason, and I don’t know why…when I see this baby, I just. I have this feeling it’s going to be a girl,” she finally explained. “I can see Apollo being a great big brother. And if its a girl, there’s only one name I keep thinking of. I keep seeing a little girl named Georgia.” She shrugged a bit, suddenly feeling a bit shy and her eyes cast away from Blake for a moment as her lips turned up into a small smile. 

“Georgia Shelton,” Blake said, a smile coming to his face. There was something about the inflection of his voice that sounded positive, which is what drew Gwen’s eyes and attention back up to the cowboy. 

“I know it’s not….like, a typical name really, but…”

“Gwen, it’s our daughter’s name,” he said unexpectedly. “That has to be our daughter’s name. Because it’s perfect.” They were just grinning at one another at this point, as Gwen tapped her fingers against her belly with the hand Blake wasn’t holding. “ _Georgia_ brings up so many memories for me and that’s where my life really started. It’s where our life started. _Georgia_ means so much to me, you have no idea.”

“I know it was jumping the gun, there’s a lot of unknowns, but I wanted to tell you. And I’m so happy you like it.” Gwen tugged a bit at his hand, signaling him forward. She grinned right before his lips brushed against hers in a soft kiss. 

“So what does the nursery look like?” Blake asked, as he took a seat back down. 

She was all too excited to tell him about her plans for the nursery. She knew what colors she wanted, she knew what furniture was going to look like, she knew how she wanted the room set up. An hour must have passed on that conversation alone, Gwen peddling on about her ideas as she slowly ate more of her food, laughing and joking with Blake in between with their side conversations. Before they knew it, the kitchen seemed to begin shutting down and Blake leaned forward and blew out the candle on the table, wheeling a sleeping Gwen back to her room for the night. 

Once they got back to the room, the nurse staff had set up a small rollaway bed next to Gwen’s knowing full well Blake wasn’t going to leave that night. He helped her climb back into her hospital bed and get settled, helping her readjust and get comfortable. He sat next to her, stroking her hair back and talking to her a bit before she fell asleep. After watching her sleep - it was mesmerizing to him, after all - he quietly rounded the room and laid down on his own bed. It was way too small for the tall cowboy, but it didn’t take him long to finally doze to sleep to get some rest of his own. 

In retrospect, it was a perfect day. They were happy together, despite the fact Gwen was still recovering in the hospital.

If only it had stayed that way.


	13. Full Disclosure

Blake woke suddenly, having fallen asleep next to Gwen on the small bed. He oriented himself in a second, his eyes going to her immediately. Her body was jerking, shaking, and he realized she seemed to be panicked and in terror in her sleep.

“Gwen…” he said, turning towards her, sitting up in a flash with his hands going to her shoulders to attempt to still her. “Baby, wake up, come on Gwen…”

Her eyes shot open and her body shot up as she gasped, almost as if she was lacking air, before she started hysterically crying. She let out a contained scream as her shaking hands went to her head, feeling the bandages. Alarmed was an understatement as Blake was shaken to his core and moved closer to her, trying to gently hold her still by the arms, but she wasn’t having any of it. Her hands fell down her body as she continued to cry, grabbing protectively at her stomach.

“No! She can’t kill the baby! She can’t!” she screamed, her body still convulsing as the tears continued to pour down her face.

“Gwen!” Blake raised his voice, trying to get her attention. He didn’t even think she realized he was there with her; the look of pure terror on her face was enough to make him sick. His hands grabbed onto her shoulders with more intent, but she forcefully jerked away.

“You lied to me!” she screamed at him suddenly, but it almost came out as a defensive growl. "Why would you tell me this was a car accident when this wasn’t a goddamn car accident?!”

It was his worst fears coming to life in front of his eyes, as he had just spent the past several days praying to god that this wouldn’t happen, praying to god she never would truly remember. His hands rested on her lap, defeated for the moment, as he was scrambling and struggling with what to do or say.

“Get OFF of me!” she screamed at him, jumping back almost the moment she felt his hands on her again.

He wasn’t giving up. Even as she pulled and jerked away, he still forced himself to stay next to her. “You need to calm down!” he echoed her intensity, knowing full well it was the only way to get her to potentially listen to him. "I didn’t have a choice! Gwen, please, you need to calm down! You need to get ahold of yourself!” He was pleading desperately with her, hoping something would get through. 

“I need to calm down?!” she yelled. “I need to CALM DOWN?! Taylor tried to kill us! She tried to kill…the baby…” she cried harder, letting her head fall as she pulled her legs in closer to herself. By now, a few nurses and the doctors had coming running in the room, they were saying things, but Blake couldn’t even hear them - he was just focused on what the doctor had told him earlier. The moment Gwen’s breathing caught in the back of her throat - signaling the start of a panic attack, as Blake had learned - his hands went to each of her cheeks a bit forcefully, forcing her to look at him. 

“Gwen, you need to listen to me,” he started intently. She was gasping and crying at the same time, her eyes looked like they were looking at him, but he knew he had to force it if anything was going to work. “You need to calm yourself down. You’re going to hurt the baby and they CAN’T give you medicine to help you while you’re pregnant. You need to take a deep breath. Right now.” His thumbs reached up and wicked the tears away that were threatening to fall as she kept her gaze in his. She was still shaking, gasping, and maybe even pulling away from him, but he wasn’t letting her go. Blake never believed in forcing Gwen to do anything with strength as his advantage over her, but it was necessary to use it now. Her breathing suddenly quickened again; he still hadn’t broken through. 

“Right now. Deep breath, one two three…” Blake mimicked taking a deep breath, but Gwen just lost control again. “No. Gwen, you’re going to hurt the baby, you NEED to listen to me right now. No matter how much you hate me, no matter how pissed you are, this is NOT about you. One, two, three…” He mimicked another deep breath and Gwen tried a little one, but went back to erratic breathing. “Again, come on.”

He coaxed her through a series of deep breaths until she got her breathing somewhat under control. He didn’t break eye contact with her the entire time, and she continued to take deep breaths even after Blake had stopped. Her arms tightened around her stomach again protectively. Her eyes were bloodshot, her face terrified. Her finger caught and traced a part of the scar.

“Did it…die?” her strained voice came. It felt like a punch in the gut with how confused she was getting. 

Blake decided to take a risky move. He moved his one hand down to rest over hers against her stomach, stilling her. “The baby is fine. But you need to keep yourself under control.” He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in. “It’s hard, I know, but you need to try.”

She started sobbing again. “You told me this was a car accident,” she managed, as her body contracted as her torso bent forward. “Why couldn’t this have just been a car accident…”

He gritted his teeth together trying to force himself not to cry with her. Seeing her in this much anguish was truly making him sick and angry. She was breaking, and he couldn’t allow her to get any worse. He moved forward and pulled her into his lap, into his arms, being careful not to crush baby and being mindful of her injuries. He felt her body attempt to tug away but he tightened his grip, refusing to let her go.

“Let go of me, I don’t want you,” she demanded as she sobbed, gasping again as her breath caught in her throat. Blake had her in his arms tight, her body not able to shake as much as a result.

“No. This is the calmest I can get you right now. You might hate me, but I know this is helping.”

Gwen let out a defeated whimper, before she let her head bury into his chest as she cried some more. He was just holding her, trying to shush and soothe her best he could. While the initial reaction was shocking, he felt alright about where she was.

“I didn’t mean to lie to you, baby,” he said after a few minutes. “I’m _so_ sorry, I panicked, I’ve been panicking so much about this and I thought it was best for you, you didn’t remember and you needed to stay calm for the baby and to get better and…”

“But you lied about _everything_ , damn it,” she clarified as she sobbed more. “You didn’t have to tell me this was a car accident! You could have told me something closer to the truth!”

“I thought you were going to die!” he raised his voice suddenly, realizing it was the only way to get through to her. “I didn’t have the capacity to figure out how to handle this by myself! I was just trying to do my best and protect you the best I could and fine, I failed. I lied to protect you for hurting the baby, because it was a miracle it survived in the first place!”

His sudden raised voice shocked her and he felt her stop moving to fight his arms around her. She caught her breath a few times and kept quiet for a few minutes.

“I was terrified,” she said hoarsely, eventually breaking the silence. “Blake, I thought I was going to die.”

Her face looked broken and defeated as a few more tears fell down her cheeks; unlike anything he had ever seen before. His heart broke even more hearing those words as he felt his own eyes start to water a bit. He squeezed her delicately and didn’t let go.

“I have to get out of here. I have to get out,” she said suddenly. Blake’s arms had relaxed around her when he realized she wasn’t fighting him anymore, but tightened as soon as she began shifting to leave.

“No, you can’t leave. You are staying in this hospital until they make sure the two of you are _really_ okay. You’ve already had a seizure once, and I’m sorry, but I’m keeping you here as long as possible.”

“I need to find Apollo,” she said, not taking that answer.

“Apollo is fine. He is at Todd and Jen’s. He’s okay, he wasn’t hurt.”

Gwen sniffled a bit, forcing a few more deep breaths that were bordering on hyperventilating. 

“You are so safe with me right now. You both are. Nobody is going to hurt you, I swear to god I’ll kill anyone that tries.”

“She’s going to go after him if she’s still alive,” she said in a panic. “Did she die? What happened? Why don’t I remember? Did she get away? Blake, I swear to god please just let me get out of here I don’t feel safe, I don’t feel good, I can’t handle this, I can’t…”

“Shh…,” he said first, before continuing. “She’s either dead or in prison. I don’t really care, it’s not important, she’s somewhere that she can’t hurt us anymore. And as for handling this, Gwen, we need to help you get a handle on this, because you can’t be this upset for the baby’s sake."

Her hand grabbed a handful of his shirt as he felt her body melt against him, finally surrendering to him more.

“You shot her,” she whispered, barely audible. 

“And I would do it again,” his voice came lower, matching hers. 

“I’m getting sick,” she warned suddenly, breaking out of his arms and coming to the side of the bed. Her intent was to get to the bathroom but it came suddenly and she started scrambling, grabbing for the trash can she knew was near the bed. Blake came over quickly and grabbed it for her, holding it under her nose as he let his arm go to support her back. Her hands gripped the edges as her stomach painfully emptied its contents into the bin. 

The tears were running down her face as she held the bin away from her, swallowing hard. 

“Gwen?” Melissa’s voice suddenly came, coming up beside them. Neither had realized they weren’t alone. As soon as Melissa came close, Gwen shifted and moved away from them both. “We can give you a little something to help you calm down. It’s not the kind of drug you’re used to but it’s safe and I think it will help you focus.”

Gwen just shook her head. “Don’t touch me."

“Come on, sweetheart,” Blake encouraged her. “Why don’t you lay down and I’ll lay with you and we can see if this helps.”

“Get away from me, I mean it.”

“I’ll just…step back for a few,” Melissa said, doing so, allowing them a bit more space. 

“Honey…” Blake said, reaching out for her hand. She just shook her head and pulled it away from him.

“Go home, Blake,” she forced out.

“What?” he was shocked, and the hurt in his voice was obvious. 

“You heard me.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Gwen, I really think you will feel a lot better if…” Melissa’s voice interjected.

“Both of you. Get. Out.” Her voice was changing from upset to angry. Neither of them moved. “GET OUT!” she screamed, causing Melissa to jump and Blake to flinch back in pain. “Get out get out get out GET OUT GET OUT damn it, GET OUT!” she suddenly screamed again as tears came back to her eyes. She didn’t know if she was coming or going, she was having so many issues processing this and couldn’t even recognize the most basic of truths in those moments. 

Melissa had already began to scurry off, and at that point all Blake had done was stand up. He had tears falling down his face and he was just so torn, and frankly broken in those moments. Gwen’s body curled up into a tight ball as she hugged her legs, her body gently swaying as she sniffled and tried to keep her crying quieter. 

“I did all of this to protect you,” his voice came out in a strained whisper, as his boots shuffled against the tile floor, on the way out the door. He stopped in the door frame and took a look back at her, but she didn’t move. She didn’t flinch. She just continued to hug her legs to her chest as silent tears rolled down her face. 

He grit his teeth together once more as he turned and opened the door to her room, stepping outside. The door shut slowly, quietly, as he felt his back hit the wall and he slid down into a sitting position as he finally let himself go. His head buried into his arms as he felt such horrendous guilt over the entire situation and a new level of hopelessness he had not previously attained.


	14. Watch Over Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys know I'm a sucker and can't leave them upset for long, right? I'm excited about this chapter. I'm preparing for numerous concerts in the coming month, including multiple stops for one of my all time favorite bands Hanson (besides ND of course), and the events of this chapter directly related to my favorite song by them called Watch Over Me. It's precious and you should listen to it. (Also, fun facts, the entire Georgia series was inspired by Hanson, too!)
> 
> Enjoy. This chapter has a better ending. I promise. Haha.
> 
> <3 
> 
> xoelectric

He was catatonic.

It felt like hours, maybe days, that he was sitting in the hallway of that hospital. The initial shock and pain had dulled, and he was left just simply staring in front of him. He didn’t react to anyone that passed him, didn’t flinch even when a nurse rushed by so closely she almost ran into his leg. Since he had been kicked to the curb, the darkness outside turned into sunlight, peeking in from a window nearby. If he had to guess, if he even _cared_ , he would have probably put the time somewhere around late morning at that point.

It was a punch in the gut that he didn’t know what was going on, what she was doing in that room by herself. About an hour after she had the panic attack, Melissa had tried to slip in to check on her, but Gwen wasn’t having any of it. She kept herself as far away from the nurse as possible, not letting her barely get inside the door. Blake heard the entire thing but just kept still and hidden; he didn’t want her to know he hadn’t left. He showed no obvious reaction to Melissa, who came out and closed the door, a bit defeated. 

As the morning wore on, he felt a twinge of worry that she hand’t allowed anyone to check on her in a while. After Melissa’s attempt, nobody else had dared to open the door. The doctor had come over and told Blake something about giving her some time alone, especially if it meant she would calm down on her own for a bit. But for all he knew, she could have escaped out the window or something by then. His mind started wandering, trying to come up with some kind of a plan. 

Blake remembered what she had said about wanting to see Apollo. No matter how traumatized Gwen was, he knew that seeing him couldn’t do her harm, that it only had the potential to help. He shot a text off to Todd, hoping that he would be able to bring him over on such short notice. 

Time was irrelevant as he continued to sit quietly, keeping to himself. Another hour had passed before Blake’s phone vibrated, it was Todd saying they were out in the waiting room. Blake stood slowly, feeling his sore muscles as he stretched them a bit. His eyes looked to the door leading to her room. Without thought, his hand reached out as his brow wrinkled and rested on the doorknob, hesitating. It physically hurt him to retract his hand, turn away, and walk out to the lobby.

He came through the double doors and a very hyper Apollo jumped up into view immediately. “Daddyyyyy!” he said, running fast over towards Blake. That kid always managed to bring a smile to his face as he bent his knees to squat, opening his arms up and letting the toddler run full force into them. 

“Cookie,” Apollo said, standing up again and grinning at him. Blake then noticed Apollo was holding one in his hand, and he waved it forward near his face. 

“Did you have fun making cookies with Uncle Todd, buddy?” he asked. “Those look so good.”

Apollo just nodded and smiled, touching the cookie to Blake’s lips. He giggled when Blake didn’t immediately open his mouth to accept the gift. Blake let out a chuckle and he nibbled off a small piece of it. “Mmmmm…” he said. His arm moved forward and scooped him up, standing up with him as Todd came over. 

“It’s bad, huh?” Todd asked. 

“She kicked me out of her room in the middle of the night,” he said, struggling to keep a straight face. “It was like when she remembered, it happened all over again…but worse, because she also remembered that I lied to her about it.” He sighed. “I don’t know how to fix this one, Todd.”

“You did it to protect her,” he reminded Blake. “She might have gotten upset but man, come on, she’ll come around. She’ll see what you did for her.”

“Well, I can’t brave it in there alone right now,” he replied. “I have a higher chance of not getting kicked out if I take him in with me.”

“Good luck,” he said. “I’ve got to go run a few errands but I’ll be back in a few hours if you need me.”

Blake nodded as Todd patted his shoulder in support before taking off. He looked at Apollo.

“Mom is pretty sad right now,” he tried to explain. “But she really wants to see you. Think you can make her feel better, bud?”

“I wanna see momma,” Apollo responded.

Blake walked back through the double doors and down the hall, heading towards the room again. He stopped when he got to the door. He went through the same routine once more; hand on the doorknob, hesitate, freeze. He let out a breath, and slowly turned the doorknob, just barely cracking it open.

“Gwen?” he called into the room. No response. “It’s okay that you hate me right now, but, I have Apollo with me, so I’m going to come in with him. Just us two. Okay?”

No response.

He hesitated, but as he didn’t hear any objections, either, he slowly pushed the door open, slipping them both inside the room. He took a step around the privacy curtain and looked at the bed, which was empty. His eyes scanned the room, catching on a mop of blonde hair and bandages peeking up from the far corner. 

She was sitting on the ground, having backed herself in a corner. Her knees were pushed up to her chin as she was hunched forward, curled into a ball. 

Blake gently set Apollo down to stand on his own, taking a few steps towards that far corner. He moved a rolling tray out of the way which allowed Apollo to see her for the first time.

“Momma!” he exclaimed, letting go of Blake’s hand to move forward. Blake stayed back, watching Apollo spring forward towards her, watching her face. Within seconds, it went from catatonic to the light coming back into her eyes.

“Baby,” she said with a strained voice, letting her knees drop to her sides and reaching out for him. She inhaled sharply as her arms went around him and hugged him close to her tightly. Gwen buried her head against his little shoulder for a moment before her head and eyes turned up to Blake. 

Their eyes locked for what felt like an eternity. Gwen’s still had a few tears filling hers, one slowly falling down her left cheek. Apollo bounced in her arms, kneeing the bad side of her stomach.

“Aaagghhh,” Gwen said with a jolt, her face in a grimace. Blake took one step forward out of protective instinct but stopped, keeping his distance once he remembered. He stood there a little awkwardly, not really sure what to do. Not wanting to ruin the fact that she seemed okay with them being in the same room again.

“Careful, little man, mom’s sore,” he said. Gwen’s eyes went back up to him as she shifted Apollo to sit on her opposite leg. Blake’s eyes caught when he thought he saw red on the side of the hospital gown she was wearing.

“Gwen, you’re bleeding,” his face fell in concern and he moved forward, taking a seat on the ground next to her. He was having to use all of his strength left to not touch her. He didn’t realize how hard that would be. Her face fell and she looked down, her fingers brushing against the stained section of the gown.

“Oh. I am,” was all she said.

“Wish you would let one of the nurses look at it,” he said. She just gave a shrug. He decided to take a chance, slowly moving himself forward. He was sitting right in front of her, their knees dangerously close to touching. But not yet. 

“I don’t trust them,” she said quietly, just barely above a whisper. 

She leaned Apollo’s head against her shoulder and held him there, closing her eyes for a few minutes. Just letting herself focus on the little one and nothing else. 

“Do you trust _me_?” he asked, even though he knew that was a risky question. 

She stayed quiet. She struggled with the expression on her face. And then it broke.

“Blake, I’m just so scared,” her voice strained as her tear-filled eyes met his. He felt he had an in at that point and moved next to her, reaching for and settling Apollo on his left leg, then gently pulling Gwen onto his right. She buried her face immediately in his chest, softly crying as her hand clenched to his shirt. Apollo’s head leaned against Blake’s shoulder, and being able to hold the both of them like that after the night before was seriously about to cause _him_ to break. 

“I know you are, sweetheart,” he said gently. “I was terrified I was going to lose you. That’s the only reason I did what I did…”

“I know.”

“You do?”

She wicked a tear away off her cheek, looking down in her lap. “It hurts either way. You didn’t want me to have to go through it twice. I get it.” She paused. “Thank you.” Her face wrinkled in confusion, trying to find the right words. “I can’t explain what was going through my mind when…”

“You don’t need to explain,” he cut her off. He didn’t want her to feel worse. 

“I couldn’t think straight. It felt like a freight train ran me over and I couldn’t recover. I’m sorry I treated you so terribly.”

“I _did_ lie to you,” he reminded her. “It was good intentioned, and the right move, I still believe, but it happened. You couldn’t process that. I get it.”

She inhaled as her hand tightened around the fabric she was still holding, letting out a soft sigh.

“You haven’t had IV fluids in you all night,” he said softly. “And you need to get that wound checked. Will you please let me get one of the nurses for you?”

She hesitated. “You won’t leave?”

“I haven’t and I’m not plannin’ to. Never.”

She nodded a little.

“Take it easy, okay?” he said, encouraging her to stand up. Her hands reached up to the side of the bed and she did as he told her, taking it nice and slow. Blake was up in one swift movement and set Apollo down on Gwen’s bed, a bit away from her. Gwen took a seat on the edge. She looked down and reached out to the edge of the gown, pulling it up to show him her stomach. At best, it looked like a few of the stitches were messed up.

Blake’s hand rested against her hip lightly as he took a look. “I hope they’re not getting infected.”

“I don’t even feel like a human right now.”

“I bet fluids will help,” he said, his hand resting on her cheek. 

“I want a shower. And migraine medication time ten.”

“Okay babe, one thing at a time. I’ll see what we can do, I promise.” He reached over for the call button and pressed it, just before helping her lay back on the bed. It didn’t even take five seconds for Sarah to come scrambling in. 

“Everything okay in here?” she asked, looking between Blake and Gwen. 

“Yeah, she said she’s ready for fluids again. And if we could get someone to look at her stitches, that would be great.”

Sarah nodded. “I’ll also get the doctor,” she said, before stepping out. A minute or two later they came back in, the doctor coming up on the opposite side of the bed. 

“Hi Gwen, how are you doing?” she asked. Blake felt her hand squeeze his.

“I have a migraine,” she said. 

“Okay. Let’s do something for that, then. We’re going to hook you back up to the fluids, okay? It’s the fastest thing that will make you feel better. Can I see your arm?”

She held her arm out and forward as Sarah brought the IV pole around. Gwen grimaced a bit as the doctor inserted the end of it into the tube she already had there. 

“It’s going to feel cold, do you want some more blankets?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll go grab some,” Sarah said, stepping out of the room. 

The doctor reached over to examine the stitches on her stomach, cleaning them up and fixing one that had come loose. She secured a fresh bandage over it after gently spreading ointment across it. 

“We’re going to get the fetal monitor back on you too, okay?” She nodded. The doctor reached over and took the band and put it across her, securing it once more. 

Gwen lowered the gown and let it fall to her thigh as Sarah came back in. She opened one of the blankets and spread it open, bringing it up to Gwen’s lap. She took it the rest of the way, all the way up to her shoulders.

“Can I shower later?” she asked, a bit hopeful. 

“We’ll see,” the doctor said. “Let’s check on that head wound this evening as that’s the deciding factor.” The doctor moved up and went to the foot of the bed, and it only took Apollo a minute to crawl over to that side of Gwen to be with her. “We’ll step out to let her relax some, let the fluids take.”

Blake moved to also be on the bed with Gwen and Apollo as he felt her tug at him to do so. She turned gently to lay on her side and Blake did as well, ending up in a semi-spooning position behind her. His finger traced down her arm nonchalantly, before he tugged the covers back all the way up and over her body. 

“She’s right, it’s like my veins are cold,” she said. “You know how it feels when you have the flu, and you get cold chills? Kind of like that.”

“Is it helping?”

“I feel calmer. But I don’t think the fluids did that. I think that was you.”

He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her cheek. She took his hand and moved it, gently laying it against her stomach. She let out a content sigh.

“He shouldn’t have to see me like this,” she said next, obviously referring to Apollo.

“You needed to see him. And he missed you. Todd will be back in a few hours, he’s not spending the night with us.”

“Okay, good. He needs to be around people like them.” She yawned.

“You’re not going to offend anyone if you want to close your eyes, babe. You had a long night.”

She did so almost immediately. “I love you, Blake. Please never stop watching over us.”

He stroked her hair back. “Never. Sleep tight, sunshine."


	15. Remnants

She flinched in her sleep, slowly coming back to reality as she heard muffled voices near her. As her eyes opened, she tugged the blankets closer to her body, still feeling the cold in her veins. Gwen realized Apollo wasn’t on the bed with them anymore, and she turned onto her back searching for a vision of Blake.

But he wasn’t there, either. 

A bit alarmed she sat up, letting her vision orient as the voices became clearer.

“My wife is pregnant with a high risk pregnancy and just remembered a huge trauma that nearly killed her. For the sake of my family, you are _not_ going to talk to her. You’re going to give her more time.”

It was Blake’s voice. Despite the content, it didn’t take her long to figure that out. He was hovering in the doorway, back facing her, with the door halfway open as he was talking to someone. She couldn’t hear the other side, but she could tell Blake wasn’t satisfied with the answer.

“I don’t give a fucking damn about what your protocol is. She spent all night having a panic attack in a corner and wouldn’t let anyone go near her. Now you’re suggesting that two seconds after she lets _me_ back into the room, that it’s a good idea to do this now??”

“Blakey?” her barely there voice managed. Blake looked back into the room at her, then back out whoever he was talking to.

“Stay away from her. You can take it up with her doctor, cause I’m done with you.” He shut the door to her hospital room and huffed. He hesitated for a moment but then turned to head back over towards Gwen. He offered her a smile. “Good morning, sleepy head,” he tried to be cheery. She wasn’t buying it though and just sat there, her eyes cast on him. 

“Who was that?” she asked. 

“It’s not important,” he said. “How are you feeling?”

“Mmm. Come back?” she asked, her hand reaching for him. “I’m still really cold and I wouldn’t mind a big warm cowboy in bed with me right now.” Without hesitation, Blake did as she asked, laying on the bed with her. She immediately turned and rested against him.

“Can you please tell me who you were talking to?” she asked, trying again. 

He sighed a bit. “The only reason I didn’t tell you immediately was because I don’t want you to worry about it. I want you to focus on getting better.”

“Blake, with everything I've started to remember...I don’t think there’s much else that could make me worse at this point.”

He hesitated, but decided to give in. “It was LAPD. The hospital had an obligation to call them when you showed signs of remembering and they were trying to get in here to get a statement about what happened. But I turned them away. You’re not ready for that. Hell, you haven’t even been able to talk to _me_ about it yet…”

“Do you want me to talk about it?”

Her attention turned up to him and their eyes locked. But there was something else.

“There’s something else you’re not telling me,” she said quietly. It wasn’t accusatory, and it was written all over his face.

“Are you sure you want to know?”

She nodded. 

“They told me that…that Taylor died, two nights ago.” Her eyebrows raised at the new information, but Blake continued speaking before she could muster any words to respond. “I tried to just…to aim somewhere that was far enough away from Apollo, to aim away from any vital organs, in a split second. I didn’t mean to _kill_ somebody…”

Gwen let out a breath as her heart broke for him. “You had to…if you hadn’t ---.”

“I know I did.”

Her hand moved up to cup his cheek, gently letting her thumb glide across it soothingly as she kept his gaze. 

“I’m so sorry that…” she started, but words failed her. “I know she was someone that was close to your family.”

“Better her than you. If that was the choice, Gwen, it’s not even a question.”

She let her forehead fall against him and she let out a sigh. His arms were still around her, one holding her against him, the other stroking down her arm. 

“Gwen?”

“Mmm?”

“I don’t want to push you or make you worse but…I’ve been dyin’ to know what all of this was even about? I don’t get why it happened.”

“Oh,” she said. He felt her body tense.

“Like I said, you don’t need to get into it now…”

She clung a little tighter to him, and he instantly felt bad for asking. He felt a sudden panic wave wash over him, worried that his curiosity would make her worse.

“Gwen, I don’t want you to think about it,” he said. “You can talk to me when you’re ready.”

She didn’t say anything, but her hand moved up to wick a few of her own tears off of her cheek. It was still so overwhelming, not only thinking about what happened, but knowing that she was dead. 

“Are you sure she’s dead?” she asked, breaking the silence.

“The cops said she is,” he responded, gently stroking her hair back.

“You deserve to know what happened,” she changed the subject abruptly, her face turning to look up at him. Her eyes were stained with tears as she bit her bottom lip. “I’m sorry, I know I’m a lot to handle right now. I don’t mean to be. I just…Blake, I’m still so terrified.” A few more tears fell and she wicked at them quickly, taking a deep breath in and trying to hold herself together.

“Shhh…” he tried to comfort her. “You’re safe with me, I swear. And you can’t get worked up again. The baby needs you to stay calm and try to relax. I don’t want you to do anything that might upset you, and that includes telling me what happened. It actually doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is you in my arms right now.”

He bent forward and placed a soft kiss on her lips, knowing it would likely help calm her down. And he was right.

Their eyes locked contently for a few moments, before they were interrupted.

“Hey, Gwen, let’s take a look at that head wound,” the doctor said, coming in and up to her bedside. Her attention turned and she slowly started to sit up, with Blake’s support behind her. The doctor reached forward, carefully peeling back the bandage. There were a few awkward moments of silence as she examined the wound.

“Blake, how bad is it?” she asked anxiously, squeezing his hand.

“It’s not as bad as you think it is,” he assured her.

“What about my hair?”

“It looks like there’s a little missing,” he said. “But I think it’ll be just fine and cover up with the rest.”

“Gwen, if you want, we can let you take a shower tonight. It’s healing up nicely,” the doctor said finally. “Just try and keep the shampoo off of the area best you can.”

“Oh,” she said, wrinkling her brow.

“Don’t worry. When Todd came back to get Apollo, he brought a bag from Jen with all of your fancy shower stuff in there,” Blake said. “I asked him to bring it just in case.”

“You’re seriously the best husband,” she said. Her gaze turned to the doctor. “Can I shower now?”

“Sure thing,” she said with a nod. “Probably don’t want to stay in there alone, assuming Blake can help you out? Sometimes with brain injuries you can get suddenly dizzy and we don’t want you getting hurt."

Gwen looked back to Blake, hopeful, even though she knew he would definitely help her.

“Come on, sunshine,” was all he said with a smile, gently standing up.

He took his time helping her up off of the bed, keeping his arm around her for support as they began walking towards the bathroom. Once inside, he led her up to the vanity, letting her lean against it, her hands gripping the edges. Blake pecked a quick kiss on her head and went back into the room to retrieve the bag, pulling out the things she would need into the shower. He turned the water on and let it start to heat up.

Gwen offered him a small smile as he made his way over to her, turning her back to him for help with the ties on the back of the gown. Her eyes caught herself in the mirror for the first time since everything had happened; she looked dead, almost. Her hair was disheveled and dirty, and her body wasn’t in much greater condition. She had old mascara and eyeliner visible under her eyes and around the outline. Her lips were chapped and dry. As Blake finished untying, he gently slid the gown down her arms, watching her expression as he did so. Her concerned eyes looked over her fully naked body, and the sight of it was unnerving. 

As the gown fell to the ground, that’s when the reality of everything really seemed to hit her.

The wound across her stomach was the most prominent, of course, with half of it done up in stitches where it was a deeper cut. She had bruises on her arms and shoulders of varying colors and sizes, and red marks along one side of her neck as well as an indentation where the knife was held against her skin. A few small, cosmetic cuts here and there along her body, but mostly out-shadowed considering the extra large bruise on her right hip that extended to her thigh.

She didn’t even have the words, or the reaction to muster up. She just simply stared as her eyes filled with tears, though none were falling just yet.

“Sweetheart,” he said, as his eyes were glued to hers and watching her look herself over, knowing she was delicate. Knowing this could end bad. His hands rested gently against her arms and he felt her hands tense on the vanity as she shut her eyes tight, her head bobbing forward. “Are you alright? Talk to me, baby…”

“I uhm,” she managed. “Doctor was right. Just a little dizzy.”

“Do you want to go lay back down?”

“No. I haven’t felt human in days. I don’t even look human anymore. I need to do this.”

Blake let his hand glide down her back as she kept herself steady, his eyes looking over to the shower next to them. The temperature in the room began to rise as the steam started to stick to the mirror. “Come on, I’m going in with you.”

“What? Blake, you don’t have to…”

“If you need this, I’m going to make it happen. I’m not going to let you go in right now by yourself, I don’t want you to be dizzy in there by yourself, even if I’m right outside.” He quickly slipped his own clothes off, hanging them on a nearby towel rack, before coming back to her.

“It’s not even fair how hot you are naked right now and I look like a zombie,” she said.

“I don’t think you look like a zombie. I think you look like my beautiful wife.”

She wicked a tear off her cheek as her head came up and she turned to him. He came beside her and walked her into the shower, closing the door after both of them stepped in. The hot water pulsated down her body as she stood underneath it, closing her eyes for a moment. Gwen opened her eyes and looked up to him. She tugged him forward a bit, under the water to stand together. Her head rested against his chest, her arms going around his waist. She let out a content sigh as his arms came around her to hold her there.

“Do you want me to shampoo?” he asked after a few minutes.

“If you don’t mind,” she responded. He bent at the waist to the side to pick up the bottle, squeezing some onto his hand before gently working it up into a lather in her hair, careful to avoid her wound. His fingers gently massaged the sides of her head which caused her to let out a soft moan, showing her approval. He rinsed her hair gently, and her arms released him when he bent back over to get the washcloth and body wash. He handed her the washcloth and she held it out to him, letting him squeeze some onto it for her. She rang it out at her shoulder, letting the wash fall over her body.

“Are you still feeling dizzy?” he asked, checking in on her.

“Just a tiny bit. But I’m okay,” she responded. She reached for the body wash and squirted some on Blake, offering him a smile. “Sorry, I know it’s not very manly to smell like vanilla.”

“I don’t mind it. Reminds me of my wife.”

After they both rinsed off, Blake reached out and grabbed them both towels, wrapping Gwen’s around her body before putting his own on himself. He stepped out, helping her out behind him. They both took their time getting dressed, him helping her when she needed it, before going back out to the room.

As soon as Gwen stepped out the door she stopped dead in her tracks, causing Blake to run into her. Her eyes were focused straight forward, her body was tensing, because she simply couldn’t believe what she was seeing sitting in the hospital bed, right in front of her.

“T..T..Taylor?"


	16. Spirit

Her back was pushing into Blake’s stomach as a single tear streamed down her cheek. Blake kept looking from her to the space in front of them, his hands moving to hold her at the shoulders.

“Gwen honey…”

“Blake, she can’t, get her away from us!” she called out as her breath hitched in the back of her throat, scrambling and fighting against him and trying to move them away. 

“Gwen, Gwen…. _Gwen_ ,” Blake said, the third time more persistently, which caught her eyes. She was shaky and jumpy and scrambling to move them back. “Where do you see her?”

“Blake?! She’s sitting on the bed!” she raised her voice, dumbfounded and confused that he didn’t see what was right in front of them. 

“Show me where she is,” Blake said softly. Gwen whipped her head back around and let out an exasperated sigh and a gasp, not seeing anything on the bed anymore. Her head jerked to look around the room, feeling just sure that she had to be there somewhere. But she came up empty. 

“I swear to god she was sitting right there,” she said weakly, not understanding. 

“Is everything okay in here?” Melissa came in, looking between the two of them. 

Blake looked over at Gwen, who was looking between him and the nurse. She slowly gave a nod to Melissa, a little defeated, as her hand went to her forehead. 

“I think you might be a little tired?” Blake offered gently. “How about we lay you back down to rest.”

“I’m not crazy,” was all she whispered. She felt his hand on her back, encouraging her forward.

“No, you’re not,” Blake affirmed. He reached forward and pulled back the fresh bedsheets they must have switched out while they were in the shower, and helping her climb in. He looked back to the nurse. “Perhaps the doc can come check her out, just in case?”

“Of course,” Melissa said, scurrying off. Blake took a seat on the edge of the bed, his hand reaching out to stroke her cheek. He offered her a small, warm smile as he kept his attention on her. A few minutes later, the doctor stepped in. 

“How are we doing in here?” she asked, coming on the opposite side of the bed from Blake. Gwen looked to Blake, a little embarrassed. 

“I think…” he began, not sure how to word it as he looked quickly to her. “I think she just had a hallucination.”

“Alright, let’s see here,” the doctor responded, bringing out a small light. “Just look straight forward, okay?” Gwen did as she said, and the doc flashed the light a few times, and then followed the instrument as the doctor moved it around in front of her. Soon, she tucked it away. 

“Everything looks just fine,” she assured her. “Hallucinations can be a side effect of trauma, especially with a brain injury.”

“So I am crazy,” she conceded quietly. 

“No, you’re not. Your brain is a little scrambled but its healing,” Blake corrected her. 

“He said it,” the doctor said with a nod, agreeing. 

“Is she really dead?” she whispered again, her eyes fixated in her lap.

“I promise, she is, sweetheart,” Blake replied softly. He watched Gwen’s hands move to rest on her stomach, letting out a sigh as she closed her eyes. He felt it was safe to try and change the subject, for her sake. “That baby is so lucky to have you as a mom, Gwen. Just like Apollo is lucky that he belongs to you.”

“I’ve made so many mistakes with Apollo,” she said quietly. 

“Babe, nobody is perfect. And you would give up your life for that little boy. I don’t want you to ever think that you’re not good enough.”

“You’re going to be such an amazing dad,” she said suddenly. “I mean, you already are, but you get to make this child feel so loved from the very beginning. The way you make me feel loved all the time. And that’s pretty special.”

He leaned forward, pressing his lips against hers. He was about to pull back, but felt her hand move up to cup his cheek, deepening the kiss. 

All was well.

————

Hours turned to days, and days turned to weeks. At first Gwen was restless, fidgety, so anxious to get out of that hospital but once she accepted it, recovery went much smoother. Due to the complications and her pregnancy, they ended up keeping her just under four weeks total to make sure everything was truly alright with both of them. Blake certainly kept his promise of keeping her in there as long as he could, he wasn’t willing to risk taking her home too early. 

It had been a bumpy first two weeks in the hospital, but after that it seemed much easier. Blake had her up and walking around a few times a day by then, and she was getting her strength back. She wasn’t as nauseous, and it was easier for her to gain the weight she needed for the baby. Her vision wasn’t getting as blurry the more time wore on, and she was even able to dabble around with her sketchpads for some new designs during those long, eventless days. One thing remained the same, though - Blake never left her side. 

The day slated for her probable release soon approached. She was right at the start of her second trimester, and overall she was feeling better on both fronts of injury and pregnancy. Her belly had gotten bigger, transformed into a noticeable, prominent baby bump. The doctor spent the morning and afternoon doing various tests, and somewhere around 5pm, the doctor came in to an anxious Gwen waiting to hear the results. As the doctor came in the door, Gwen’s hand squeezed Blake’s as they awaited the news.

“Miss Stefani, we’re going to go ahead and get you out of here today,” she began. Hearing the news, a smile came across her face as she looked to Blake, squeezing his hand tighter. “We went through and did all of the tests and you are good to go. We also got the results back from the prenatal testing we did last week. The baby looks great, no damage, no risk of birth defects or anything else that we can test for at this stage.”

A few happy tears fell down her cheeks as she inhaled, feeling so relieved.

“Blake…” was all she could manage to say. He immediately pulled her against his chest in a hug.

“I know, baby, I know…I’m so relieved,” he breathed against her hair.

“I just, I thought there might have been something wrong and…”

“You’ve been through a lot. But you fought so hard and I’m so proud of you.”

The doctor gave them a moment, before continuing. “The prenatal testing also indicated the baby’s gender, if you are interested in knowing?”

Gwen’s eyes went wide with surprise. “That’s so early!”

“We can tell by certain markers in the blood sample we took,” the doctor explained. “You don’t need to wait for the mid-pregnancy ultrasound if you want to know now.”

“Blake??” she said expectantly, her attention turning to him. “Do you want..?”

“I uh..” he managed to stutter out. “Oh my god, uh, yes? Or no? I don’t know, it depends on if you want…”

The doctor interrupted them both. “You don’t have to make a sudden decision,” she said. She handed Gwen a sealed envelope. “The information is in there.” Gwen’s fingers grazed over the envelope in her hands and let out a content sigh, before her attention turned back to the doctor. “Mr. Shelton, if I could just get you to come sign a few release papers at the desk, we’ll have you out of here within the hour.”

She felt him lean over and peck a kiss on her cheek before he let go of her hand, following the doctor outside. Before she knew it, Melissa was bringing in the wheelchair and Blake was coming back after signing the release papers. She felt a surge of excited adrenaline run through her body as her wheelchair rolled down the hall, towards the exit. Blake pulled his truck around, helping her up into the car before loading all of her belongings into the back. 

“We’re going to pick up Apollo in the morning,” Blake explained, as he moved the car into drive. A few waves and thanks called out to the hospital staff, before they were on the road. “Just thought maybe you could use a night to take it easy.”

“Okay,” she said softly, her head leaning against the glass as her gaze stared out the window. The sun was setting off in the distance and she just kept focused on it. 

“Are you hungry?” he asked her a few minutes later. “Do you want to stop for food anywhere?"

“Not really.”

The truck pulled up to a stoplight, and her gaze and thoughts were interrupted as she felt him take her hand, planting a kiss on it. Her head turned as her eyes locked with his. 

“Will you tell me if you’re not okay?”

She was silent for a few moments before she nodded. “Yes.”

His eyes went back to the road after offering her a small smile. He kept hold of her hand. 

Soon the truck pulled into their neighborhood, and it was an off feeling that hit her suddenly. The comfort level she had felt previously just wasn’t there anymore. She pursed her lips together tightly as her eyes fell on their home, the truck pulling down the long driveway. A minute later the truck was parked, and Blake was climbing out of the driver’s seat. The door shut behind him. She heard the passenger door behind her open, but she was deadly focused and staring at the house and not moving. 

Blake noticed this and stopped unloading the car, his eyes watching her for a few moments. He came around to her door and pulled it open, her eyes coming to him as soon as he did. 

“You alright?” he asked, treading carefully. 

“Fine,” she said in almost a whisper, with a swift nod. 

He moved forward and let his arms close around her, kissing the top of her head. She let out a breath, and her body seemed to relax a bit.

“I can unload all of this later. Let’s get you in and settled.”

He helped her stand up out of the truck, and she took a few steps forward out of his arms, towards the front door. Once she reached it, she stopped mere inches from it, knowing she didn’t have the key. She had an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach as she swallowed hard, sensing Blake coming up next to her and watching his key open the door. It swung open slowly. She took two, three steps inside and then stopped.

Gwen looked around. Everything seemed to be in place, where it was supposed to be. It didn’t look like anyone had lived there for a bit with everything being so tidy. Apollo’s toys were all contained, none strewn about like they normally would be. And it didn’t feel right. Her eyes locked on the staircase leading to the upstairs bedrooms and the thoughts and memories came flooding back, making her stomach feel sick again. It didn’t help that a moment later, her gaze fell on her phone broken into pieces on the kitchen island. Her hand snapped back and grabbed Blake’s wrist, hard.

“Get me out of here. I can’t be here. I can’t be here,” she said, with a shake of her head as she bolted back for the door.

“Hey, Gwen, baby…” Blake stumbled, confused, catching up to her. His hands delicately went to her shoulders, but with just enough force to get her to stop and turn to face him. Her breath hitched as soon as she did, tears welling in her eyes. 

“Blake I can’t go in there,” she said in a panic, shaking her head. “Don’t make me go in there. I can’t go in there. I need to get out of here.”

“Nobody is going to hurt you, sweetheart…”

She backed away from him, stepping outside onto the porch. She took the steps down off of the porch to stand back in the gravel driveway. He followed her in stride, staying a few feet back from her, unsure. 

“Gwen, _breathe_ …”

He decided to brave it, taking the few steps left between them to close the distance. She let out a deep breath and let him take her into a gentle hug.

“I don’t feel safe here anymore,” she said softly, her arms tightening around him. “I’m so sorry, I feel so terrible…”

“Shh…” was all he said in response, his eyes looking back to their home. Silence fell between them for a few moments as Blake was trying to figure out what he could do. “Where will you feel safe tonight?”

“Not here,” was all she said.

He thought for a moment. “Hotel?”

“You don’t have to pay for a hotel,” she shook her head. 

“You’re not sleepin’ in the truck, darlin’,” he said. 

“Four weeks in the hospital is already going to be super expensive.”

“Four weeks in the hospital that I have _plenty_ of money to cover the bills,” he corrected her. “And not something to concern yourself with. Come on. We’re getting a hotel, at least for tonight. Because I need you to rest. Understand?”

She would have protested if she had more strength. She would have protested if she hadn’t heard that tone in his voice that was determined to get his way. But with the first absent and the latter present, she gave in. 

They both climbed back into the truck after Blake went to lock the front door and shut the lights off. He drove off, out of their neighborhood and back to the highway. He didn’t know where he was going, but an idea struck him in the middle of the drive, pulling off to the exit to head towards Beverly Hills. They soon pulled up to valet at the Four Seasons not too long after.

He got them out of the car, checked in to a room, with the bellhop following with their luggage right behind them. Her body leaned against him gently on the elevator ride up, his hand stroking against the small of her back. Once they keyed into the room, Gwen took a seat on the large king sized bed and leaned back on one of her hands, her other coming to rest against her stomach. 

Blake supervised the bellhop with unloading their things in the front foyer, tipping him, then moving into the bedroom. His eyes caught sight of Gwen, seemingly in discomfort.

“Baby okay?” he asked, coming over to sit next to her.

“Yeah, mom just got a little tired,” she said with a yawn, her head leaning against his shoulder. 

“I think you need some happy news,” he mused. 

“Oh?” she asked. “Like what?” Her attention turned up to him questioningly. 

“What do you think about opening that envelope?”

Her eyes widened. “You really want to?” A smile came to her face.

“I think it will make you happy, either way it turns out.”

“It’s in my purse. Side pocket.”

He kissed her forehead before moving towards their stacks of belongings, Gwen’s purse being on top. He opened the side pocket and brought the envelope over to her. She turned it over, staring at the seal. 

“I can’t believe we’re about to find out,” she said with a burst of sudden enthusiasm. Her gaze turned to him. “You’re sure?”

“Rip it on open, babe,” he said, encouraging her. 

A moment later, she tore the top of the envelope. She pulled out a folded up piece of paper but stopped, handing it to Blake.

“I want you to open it,” she decided last minute. Her arms came around one of his, her cheek leaning against his bicep. Her eyes were glued to the paper, waiting for the reveal. 

“Three…” he began.

“Two…” she chimed in.

“One!” they said in unison, as Blake opened the envelope. Gwen gasped immediately and Blake was at a loss for words. 

“ _Georgia_ ,” she whispered, a grin coming to her face. “Blake, it’s a girl! Oh my god.”

His arms went around her and pulled her into a hug, still at a loss for words at the moment. 

“She…” Blake began, shaking his head once. “Apollo and I aren’t going to let her date until she’s thirty.”

Gwen started laughing. “ _That_ was your first thought, cowboy?” She laughed again. “Don’t you think there’s a lot we have to get to before then?”

“Gwen, I used to be a young boy! I know what the only thing on their mind is!”

She just kept laughing. She let her back fall against the mattress as she giggled, her gaze resting on the ceiling. Blake took a moment and then laid back next to her, tapping her nose.

“There you are,” he said, as they both locked eyes again. He offered her a small smile. She moved forward and kissed his lips softly. 

“You always bring me back, cowboy."


	17. The Road Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just a warning, even though it's already middle of September and I guess this is a little late of a warning, this month and next are going to be crazy. I'm going to be everywhere from DC to LA and I have a ton of shows lined up along with that travel, parties, appointments, and of course a heavy load at work trying to get shit done so I can take my time off. I don't take my laptop with me when I travel (most weekends coming up as well as two solid weeks in LA/Vegas in October), and I'm not saying I'm not going to be home at all these next two months, but, updates might not be so often. 
> 
> <3

Gwen was laying on her side, faced away from him. After she finally agreed to try to sleep, it was a hell of a night in store for her after that. Tossing and turning, trying to get herself comfortable, feeling bad that Blake was having to deal with her fidgeting. Normally his arm secured around her would be just the thing that would calm her, but everything went out the door now that she was pregnant and uncomfortable all the time. 

The late morning light spilled into the room from the large bay window of their hotel room, the subtle sounds of the air conditioner humming in the background. Blake was awake, laying in bed and dozing in and out, his eyes rested and watching Gwen. She shifted in her sleep and a nearly silent groan escaped her lips. Her back stretched out a bit and a moment later it relaxed, leaving Gwen to let out a sigh contemporaneously. 

His hand moved forward, closing the small distance between them as he gently stroked down her bare back, letting his fingers dig just a bit deeper when he came to her lower back, knowing that was what had kept her up most of the night.

“Mmmm…” she moaned softly, once she felt him there. 

He leaned over and kissed the back of her head, not stopping. “How are my girls this morning?”

A smile slowly appeared in the corners of her lips. She gently rolled onto her back, turning into him a bit as his arm came fully around her. Gwen opened her eyes and her hand rested on his cheek, one tug, and he leaned down towards her and let her kiss him. He kissed back a moment later, deepening the kiss, breaking it off and just letting her lay against him.

“ _Your girls_ are feeling loved and safe with you this morning,” she responded softly, her breath warm against his neck. 

“Good,” he said, then raised his eyebrow. “What happened to your nightshirt?”

She giggled a little. “It got hot in the middle of the night, I took if off.”

“No complaints here, baby,” he said lowly, which made her laugh a little again. 

They stayed silent for a few minutes, before Gwen spoke up again.

“I’ve lost all sense of time,” she said, wrinkling her nose a bit. “Is that weird?”

“What do you mean?”

“I just feel like I was put through this weird time warp being in that hospital for so long,” she tried explaining. “I don’t even know what day of the week it is.”

“Thursday,” he responded. “You’ve been through a lot. You’ll feel like yourself again soon.”

“Yeah,” she quietly responded, though hesitantly. She felt his other hand move to lay gently across her stomach, careful to avoid her scar. His fingers traced light circles against her skin. 

“Gwen?” he said suddenly, breaking the silence. His fingers continued to trace along her skin as he awaited her response. She turned her head slightly for their eyes to meet. “You know that…you’re going to have to go back in the house, right?”

“Yes,” she replied softly, her eyes casting down for a few minutes. She seemed to be struggling to say something, put the words together, something…he patiently let her take that time before she spoke again. “Umm…”

“…it’s just that, you know, our entire lives are in that house. I feel like you might feel better being home again. Sleeping in our bed. The three of us watching movies with popcorn in our living room…” he couldn’t help himself as he interjected, trying to fill the air where he felt she was having trouble. “We can put the house on the market. We can move. Actually, I think that’s a really good idea, but in the meantime…”

“I know,” she said with a swift nod. “I just couldn’t last night.”

“I don’t want to push or pressure you…”

“You’re not,” she said, letting out a breath. “Maybe daytime would be better to try again.”

“Listen,” he said, just before placing a kiss on her forehead. “There is nothing more important to me than you and the baby right now. I’m not going to let you get worse. If we need to stay here longer, we can. But I just thought maybe the idea of being back home and in your own bed could help on its own…”

“It does sound nice.”

He leaned forward and kissed her again, slowly. Her arms moved up around his neck as she kissed him back, letting out a sigh as their lips broke apart.

“I’m going to hire security to watch the house,” he announced. “I think it will give you peace of mind.”

“Blake, no, I don’t want security,” she shot down immediately. 

“Gwen, it’s not as expensive as you’re thinkin’ it is,” Blake countered. 

“It’s not the money,” she shook her head. 

“Then I really don’t understand."

“I just don’t want security, Blake. What’s the difference on the reason why?”

“Because I don’t understand,” he stressed. “You’re saying it’s not because of the money, but what else could it be, Gwen? I don’t understand why having a few security guys around would hurt.”

“Because I was just attacked by the last person that worked for you!”

Her sudden raised voice shocked them both, and the room fell silent. Gwen felt sick to her stomach, realizing what she had done.

“I’m sorry, oh my god, I didn’t mean…” she shook her head as a few tears fell down her cheeks. “Blake…”

He was just looking at her, stunned. “I mean, you’re right.”

“It’s not your fault,” she said adamantly. “Blake, that wasn’t what I was saying…”

“S’okay,” he responded. Silence fell for a few minutes, before he continued. “I think that was the first time you’ve been able to say what happened. At least plainly. Sorry I pushed.”

“I understand _why_ you think security is a good idea…”

“You’re not ready for something like that. I get it. You don’t have to explain.”

“ _Blake_ …” she said persistently. His eyes met hers. “I don’t blame you for any of this. I never have. I’m so sorry, I just felt overwhelmed and I snapped and I shouldn’t have.” She paused, realizing how much this was hurting him too, perhaps for the first time. “I know you went through this, too.”

“I’m not worried about me,” he interjected. 

“…I know you’re not. But I’m just saying, you’ve gone through this too, and I see that. We’ve both been scared, we’ve both been freaked out, we’ve both been just trying to help. We’ve been worried, we’ve been forced to try and stay calm.” Her hands went to his cheeks to hold them before she continued. “You _lost_ someone that you cared about. I’m not going to sit here and pretend I’m not happy she’s gone, but I know that you lost someone. And you had to keep yourself together for everyone else because we couldn’t help ourselves. And that is just…god, Blake. You have no idea.”

He moved forward and took her into his arms, holding her tightly against him.

“I worry about you, too,” she whispered against his ear, her arms tightening around him.

“I just thought…”

“I know what you were thinking. I know you’re just trying to help. I just…I’m scared, Blake. I know you can’t stay with me 24/7 forever. I have no idea what I’m going to do with Apollo and childcare. I can’t even fathom letting someone else take care of him right now. Then there’s work. And being pregnant, and finding a new house. Trying to be okay after this. It’s a lot.”

“You’re the strongest woman I know,” he assured her. “We’re going to get through all of that together. Understand?”

She pulled back a little to meet his eyes again. “I love you so much, Blake. You have no idea.”

He kissed the top of her nose. “I’ve got a pretty good idea,” he said with a small grin. “You’re my world, Gwen.”

She let out another breath and offered him a small smile.

“How about…we get up and ready, grab some breakfast, and go pick up Apollo?” Blake suggested next.

“Yes please, I miss him like crazy,” she agreed.

“I do, too."

——

After getting up and dressed and grabbing a quick breakfast, they hit the road towards Todd and Jenn’s home. Gwen was relaxing back against the front seat, her hand holding onto Blake’s as her gaze stayed outside the window. She closed her eyes a few times, relishing in the sunlight. It made her feel alive in a different way after all this time holed up in the hospital. It wasn’t too far of a drive before Blake turned into their neighborhood. As they pulled up, she saw Todd with Apollo in his arms and his little bag coming out the front door to greet them. Gwen’s face lit up in a grin as she sat up a bit and rolled down the window.

“Baby!” she squealed, pushing the car door open and opening her arms to Apollo. She took him from Todd and hugged him tightly. “Mommy missed you so much, bubs.”

“Whoa sis, that bump is growing fast,” Todd commented.

“Well it’s that time,” she replied.

“Blake, where do you want this?” Todd asked, gesturing to Apollo’s things.

“Bring it ‘round here,” Blake responded, and Todd walked around the truck to the other side. He glanced back at Gwen as he handed the bag over to him.

“She looks good. Better than I thought she’d be,” he commented lowly, trying to keep out of earshot. Gwen seemed very focused on Apollo, which is what allowed them to have their little side conversation. 

“She’s not a hundred percent. But we’re working on it,” Blake responded.

“Has she told you what happened yet?” 

Blake shook his head. 

“If you guys are going to talk about me, could you at least do it through text and not literally right behind my back?” she asked suddenly, surprising them both. Blake lifted the bag into the back seat, and both him and Todd walked around to where she was again. 

“Lighten up, sis. I’m just worried about you. I was just telling Blake that you look good.”

Gwen’s hands went under Apollo’s arms and lifted him a bit, handing him up to Blake. “Maybe for someone who has been trapped in a hospital for a few weeks,” she mumbled. 

Blake moved to the back seat with Apollo, buckling him into his car seat. He ruffled his hair a bit before securing the door behind him.

“Sorry. I’m still a little out of it,” Gwen said a moment later, standing from the car. She put her arms around her brother and hugged him tightly, not letting go. “Thank you for taking care of Apollo when we couldn’t. It means the world to us and I can’t thank you enough.”

“You would do the same for Stella and Leo. And we’re still here if you need us, okay?”

“Yeah, we would, and we know,” she nodded, letting go of him and offering him a small, grateful smile. She climbed back up into the truck and buckled up, Todd shutting the door behind her. She looked over to Blake. 

“Are we going home?” she asked, a bit of anxiety peaked in her voice. 

He took her hand and squeezed it. “If you’re sure,” he responded. She nodded. 

Blake pulled out of the driveway and hit the road once more. She kept hold of his hand, which was helping keep her nerves controlled. Sooner than she would have liked, they were taking the exit for their neighborhood. 

“How about I cook us some lunch when we get home?” he offered, trying to distract her some.

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

“What are you in the mood for?”

She thought for a minute. “How about veggie chili?”

Blake turned the truck down their street.

“Only if you guys help,” he said, squeezing her hand. She nodded.

The truck was stopped, and Gwen was staring at the front door. They had done this routine less than a day before, but at the same time it felt like it had been forever. Blake kissed the top of her hand before letting it go, coming around the truck to open Apollo’s door. He pulled the toddler out and into his arms, reached across the seat and grabbed his bag, then came up to the passenger door. He opened the door, but Gwen was still sitting and buckled up. Blake shifted the bag into his other hand, the same arm that had Apollo up on his hip.

“You okay?” he asked her, which seemed to bring her out of her sudden daydream. Gwen nodded and reached over, unbuckling herself. She hopped out of the truck and his arm went around her, the three of them headed towards the front door. He inserted his key, opening the door. They stepped through. The door shut behind them. And she seemed to be okay.

Blake dropped the bag off next to the door, and sat Apollo down to stand.

“Yaaaay!” Apollo said excitedly, sprinting off immediately down the hall and towards the family room to find his toys.

Gwen let out a small gasp and she took a step forward. Her arm moved out almost as if she was trying to catch him, to stop him from going into the house, but she caught herself. She stood there awkwardly for a moment with her arm outstretched, not sure what to do. She told Blake she would be fine, and she needed to be fine. 

He came up beside her and lowered her arm, pulling her into a side hug.

“You don’t have to pretend to be a hundred percent fine, Gwen. You can talk to me.”

“It’s just spooky, being here,” she replied. “I’m glad Apollo doesn’t seem to have that problem, though. I was worried about him.”

“This is his home,” Blake replied. “He’s still really young, I’m hoping he doesn’t remember most of it, or maybe that he didn’t realize what was going on that he can just forget.”

“Will you go upstairs with me?” she asked softly. “I just…I want to look.”

“Of course,” Blake said, and without hesitation, he took her hand and led the way. They climbed the stairs together slowly, Gwen pausing at the top as her eyes fell on the double doors to the master suite. Her hand reached forward and turned the knob, and she took a few steps into their bedroom.

The bed was fully made up, not one thing out of place. Clothes were stacked and folded neatly next to the closet and the nightstands and dressers were dusted down. 

“You had someone come to clean,” she said. 

“I thought it would be nice to come home to a clean house,” he responded. 

She nodded, and turned to step out of their bedroom. Her eyes caught on Apollo’s room down the hall - the door was closed. Her feet took her a few steps forward and she noticed everything back in its place in the hallway, including the vase and other knick knacks she remembered knocked over. She found herself standing in front of Apollo’s door, but too afraid to turn the knob.

His hands rested on her shoulders. “Jen redid Apollo’s room,” Blake explained. “Everything should be ready, and there’s nothing behind this door that is going to hurt you.”

She turned the knob finally and pushed it open.

It was exactly as Blake had said - completely different. Her eyes scanned the clean carpets and over the new furniture Jen had brought in. Even the walls were painted a different color. Despite all of the differences, she still felt a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach. 

“It’s cowboy themed,” she observed. “She did a really great job.”

Gwen tensed and almost jumped as the air conditioning kicked on, her eyes immediately moving to look out the doorway. 

Blake obviously took notice. “Gwen, if this is too much too soon…”

She shook her head. “I’m fine. I was just startled. Let’s go back downstairs.” She reached and took his hand, walking out of the room and closing the door behind them. They descended the stairs, and walked towards the living room to check on Apollo. 

“Chili will take an hour or two, we should probably start on it now,” Blake suggested. 

“Pollo, do you want to come help Blakey cook with me?” Gwen asked the toddler. He nodded and grinned, jumping up from his car mat to run over to them.

They prepared and cooked the chili, and it wasn’t long before Blake was dishing up a few bowls with extra cheese on the top for them. By the time it was done, it was more of an early dinner, and they spent the rest of the day together as a family in the family room. Apollo’s cartoons were on in the background and the three of them on the floor, playing various games. Apollo seemed to be losing his energy fast after a few hours, he was yawning every few minutes. 

“Looks like bed time for baby boy,” Gwen said, ruffling his hair a bit. Apollo leaned against her and her arm came around him to hold. 

“Rest for you might not be a terrible idea either,” Blake said. “You’ve had a long few days.”

“And yet at the same time, I’ve hardly done anything, really.” Her eyes caught onto his and it looked like he was going to say something else, but she spoke up instead. “I know, I know. Stressed and pregnant. I’m not putting up a fight. My favorite place is cuddled up to you in our bed."

Blake offered her a smile and stood up, taking a step towards her. He bent down and picked Apollo up off of her, holding his other hand down to help her stand up. They walked back up the stairs, Gwen suddenly stopping at the top. Blake flashed her a concerned look, but she just shook her head.

“Can he sleep with us tonight? I’m not ready to put him in that room,” she said. 

“Of course he can,” Blake said, pushing their bedroom door open. He sat Apollo down on the bed and went over to the folded laundry next to the closet, finding one of his pajama sets. He sleepily let Blake change him as Gwen took a seat on her side of the bed, watching them. It brought a smile to her face.

Gwen moved to lay down in the middle of the king sized bed, Blake not too far behind. Apollo crawled over to rest on the other side of Gwen once Blake was done. She turned slightly and spooned herself back up against Blake, as she stroked Apollo’s curls out of his face gently, watching him drift to sleep. 

There was literally nowhere else in the world she would have rather been, sandwiched between the two boys in her life.


	18. Shudder

She was falling in and out of consciousness. One moment she felt like she was asleep, and the next she felt like she was awake but in a sleeping body. It was like her eyes were closed and she couldn’t open them, or move. She felt sick in the pit of her stomach as she felt the sensation of falling, which jolted her awake, ending the battle between the two sides. 

Her arms stretched forward, almost in a panic. Her eyes widened open an she jolted to sit up, her head jerking around, looking around and patting against the duvet, coming up empty. Next she was shaking Blake awake in a panicked frenzy.

“Apollo’s gone. APOLLO IS GONE!” she yelled suddenly, her hands on his arms still shaking him to sit up. It only took half a second for Blake’s body to shoot up into a sitting position, reaching over quickly to turn the lamp on. He broke away from her jolts and turned the tables, his hands grabbing her shoulders firmly.

“Gwen Gwen Gwen, breathe, he’s fine, he’s fine,” he said adamantly. She caught her breath in her throat and just looked at him, questioning and confused. “He woke up a few hours ago and wanted his teddy. We went to his room and he wanted me to read him some books. He fell asleep in his bed. He’s in his bed. He’s okay.”

She was only halfway through processing what he was saying before she jerked away from him and shot up off the bed, practically flying towards the bedroom door. Her steps were hurried down the short hallway and her hand grabbed the door knob, turning and pushing into the toddler’s room. Apollo was curled up in his toddler bed in the corner of the room with his teddy, just as Blake said. 

Gwen was getting that feeling in the pit of her stomach again and she turned, taking hurried steps out of Apollo’s room and towards the bathroom. Blake had followed her out but kept his distance, her body almost crashing into his as she went past him again. A few moments later and she was back inside the master bathroom on her knees, hovering over the toilet, heaving.

It was only a few moments that passed before she felt Blake’s fingers stroking gently against the side of her head, pulling her hair back out of her face. 

“He’s okay,” Blake reminded her softly, his hand gently rubbing her back. “I’m sorry, baby.”

A few minutes passed and her gag reflex seemed to subside, and she sat back on her bent legs. She took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, her eyes scanning and finally looking up to Blake. 

“I just got scared,” she explained calmly. “I had this recurring nightmare when I was still in the hospital that she came back for him, and I never saw him again.”

“Taylor is gone, sweetheart,” he said, delicately. 

“I know she is,” she responded. “But sometimes it just doesn’t feel like it. Sometimes I feel like she’s just hiding somewhere and she’s going to come back. And I know that doesn’t make any sense, but sometimes its all I think about.”

“You know what you should do instead?” he asked. Her interest piqued, and she looked over at him. “Think about our little girl that’s gonna be the luckiest in the world with you as a mom. Think about Apollo being a big brother to her. Think about gymnastics, ballet classes, ponies, all that girly stuff you get to sign her up for.” He chuckled a little, and the idea in turn brought a small smile to her face.

“She’s going to have the best clothes,” Gwen said in almost a whisper, which caused Blake to chuckle a bit again.

“Uh huh. What else?”

“Pink. Pink and glitter _everywhere_.”

“I figured as much.”

“We still have to tell Apollo about the baby,” Gwen said. “What is he going to do?”

“There’s no tellin’ on that one.” He paused, letting the silence fall between them. “Is that better?”

Gwen’s hands rested on her stomach. “Yeah. Thinking about her helps a lot.”

He kissed the top of her head gently. “Come on. Let’s go back to bed.” A moment later he stood up, helping Gwen up right behind him. She stood slowly, her hand grasping tightly onto his arm.

“Do you want me to go get and bring Apollo back with us?”

“Can you move him in his sleep?” she asked first, without thinking. She was walking back towards their room. “I mean, I don’t want you to wake him up. That’s selfish. You shouldn’t do that.”

“Are you sure?”

She nodded swiftly, walking over and crawling back into their bed. She moved to her side, Blake taking a seat next to her instead of laying down. He seemed to be hesitating, holding something back. 

“Babe?” she said, her eyes focused on his back towards her as she propped herself up a bit. Blake’s head turned to the side to look back to her, and she reached her hand forward to tug at him. He let her pull him gently down, and he laid on his back and stared up at the ceiling, giving her a small smile.

“You went somewhere there,” she said, looking down over him, as she was still propped up. Instead, his arms snaked around her body and pulled her to lay against his chest. 

“I just love you,” he said, even though his mind really had wandered off. His mind was on his guilt over the situation. 

“I love you too,” she said, cuddling up to him a bit. “But are you sure that…”

“…Everything is fine, Gwen. My family is safe, and that’s all I care about.”

There was something in the pit of her stomach that made her feel like that wasn’t the whole story, but she didn’t want to upset him. He seemed somewhat content with his arms protectively around her, and she didn’t want to spoil that. She felt him shift, he was reaching for the lamp on the nightstand and flicked the off switch, letting the room envelop into darkness.

——

She knew this day was coming; but she by no means felt ready for it. 

The nerves and anxiety she felt were rising in her body. She was fidgety and distracted. Blake had not left her side for a week after they came home from the hospital, not only being there to calm her nerves, but also to make sure she and the baby got anything they could possibly want. But she knew that the real world would come calling soon enough, and Blake would have to eventually leave her to get things done with his work.

It wasn’t even going to be a full day, she knew that, but just the thought of him being gone half the day was still overwhelming to her. She kept it mostly contained, as she believed in saving face with him. She couldn’t be a wreck anymore, she was forcing herself to try to get over it and mask her own pain at this point. Blake had been though so much and the last thing she wanted to see was him still worrying himself up over her. Especially not when Apollo was in the picture, and she had to focus on the pregnancy and keeping her stress down. One more crazy person on his plate would have just been too much.

So she was silent. 

Her hands gently cupped the warm mug of tea as she leaned against the kitchen island, watching Blake pour a travel mug of coffee. Apollo was sat with his toys in the living room adjacent to them, in his own world, of course. Blake’s eyes were looking back and forth between his caffeine and his wife. 

“Y’know, Gwen, if you’re not ready for me to leave…I don’t have to. I can push these things off.”

“You’ve already pushed so much off, Blake. You’re going to have to leave eventually. What’s the difference if its now or a week from now?”

He sighed, screwing the lid on top of the mug. His body turned to face her. 

“I don’t want you to take this…” he started, then shook his head. 

“What?” she asked, her back straightening.

“You’re not fully back to yourself,” he forced out. “And honey, that’s fine. Nobody is expecting you to be, but…”

“…can you just stop? Please?”

“Stop what?”

“Stop trying to tell me I have a problem when I’m standing here and telling you to go to work,” she said calmly, even though she felt anything but. 

“I’m just worried about you.”

“I know.”

“…and the baby…”

“…I _know_ ,” she really emphasized. 

He sighed. “Okay.” He moved around the island and walked towards her, setting the cup to the side. His hands rested on the small of her back and she came in closer to him, his eyes intent on her. “I want you to promise…. _promise_ me, that if you need me, you’re going to call me, and I will come home.”

She rested her chin on his chest, and her eyes cast down.

“Gwen…”

“Fine, I promise.”

“Look me in the eye and say that, please.”

She rolled her eyes, but ultimately obliged. “I will call you if I need you,” she said, straight up.

His hands travelled up her back and closed her into a hug, and he bent forward to kiss her deeply.

“You going to try and get some work done?” he asked.

“Yeah. I’m going to try and see what happens. Not sure how much inspiration will come. But it’ll keep me busy.”

“Okay,” he said. “I love you. I’ll be home just after lunchtime.”

“Love you.”

Their lips met once more before he gently let go of his grip on her, and walked over to Apollo. He bent down and the toddler gave him a hug goodbye, and Blake whispered something in his ear about taking care of his mom.

Gwen’s eyes watched Blake walk through the foyer, then out the front door. He shut the door behind him, and the lock turned to secure. She let out a breath, realizing she was alone.

She shook her head, and moved to the living room where Apollo was. She felt like dragging her sketch pad to bed to try and work instead of sitting upright in her office. 

“Come on, baby boy,” she said softly, collecting a few of his toys and taking his hand. “We’re going to set you up with the TV in momma’s room.”

They ascended the stairs and walked into the master bedroom. Gwen turned the TV on to one of Apollo’s favorite shows and sat him up with his toys, and reached to grab one of her sketchpads from the side table and a pencil. She curled up against the mounds of pillows and blankets, getting comfortable, as the pencil began to brush strokes against the page. She wasn’t quite sure what she was doing, where she was going, but she just let it take her wherever. She yawned a bit, feeling the tired daze as a result from the night before and not getting enough sleep. It was a common thing for her when she was pregnant and something she was getting used to all over again.

The next thing she knew, she was jolting awake to the sound of something falling from downstairs. She sat straight up, the sketchpad and pencil flying out to the side as she felt the panic in her body take over. She looked down to Apollo sitting in front of the bed, still mesmerized by the TV show that was on. She quietly, slowly got up, tiptoeing towards the door. She opened it slowly, peering outside.

Not seeing anything, she opened it enough for her to move through, which she did. She stood on the top of the stairs and looked down, not seeing anything. It was silent. 

Her eyes caught on the long hall closet, then turned back into the master bedroom at Apollo. She moved back into the room, scooping up Blake's iPad and earbuds from the nightstand and reaching down to take Apollo’s hand to help him stand up. They walked into the hallway in silence and Gwen opened the oversized closet. A few swipes and she started one of his shows on the iPad and put the earbuds into his ears, sitting the toddler down inside of the closet. 

She went back to the master bedroom looking around, grabbing her sketchpad and pencil, and looking for a phone. Her heart sank, realizing it was downstairs. She moved out of the room once more, going out into the hall and taking a seat next to Apollo in the closet. She closed the doors behind them, and sat in paralyzed fear that someone might have been in the house. 

Her stance didn’t change for hours. Apollo was fine, oblivious really as he was kept entertained by his cartoons. Gwen’s eyes were glued staring straight out of the small crack that would allow her to see just a little bit, and even though she didn’t see anything, she still couldn’t bring herself to move.

“Momma,” Apollo said, tugging at her after pulling one of the earbuds out.

“Shh…” she said quietly, looking down to the iPad that he was handing her. She clicked to the next episode after realizing what he was asking for. 

She heard the rattling and squeak of the front door come open, the familiar sound of Blake’s keys jingling as he tossed them onto the table by the door.

“Gwen? Pollo?” that familiar country voice came, and she was overwhelmed with emotion. She felt the tears prick in her eyes and she took a deep breath, fanning herself quickly and trying to make them go away. A moment later she heard footsteps coming up the stairs. “Where are you guys?” he asked again.

“Daddy!” Apollo said excitedly, jumping up from his spot and flinging his little hands against the closet door. He pulled it back and open and peaked out, which got Blake’s attention.

“There you are bubs!” he said, kneeling down to greet the little one as he barreled into him. “Where’s…”

His sentence fell off as he looked up and saw Gwen, shrunk back in the closet.

“…Gwen?”

“Hey!” she exclaimed, trying to be okay, trying to be excited and save face with Apollo. She crawled out of the closet completely, and Blake saw her sketchpad and pencil off to the side, as well as the iPad.

“Were you in the closet?” he asked.

“Please don’t make this a thing…”

“A thing? _Gwen_ …”

He stood up with Apollo in his one arm, and she followed suit a moment later. He was having trouble deciphering the expressions on her face - it went from upset, to guilt, to anger, almost. 

“I heard a noise downstairs, okay? It freaked me out. Can we not make this a big deal?”

“….so you hid in the closet,” he finished. 

“So?”

His voice went softer. “Gwen…” he reached out, placing a hand on her shoulder. Her face seemed to scrunch up at the gesture, like she was trying not to get upset. “Baby. I…that’s not a normal response.”

She just shrugged.

His hand tugged her towards him and laid her head against him. It only took her a minute or two to give into him, letting her arms find their way around him and squeezing him tightly, doing her best not to get upset. 

“I just got scared, it’s no big deal. This is nothing you have to deal with.”

“Baby I think you need to go talk to someone about what happened,” he said, unexpectedly. The suggestion surprised her and she pulled back to look up to him. “I think maybe a counselor would be a good idea…”

She almost seemed offended. 

“I can’t even say the words out loud to you,” she almost whispered. “What exactly do you think a complete stranger is going to do?”

“Gwen, I don’t know, but you’re scarin’ the hell out of me. I don’t know what’s goin’ on in that head of yours but I think you need help sortin’ it out.”

“I’d rather you hire security,” she responded.

“Okay. Is that your final answer? Because that’s a compromise I would make. It would probably at least get you out of this closet.”

“Fine,” she conceded. 

“Why didn’t you call me?” he asked.

“Phone’s downstairs,” she deflected. He didn’t seem to take that as the full answer, though. “I thought someone was in the house. I wasn’t going to go downstairs.”

He let out a sigh, as he was seemingly getting nowhere. 

“Did you guys eat lunch?”

“Apollo is probably hungry. I’m just going to go lay down.” She was turning to walk towards the master bedroom.

“Gwen, you need to eat…"

“I need to lay down,” she corrected. She slipped inside the master bedroom and shut her eyes tight, still trying to hold herself together. She took the few steps forward and found herself crawling into bed, curling herself into the fetal position as she forced herself to take deep breaths to keep her breathing under control. Her mind focused on Blake’s footsteps down the stairs, seemingly off to go feed Apollo.


	19. Honey Bee

As the days, then weeks, wore on, he still worried about her. He found himself lying, saying he didn’t have anything to do at work, needing to make sure he was with her as much as he could be. It had shocked him to come home to Gwen hiding out in a closet, presumably there for quite some time, and he was at a loss over what to do. She didn’t want to talk to anyone. She didn’t want him to hire security. She didn’t want to talk to _him_. She was revolving her entire life around staying in the house, not wanting to go out, and wanting nothing to do with the world at this point. 

It didn’t bother him in the sense that he was staying home most of the time with her, though. It just worried him that maybe she would never actually have the desire to get up and out again. He knew this likely wasn’t permanent, but still. She was hiding, he knew that, and there was really only one thing he could think of that might cheer her up even just a little bit. So he got to work behind the scenes.

Blake had just put Apollo down for his after lunch nap and returned to the couch in the living room, mindlessly flipping through the channels. He was surprised to hear soft footsteps descending the stairs, realizing Gwen was coming out of their room for the first time that day. Her steps became louder as they moved towards the living room, and only then did Blake allow himself to look back slightly to see her coming to join him.

She stopped in front of the couch and looked at him a bit unsure, almost as if she was asking permission to join him. It kind of broke his heart that she seemed to feel the need for that permission. 

“Come here,” he said before she could even speak up. His arms were open and he was leaning forward slightly, ready for her. She gave a swift nod and her eyes went down, as she moved forward to slowly climb onto the couch, then onto his lap. His arms went around her as her head rested against his chest, right below his chin.

“I’ve been distant,” she said in a whisper, breaking the silence. 

“S’okay,” he responded simply, his hand stroking once through her hair.

“I don’t mean to be.”

“It’s gonna take time.”

Her head turned up as her back straightened, meeting him eye to eye. He offered her a small, gentle smile as their eyes locked. Her arms slid and rested loosely around his neck and she placed a soft, delicate kiss on his lips. There was something innocent yet revitalizing about it; feeling his breath against her skin, a sensation she didn’t know how badly she needed. She kissed him again, with more intention the second time. His hands flexed and held onto her a bit tighter in those moments.

Gwen suddenly pulled back, looking alarmed. “Blake,” was all she said, her eyes widening.

“What??” his back straightened, now worried all of a sudden. “What’s going on? Are you okay?” Gwen reached back and grabbed his hand, guiding it quickly up the front of her shirt and resting on the right side of her stomach. She pushed his open palm gently against her flesh, her eyes locking with his as she watched him intently. Gwen shifted his hand back slightly when he wasn’t giving a reaction, but a few moments later, his shoulders were relaxing as a grin came across his face.

“Gwen…is that…?”

“You feel it??” she asked, half laughing and half crying at that point. 

“Oh my god, I can’t believe it,” was all he could say. “Holy shit, Gwen, that’s incredible. I just…I don’t…I don’t know what to say.”

“She likes your voice, cowboy.”

“What?”

“When you talk, she moves around more,” she said with a smile. “I’m not kidding. Say something else.”

“What do I say?” he said, almost a bit nervously. 

“Anything,” Gwen responded with a giggle. 

Blake seemed to stutter for a moment as a loss for words. Then he decided to go with the one thing he could think of. He began to softly sing.

_”This might come out a little crazy….a little sideways, yeah maybe…I don’t know how long it’ll take me…but I’ll do my best…”_

Gwen was holding back laughter as she felt the baby’s movements continually increase, offering Blake a grin of encouragement and a fierce nod to keep going.

_”You’ll be my soft and sweet…I’ll be your strong and steady…You’ll be my sunny day…I’ll be your shade tree…”_

Gwen furrowed her brow in confusion, realizing he was skipping over some of his own lyrics. “What are you…”

“…I don’t wanna sing about wine and whiskey to her! She’s too young to hear about alcohol…” Blake whispered.

Gwen started giggling uncontrollably and could barely sit still, Blake was having a hard time keeping his hand on her stomach and suddenly he started laughing as well. 

“She has no idea what you’re saying,” Gwen managed, in between her laughter. 

“What fruit are we on this week anyways?” Blake asked suddenly.

Gwen was still giggling, but managed to answer him. “20 weeks is a banana.” 

_“I’ll be your big protective monkey…you’ll be my banana that I won’t eeeeat…”_

She was nearly in tears from laughing so hard but suddenly clamped up as a hand came over her mouth. “Oh my god, stop making me laugh, she’s going crazy and she’s gonna make me throw up.”

Blake let out a few stray chuckles as he reached over and grabbed a pillow and positioned it on the side of the couch, laying Gwen onto her back and hoping it would help. Her legs stayed across Blake’s lap and she rested her hands on her stomach, letting out a breath. Blake seemed like he was close to laughing again which caused Gwen to let out a chuckle, shaking her head. 

A minute later, Blake moved to lay with her, careful not to shift her too much for him to lay behind her. His arm came over her as he placed a kiss on her lips, and then her cheek, and then a few down her neck. His lips were hovering at her ear.

_“Your kiss just said it all…I’m glad we had this talk…Nothing left to do…but fall in each other’s arms…”_

Gwen offered him a smile and another soft kiss before cuddling up against him, his arms going around her. Their limbs loosely intertwined, a few sweet kisses and touches here and there. It felt like a huge missing part of her came flooding back for the first time. It felt like for once, Blake wasn’t treating her like a fragile doll and they were just enjoying _being_. It felt like it should; and it was such a relief.

The doorbell suddenly rang, pulling her from her content state as she jolted up and jumped, startled. Her face fell as she felt slightly embarrassed over her reaction, her hand clenching tightly onto Blake’s leg as she tried to lower her blood pressure again. 

“S’okay,” he said, sitting up next to her. His hand gently rubbed her back, trying to help her calm her nerves. She took a few deep breaths, then seemed to be calmer. 

“Do you want to go answer the door?” he asked her after a few moments, once he felt she was okay. 

Gwen have Blake a puzzled look at the suggestion that she go to answer the door. “Are we expecting someone and I forgot?” she asked him. 

“Mmm…I don’t _think_ so,” he emphasized. But he said it in such a peculiar way that she wasn’t sure exactly what he meant.

“Uhhh…okay then,” she shifted to stand, looking towards the door, then at Blake still sitting on the couch, unsure. 

He picked up on her uneasiness in those moments, gave her a quick smile, and stood up behind her. She turned to walk towards the door, Blake following behind her with his hands resting on her shoulders. She usually didn’t feel weird about answering the door unexpectedly, but considering recent events, it did feel kind of weird. 

Her hand reached forward and grasped the doorknob, opening the front door. 

“Surprise, love bug!”

Gwen’s eyes widened and she almost didn’t know how to react. She felt her stomach jump, she felt tears coming to her eyes, and the words escaped her. Her mouth fell open as she gasped suddenly, looking to Blake (who had a huge satisfied grin on his face, of course) and then back to Lizzy.

“Lizzy?!” she finally managed, her hand coming over her mouth still in shock. “How? Why? When?….Blake??”

He started chuckling, watching her obviously stunned reaction to the surprise of her friend showing up on their doorstep. Gwen couldn’t manage anymore words and just shot forward, hugging her friend tightly, as if she hadn’t seen her in a decade. 

“You’re here??” she asked again. “Blake, am I hallucinating again?”

“Aw, sweetheart, no, she’s really here,” Blake responded, as Lizzy started laughing, hugging Gwen back.

“And you're pregnant?? I can’t believe you’re pregnant, oh my god! Blake didn’t tell me that!”

The biggest smile came to Gwen’s face as her friend mentioned the baby, and her eyes went down to her own stomach that had definitely morphed into a prominent baby bump. “I know,” she whispered proudly, feeling Blake’s arm come around her and quickly smiling up to him. “I can’t believe it either. I’m so excited.” She paused. “But how…?”

“Blake flew me out this morning,” Lizzy explained with a laugh. She was obviously entertained about how Gwen was taking the surprise. “I didn’t want to bother you while you were trying to recover in the hospital, but he said now was probably a good time to come see you.”

“But what about your life? Husband? The kids? You can’t just drop everything...”

“They’re all fine, and will be there when I get back. I needed to come see you, babe,” she firmly cut Gwen off, making her point.

“Oh my god come inside, I’m sorry, I just can’t believe you’re here,” Gwen said, taking a step back into the house to allow her friend to come in. They shut the door behind her and Lizzy dropped her bags nearby in the foyer. Gwen was swiping under her eyes, a few of the happy tears had fallen. 

“I figured since I have some stuff coming up this week Lizzy could come out and stay with you when I’m not here,” Blake said, nudging her a bit.

“Now I feel bad. You came all the way out here just so I don’t have to be alone?” She almost pouted. 

“Well kind of, but will you just stop obsessing and accept the fact that I’m here? I’m here to see you, and I’m not leaving just because you think I have better things to do back in Georgia.” Lizzy rolled her eyes ironically and let out a laugh. “Plus, I need someone to show me some cool spots out here. You up for it?”

Gwen hesitated to answer. Her eyes briefly looked to Blake, feeling like he was watching her, knowing she hadn’t left the house in weeks. She had a gut feeling Blake told Lizzy that, too. Not wanting to dwell on it, Gwen just nodded quickly and shrugged it off. A second later, a subject change. 

“How long are you here for?” Gwen asked her. 

“Yours for a week,” Lizzy responded with a grin. 

Gwen looked to Blake. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me she was coming, cowboy.”

“And miss that surprised look on your face? Never,” he said, his arms tugging around her and planting a kiss on her cheek. 

“Come on, let’s take her upstairs to get settled. Pollo is still napping though so just be careful,” Gwen said, moving towards Lizzy’s things. 

“Are you serious? Gwen, no…” Blake said, rolling his eyes and cutting in front of her before she could lift anything. He grabbed both of the bags Lizzy had brought with her and lifted them up, holding them with ease. He knew Gwen was obsessed about being a good hostess to their guests, but he also knew she’d go too far if he wasn’t around. 

“What? It’s just a little luggage,” she said with a shrug, and an eye roll. 

“High risk pregnancy. Do those words mean nothing to you?”

“ _Fine_ ,” she conceded. 

He bent over and pecked a kiss on her lips. “It’s just cause I love you, babe.”

“God, you two have gotten even worse since I last saw you,” Lizzy chimed in.

“Shut up,” Gwen said, nudging at her friend with a laugh. Blake was off and up the stairs towards the guest room, with the two of them trailing behind. "Thanks for coming," she whispered soon after, giving her a side hug as they continued up the stairs.


	20. Q & A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright folks, I'm off to travel for two weeks. Don't expect any updates, but there's a good chance I might (finally) begin outlining a story premise I've been sitting on for quite some time...
> 
> Thank you to Marie for being amazing and helping me through part of this chapter. 
> 
> <3
> 
> xoelectric

It was as if she had been transported through time.

There was something nostalgic about being cuddled up in sweatpants and blankets in her guest bed with Lizzy and Apollo, TV on softly in the background as Lizzy caught her up on all the latest drama and happenings back in the Atlanta office. She was sipping on a warm mug of tea with honey as her lips turned up into a smile.

“No _way_ ,” Gwen said.

“Yes way! I swear it’s true!”

Just as Lizzy began launching into the details of how publicly Grace’s husband proclaimed he was filing for divorce in front of the entire office, Blake knocked a few times and peaked his head in.

“So uh, I know this is “girl time” n’all, but I just wanted to check on you guys…”

“Aww, Blakey, are you feeling left out?” Gwen said with a pout. “Come here. Lizzy’s just about to tell us all about Grace getting a divorce.” She stood up on her knees and held her mug in one hand and reached out for his hand, tugging him closer to the bed. He came around and sat on the other side, leaving one leg off the bed but allowing his back to lean against the headboard. 

“That horrible ex boss of yours?” Blake asked, shaking his head. “Babe, I don’t have to stay. I know you and Lizzy haven’t seen each other…”

“I like having you here,” she said, planting a quick kiss on top of his nose. “But I get it. The dramatic story about Grace’s divorce isn’t for everyone. You don’t have to stay.”

“Hmmm,” he contemplated.

“It’s getting late though, maybe you could take Pollo to bed? He’ll probably fall asleep in five seconds flat by the look of him.”

“That I can do,” Blake said with a smile. His eyes stayed intent on her, and soon the small smirk on her lips turned into a confused look as her eyebrow raised.

“What is it?” she asked. 

He was caught staring. He shook his head a bit.

He wanted to say how relieved he was to see her like that. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her and he wanted to keep her this content forever. He wanted to tell her how proud he was for her getting through all the bad and coming out and seeming to be okay. But he didn’t. There had been something about this day, even before Lizzy had come that seemed to be a turning point. He didn’t want to mess that up, and he didn’t want to say anything wrong in front of her friend. So he kept it to the simplest truth.

“I love you,” was all he said. He offered her a smile. Her confused state morphed into more of a content state as a smile played across her lips. “Just that. Just that I love you. Sometimes I can’t help but stare.” He kissed her briefly and stood up, smiling and nudging down at Apollo a bit. It didn’t take more than that for the toddler to crawl over to Blake for him to pick him up. 

“Say goodnight to mom, bubs,” Blake encouraged him. Gwen grinned as the toddler leaned forward towards Gwen and hugged the top of her head, causing her to giggle.

“Night night momma, night night dada,” he said with a yawn, just as his head fell on Blake’s shoulder again. Gwen’s eyes couldn’t help but stay glued to the two of them walking out the door, her heart melting a bit.

“You seriously found the best man in the entire universe, Gwen,” Lizzy chimed in. 

“Yeah. I know I did.” Gwen nodded, seemingly still lost in her own little world. A few moments later she snapped back, turning her attention to Lizzy. “Most days it still doesn’t feel real, even though we’re married and our lives are together. I still feel like that girl on the private plane nervous to see her boyfriend. But he’s perfect.”

“So if he’s perfect, why are you hiding from him?”

The question shocked her into a stutter, taken aback by the sudden audacity. “W..What?”

“You know what I’m talking about, doll,” Lizzy said, never one to sugar coat anything. 

“What did Blake tell you?”

Lizzy let out a sigh. “Blake said you haven’t left the house in weeks. That you won’t talk to anyone about what happened. That one day he came home and found you shrunk back and hiding in a closet.”

“God that wasn’t a big deal, I heard a strange noise downstairs, what was I supposed to do? Why is he making this into something huge?”

“Gwen, I don’t think he’s completely wrong,” Lizzy stated plainly. “Something happened to you. Something horrible happened to you. But we have a right to be worried if this is how you’re handling it and you won’t even talk about it.”

“I’m _fine_ ,” she insisted. “I’m sitting right here. I’m drinking tea and trying to enjoy my friend that came to visit me. It’s not like I’m locked in the basement or hiding under the bed all day.”

“You might as well be,” Lizzy said, shaking her head. 

“Wha —“ Gwen began in protest, but was soon surely cut off.

“What happened to you, Gwen?”

“Why is that important?”

“Why are you deflecting?”

“Why are you not answering my question?”

Lizzy sighed, before posing another question instead. “What are you afraid is going to happen if you answer mine?” Silence fell. “What’s going to happen if you can’t get past this because you don’t try? Have you thought about that? I’m sure Blake would quit his career and stay home with you for the rest of your lives, but do you really want him to do that? What’s going to happen when Apollo gets older, and you have baby Georgia? You’re going to have to leave the house and you’re going to have to go back to living life, but you won’t even take the first step towards that right now.” Her tone was concerned, not accusatory or angry. Lizzy knew how to toe the line with Gwen when it came to telling her like it is, but not adding to the stress or making her upset. 

She only stopped when she realized Gwen had clammed up, her lips pressing together in an attempt to hold herself together. Her eyes were at the beginning stages of watering and they kept staring straight at her, obviously using all of Gwen’s strength to keep their composure. 

Her voice came down to a light whisper. “Please talk to me,” Lizzy begged, more delicately that before. Lizzy moved closer to Gwen and she flinched realizing it. “Or Blake. Or _someone_.”

The first tear broke and fell down her right cheek. “I can’t.”

“Are you scared?”

Gwen exhaled. “I’m terrified.”

“What are you terrified of?” she asked gently. 

“I’m terrified someone is going to attack me and kill the baby. All the time.”

“Taylor’s dead though, isn’t she, love bug?”

“It doesn’t matter. Knowing that doesn’t help.”

A few more tears streamed down her cheeks and she rolled her eyes, annoyed with herself as she swiped at them quickly. 

“Are you afraid of being alone?” Lizzy asked after a few moments of silence. 

“Yeah. Maybe a bit,” she responded with a shrug, her eyes casting down to the bed. “The closet felt safer than just being out in the open. I don’t know why.”

“It makes sense to me,” her friend offered lightly, with a small, encouraging smile. 

“You don’t have to say that to make me feel better.”

“Have I ever lied to you?”

Gwen contemplated for a moment. “No,” she finally answered. 

Silence fell again. 

“….what did she…” Lizzy began, but started to backtrack, trying to simultaneously gauge her reaction as well as ask gently. “How did she…attack you?”

There was something about Gwen’s eyes as they seemed to be distracted but going a mile a minute as she blinked back the tears. “Knife,” she managed hoarsely. Her face broke for a second and squinted before she gained composure again.

“Blake isn’t going to let anything happen to you, love bug,” Lizzy reminded her. “Do you trust him?”

“Completely,” she answered immediately, honestly. “But…he couldn’t have stopped what happened the first time. It’s not his fault but you can’t convince me that something like this can’t happen again.”

“And you don’t want security,” Lizzy responded, remembering Blake mentioning that earlier. 

“A twenty something overpowered me with a knife and tried to kill us. If a security guard wanted to do the same, he would be successful.”

“Not everyone wants to kill you, Gwen,” she said delicately. She immediately regretted it when she visibly saw Gwen shut down in front of her.

“Just forget it, okay? You couldn’t possibly understand and it’s stupid and this is stupid.”

“No, no, no, don’t do that. Please. Gwen, you’re not stupid and the way you’re feeling isn’t stupid. And you’re right, maybe I can’t fully understand but I want to help. _We_ want to help. And you need to talk to us for us to do that.”

“I’m getting tired,” Gwen said softly in response.

“Okay,” Lizzy nodded. “We can talk more in the morning if you’re up for it, okay?”

Gwen nodded, set her mug down and then stood up, holding the robe tight around her body. She leaned forward and her arms went around her friend, hugging her tightly.

They said their goodnights and Gwen closed the door to the guest room, and took a few steps down the hall. She came up and hovered in the doorway to their bedroom, seeing Blake sprawled out on the bed in a t-shirt and boxers, reading something on his phone. Realizing her presence he looked up and smiled, then his expression fell concerned. 

“What’s wrong, baby?” he asked, sitting up a bit as she walked towards the bed. She gently crawled towards him and just shook her head, finding her comfortable spot against his chest. His arms went around her and she sighed, melting into him. 

“It’s fine,” was all she said, craving the silence instead. 

Blake felt intuitively that silence was what she needed, and so he kept quiet and just held her. After what felt like an hour, her soft, whispered voice broke out.

“I got a call from the Controller…the day we got back from San Francisco,” she began, and forced herself to take a breath as this was one story she was trying to keep buried, but it seemed to be coming out now. “There were a lot of weird charges and transfers on one of the accounts. The account that Taylor’s credit card was tied to.”

Blake froze, hearing Taylor’s name and becoming immediately entranced in listening to what Gwen was saying. He needed to know where this was going.

“I went and met with him and he gave me the statements and we got to the bottom of it…that Taylor was lifting money out of our accounts for months.”

She fell silent again after that, her hand coming up to wick a few tears away off of her cheeks as she forced herself to take a deep breath. Blake physically felt her anxiety as she struggled to continue and his arms just tightened a bit more around her, his lips planting a kiss on the top of her head. His hand was caressing her arm, trying to soothe, trying to encourage.

“I didn’t know what to do,” her voice broke suddenly, as she sniffed and stifled a cry. “I panicked. I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t tell you. I was scared to.”

“Why were you scared to tell me?” he couldn’t help but ask suddenly. He was trying so hard to contain himself and let her get it out but it wasn’t making sense to him and he felt he needed to know.

“She…she was part of your family, Blake.”

“ _No_ ,” he said abruptly, his hands cupping both of her cheeks and forcing her to look him in the eyes. “No. Gwen, _you_ are my family. Apollo and Georgia are my family. Taylor was an old friend, and sure, maybe she came along to some family functions because of her screwed up family, but baby, _you_ and the kids are my family and the people that matter most to me in the world. There’s no contest.”

His thumb swiped a tear away right before Gwen closed her eyes. He planted a kiss on the top of her forehead. “Understand?” he asked as a follow up. She nodded, opening her eyes once more.

“Yeah, I get that, okay, it’s just…the thought of you losing Taylor before any of this happened was the equivalent of me losing Lizzy,” she said with a shrug. “I was just trying to protect you and salvage what I could if it could be salvaged.”

“Go on,” he said softly. 

She blinked back a few times. “I uhmm,” she began, holding back the sniffles again. “I made a plan to confront her about it the next morning. It was thousands of dollars, I had poured over the statements. I was so nervous waiting for her to come in that morning, I thought I was going to throw up. She denied everything. She started yelling at me to see Apollo. I told her she was fired and she needed to leave; she wouldn’t. I said I was going to call the cops. I picked up my phone and I started dialing and…” she gasped suddenly, her eyes shutting tight. The silence lingered for a minute. “…she had the knife digging into my back."

Blake’s entire body tensed up to his jaw, listening to her recollection. 

“We went upstairs. She hit me in the back of the head with something and I passed out. What I remember is coming in and out, almost like falling asleep and waking up, but I couldn’t see. I remember when she…” Gwen paused, her fingers tracing over the scar from the deep cut that had punctured her body. “Blake, I was so scared.”

She allowed herself to break then, burying her face in his chest as she started to cry. He just held her tightly; there wasn’t anything else he could do for her in those moments except let her get this out of her system. 

“It’s over. And you’re safe. Shhh…” he said eventually, and she just gripped him tighter. Gwen started to try and catch her breath as her crying slowed, reducing to the sniffles once more. 

“I’m scared it’s gonna happen again. I don’t know why. I’m just scared all the time.”

“You don’t have to feel embarrassed for feeling scared,” he said immediately. “I want to help you feel as safe as possible.”

“I do…kind of.”

“Kind of?”

She shut her eyes tight, frustrated with herself for admitting it like that. “Lizzy was right. You can’t stay by my side 24/7 for the rest of my life. And I get that. But Blake. If someone wants to hurt me they’re going to find a way. If we hire security, and they want to overpower me one day, they will. If we hire another nanny, how do we know she’s not a psycho waiting to kidnap Apollo?”

“Baby, I understand you’re terrified and you’ve been through something traumatic…but Gwen, honey, you can’t live like this. Nobody can. You can’t live like everyone around you is out to hurt you. You just…you need time to heal, and I understand that better now. I wish I had understood it sooner.”

“I just feel powerless. Helpless. I feel like something was taken from me and I can’t find the missing piece and I don’t know where to begin looking and I’m at a loss.”

He planted a kiss on the top of her head, letting her fidget and stress for a moment on her own. 

“You need to find something to focus on,” he said finally. “This is all going to be nothing more than a bad memory. What is important to you?”

“My family, of course,” she said without hesitation. “You, Apollo…and Georgia.” Her eyes went down to her stomach, one hand gently resting against it. 

“Focus on her,” he said quietly. “Use me for your balance. Let me take on more with Apollo. And you focus on being calm and getting ready for her to join us.”

“You don’t need to take on so much,” she responded quietly. 

“Right now, I need to. Yours and the baby’s health is priority.”

“But Blake —“

“— no, Gwen. No “buts”. Please, will you try?”

She let out a deep sigh, her eyes meeting his.

“You don’t have to take the world on your shoulders,” he added. “I know you had to with… _him_. But I’m not going to let you do that with me.”

“ _Blake_ ,” she said a little more insistently. Her eyes were begging for him to let her talk. He got the hint, and fell silent. “I _need_ Apollo. I need his picky eating habits, his insistence that he gets five bedtime stories read to him. I need his tantrums and I need his hugs. Don’t take that away from me.”

Blake’s mouth opened, a little shocked. “I’m…I didn’t mean…”

“I know you didn’t,” Gwen intercepted again. She let out a breath. “I know you don’t know what I need. _I_ don’t know what I need. But letting me be a mom is important. I need that.”

“Okay,” he conceded, though it was hesitant. 

Gwen stretched her neck up, placing a kiss on his neck softly. She whispered against his skin. “I need you too, you know.”

“You have me,” he said confidently. She kissed him again and let out a sigh of content, her head moving down to lay against his chest again. His arms continued to hold tightly around her. 

“I need this, most of all.”

“Hmm?”

“I need your love. I need your arms around me. It’s life.”

His nose nuzzled against the top of her head, and picking up the cue, she turned up to look at him. Her lips moved forward and brushed his as her eyes closed, letting herself get lost for a moment.

Just as their lips parted, he quickly pecked a second kiss on her nose. “I’m proud of you.”

“For what?”

“That wasn’t easy,” he said, skipping a beat. “How do you feel?”

“How do I feel,” she echoed, letting out a breath. “Lighter. Tired, actually, I felt like a nervous wreck coming in here and now that I’m not so fidgety anymore, I just want to sleep.”

“We can manage that. Come on,” he nudged her a bit. She shifted, sitting next to him as he reached behind her to pull one of the extra pillows off the bed, handing it to her. He knew she was sleeping in weird positions with pillows at this stage of the pregnancy, and it just made her smile that he always seemed to remember little details like that. He also constantly reminded her left side was better than right side, and he was of course still the perfect big spoon. 

Gwen positioned herself, moving her body further down the bed to lay next to him. Blake reached over and flicked the switch, settling in next to her, his arm loose around her midsection. She felt his protective instincts in moments like those, where he just touched or held her in a certain way that calmed her. 

“I love you, Blake.”

“Love you, baby."


	21. Unrest

Her eyes flashed open in the darkness. Her senses awakened, one by one. She realized she was laying on her side. Her one hand clenched into the crisp sheets below her as the other gently tugged the duvet back over her shoulders. Her eyes fell on the clock settled on the nightstand, realizing it was just past 2:30 in the morning. Her eyes averted, gaze shifting to rest on the closed bedroom door. Her hand shifted down slightly, resting against her stomach. She forced herself to take a deep breath, softly letting it out.

Her mind was racing. Constantly reliving what she went through messed with her head sometimes, disrupted her sleeping patterns and generally made her restless. She was trying to fight through it and be okay, but it was hard. She felt as if she was only at the beginning of being able to talk to Blake again, and even then, she didn’t want this to continue to take over their lives. She didn’t want this to be such a… _thing_.

Her mind flashed to a vision of that kitchen knife again, coming for her throat. Her eyes shut tight as she sat up, bringing her legs to her chest as her arms held them there. She let her forehead rest against her knees as her breathing quickened. 

He sensed something was off. Instinctually, he turned over and his eyes adjusted to the darkness. He saw Gwen’s figure sitting up, tucked in, bent forward. His arms came to his sides as he pushed himself up in a sitting position to match hers. Realizing he was sitting up, her head turned to the side to meet his eyes, keeping the side of her forehead against her knees still.

“Go back to sleep,” she whispered softly. 

“Not without you,” he responded. His hand reached out and stroked gently down her back for a few strokes. Their eyes remained locked on one another, his hand coming down on a final stroke and resting on her opposite hip. “Come here,” he said, pulling gently at her side. He moved her closer to him, bringing her in between his legs to sit as his hands began to massage gently into her shoulders. She let out a long exhale as she allowed her back to lean against him.

“Is the baby alright?” he asked softly, against her ear. 

“Georgia is fine,” she replied quietly and with a quick nod. 

“Another nightmare?” he asked next.

“Kind of,” she conceded. She groaned a bit as his hand went over a particularly sensitive area on her shoulder, and he took notice. 

“Knot,” he said. “I’ll work on it gently.” Both hands moved to her right shoulder, his thumbs pressing into it as she continued. 

“I want to be better than this,” she said. “I want to move on. I can’t catch a break.”

“You’ll move on when you’re ready,” he responded. “I keep tellin’ ya, you went through a trauma, and that’s gonna take time, baby girl.”

“Sounds like an excuse.”

“I know you don’t like thinking of yourself as…you know, as a victim,” he was careful with his words.

“I don’t know what I am anymore.”

His eyebrow raised, surprised that she didn’t immediately shoot him down on his last statement. “I’m sorry if telling me made it worse.”

“It didn’t,” she replied. Her shoulder relaxed slowly as she felt Blake finish the knot out of it. “It doesn’t seem to matter if I say it or not, I’m always thinking about it.” She paused, contemplating for a moment. “And I’m glad you know. I was putting pressure on myself and you knowing helps alleviate that. And I don’t have to tell anyone else so it’s like…done.”

“But?”

“…but it’s not _really_ done.”

Blake exhaled softly, his hand tracing through her blonde locks. His hand traced again, while his opposite hand came to her forehead and gently pulled her head towards him. “Lay back. Close your eyes,” he instructed. She let out a frustrated breath, not really in the mood to focus on being calm. “It’s for the baby,” he chimed in, knowing that it might help. A moment later he felt her body sink slightly more against him, and his hand moved from her forehead and to the back of her neck. He began gently massaging there, letting his fingers stretch up into her scalp. Her eyes finally closed.

“I’m so lucky to have you in my life, Gwen,” he said softly. “It’s still so crazy how fast everything happened. I still remember the first time I saw you in the audience. I remember the light vanilla scent I smelled in your hair when we first danced that night. How your body felt against mine when we fell asleep.” 

Gwen let out a breath that it seemed like she might have been holding in without meaning to. He continued.

“I thought you were the most adorable woman in the entire world when I first saw you with Apollo. Watching him grow up, seeing so much of you in him and getting to be a part of that has been amazing. Growing into a family with you two, and now getting to add a new addition is all I ever wanted. I had no idea what I didn’t have when I didn’t have it. I know that sounds dumb, like, _of course Blake, how could you know something you’ve never had._

“You’re rambling,” she mumbled, eyes closed, as she offered a small smile. 

He chucked. “Is it working?”

“A bit.”

“Then there’s all the little moments. Catching you dancing in your underwear in the bathroom while you curled your hair. The time you tried to seduce me with _Santa Baby_ and Apollo busted in…” He couldn’t help but let out a chuckle on that one, remembering how embarrassed she looked as she shrank under the covers. “The way your eyes light up when I bring you a grilled cheese sandwich. The fact that you still think I have a song written about Chewbacca…”

“…but you _do_ have a song about Chewbacca,” she emphasized in a mumble. Her eyes kept closed but her eyebrows raised a bit. 

“Sure baby, whatever you say,” he replied quietly, with a shake of the head and a small smile across his lips. His fingers massaged her scalp a bit softer, as he felt her winding down a bit. “I think the most nervous I’ve ever been in my entire life was when I proposed to you. I didn’t think I was worth the amount of love I felt…love that I felt because of you. And you know, the added pressure of popping the question in front of a huge crowd, and with your entire family either backstage or on Skype. The image of you when I saw you for the first time in your wedding dress is burned into my memory forever. My heart still races when I think back to it. Even more so when I remember unzipping it down the back. How your hand held the dress against you as you watched me from the mirror behind you. Getting to spend that night with you, and it just felt different. Because we were married for the first time…not only were you my wife then, you were also the mother of my children.”

He paused, listening to Gwen’s breathing and wondering if she might have drifted to sleep. “Gwen?” he whispered, but there wasn’t a response. A small, relieved smile came to his lips as he withdrew his hand from her scalp, placing both on her shoulders instead. He gently and slowly shifted, laying her down on her side as the doctor had advised, resting her right arm by her side as she laid on her left. She shifted slightly in her sleep and stilled, allowing Blake to lay next to her. His arm went loosely, albeit protectively around her as they laid still in the darkness. 

———

When her eyes opened again, the room was lit up from the sunlight flowing into the room. Her eyes fixated on the clock, realizing she slept past nine in the morning, a lot later than she expected. Gwen’s hands came to her sides and she gently pushed herself up into a sitting position, her head turning slightly to realize she was the only one in the room. She leaned to the left and tugged her robe closer, her arms slipping inside easily as she held it against herself. Her feet slid into her slippers and she began to make her way downstairs. 

“Good morning, love bug!” Lizzy squealed, but in a whisper, as Gwen descended the final stair. A mug of tea pressed into Gwen’s hands and she took it from her with a confused smile, raised eyebrow. 

“Hi uhh, what’s all this?” she laughed a bit awkwardly, realizing Blake and Apollo were in the kitchen and hovered over the stovetop. 

“Today is all about _relaxing_ ,” she emphasized. “Come on, let’s get you off your feet, over to the couch,” she said. Lizzy’s hand went behind Gwen’s back as she guided her over to the couch.

“Aw Lizzy, come on, it’s not that bad,” she commented, taking a seat as her gaze went up to her.

“Nonsense,” she was insistent. “Blake and Apollo are making pancakes. You and I are going to a prenatal yoga class at eleven…”

“… _prenatal yoga_?” she asked with an exasperated sigh. “Lizzy, that’s sweet, but…”

“…but _what_?” 

“I just…you don’t need to do all of this.”

“Gwen, you’re wound up tighter than a two dollar watch.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means basically that you need to relax whether you like it or not and I’m gonna force you to do it.”

Gwen knew this about her friend, and she knew she would succeed. She also didn’t have the will to fight her.

Her eyes glanced down to the mug. “No coffee?”

“As if you need caffeine. Not good for the baby.”

“Might be good for the tired mama.”

“Come on now, it’s herbal. It will start your relaxation process.”

“Ok fine. But if you say relaxation process one more time, the opposite of relaxation process will happen.”

“Well then I’ll just leave you right here and go check on those pancakes. Don’t lift a finger.”

And with that, Lizzy scurried off back to the kitchen.

——

It had only taken Lizzy about ten minutes to come back with a plate stacked of pancakes, the four of them settling around the coffee table in a relaxed silence. Gwen wasn’t really that hungry, but she ended up eating a lot more than she thought. Sooner than she realized she was up the stairs and getting changed into comfortable workout style clothes, and back down the stairs when Lizzy called up that they had to go. She didn’t really want to, she just wanted to sit around and obsess a bit. She knew it wasn’t healthy but it was difficult to get out of her mind. 

“Just give it a try, baby,” Blake said softly, suddenly coming up behind her. “I know you. I know that look. I know you don’t want to go. But this could be really good for you. Good for Georgia.”

“Ugh. I just. Blake. Sitting in a room with a bunch of pregnant women either obsessing over their belly bumps or giving sun salutations or setting voodoo intentions for the day just doesn’t sound like a good time right now.”

“Voodoo intentions?” he echoed with a chuckle. “I mean, I can’t say I know what happens in yoga but it really can’t be that bad?” He paused. “What’s the alternative? Sit at home and not be able to relax?”

“Closet isn’t looking so bad,” she mumbled. 

“Lizzy is going with you. You don’t have to talk to anyone else. You are there for the baby and that’s all you need to think about. Okay?” His lips pressed against her forehead, giving her a kiss. “Just make an effort to relax. Any little bit helps.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she said dismissively. “Love you.”

“Come on, let’s goooo!” Lizzy exclaimed. Gwen couldn’t help but laugh.

“Since when are you this excited about pre-natal yoga?” she asked, with a shake of her head. 

“Since I actually got you to willingly go with me!”

They both climbed into Gwen’s car, Lizzy in the driver’s seat as she navigated them to the studio. Gwen let out a slightly frustrated breath, her eyes following the various sights along the way.


	22. Namaste

The car ride was mostly silent, only the sound of soft music playing from the radio as the soundtrack. Soon they arrived to the studio. They were escorted in and pointed in the direction of the equipment. Lizzy walked off and grabbed them a few mats and laid them out near the back of the class. Some of others had arrived and were waiting on the class to start, Gwen noticed them in various phases - some had their eyes closed, allowing the soft relaxing music in the background to be what they concentrated on. Others were stretching, and a few others that weren’t as far along were pushing up into various poses. 

“This room smells like lavender,” Gwen observed in a whisper. 

“Because lavender is _relaxing_ ,” Lizzy emphasized. “So _relax_. Sit down on the mat. Close your eyes. Breathe. I will literally walk you through all of this if I have to. This instructor might need to compete for airtime.” 

“Shhh,” Gwen shushed softly, rolling her eyes once before giving in and carefully sitting down. She sat upright, a little anxious as she saw others come in the door. Lizzy sat next to her on her own mat, and the silence remained between them as others began entering the room. All up until the one woman without a baby belly made her way into the room, presumably the instructor. 

“Namaste,” she greeted, hands at heart center as she bowed to the class.

“Here we go,” Gwen mumbled, and Lizzy shot her a warning look. 

Others in the class greeted back, though not all. Gwen couldn’t help but fidget, as her eyes wandered around the room to take in her surroundings. The instructor introduced herself as Becca, and said something about breathing that she missed. But suddenly everyone’s eyes around her closed as the room stilled. 

“Think about a visual if it helps you to breathe,” Becca said, and Gwen looked to Lizzy. Her friend had her eyes closed, legs crossed, and seemed to be buying into it. She sighed softly. “Think about a flower. It expands as you breathe in…one…two…and folds in as you exhale, one two…”

Her eyes closed, realizing she didn’t have much else of a choice. She noticed a nagging pain on the back side of her neck, her nose wrinkling up as her fingers massaged it gently. Becca went on with the flower analogy as the women around her took in deep breaths. This went on for a number of rounds, it was a quiet intensity and by the time she convinced herself to just try it once, Becca was moving on. She was making her way around the room now, and that meant Gwen probably really didn’t have a choice - she had to at least pretend to participate. 

“Now I want you to sit up, back as straight as you can and keep your posture,” she began softly. “I want you to bring your arms open and up into sun salutation, sliding the hands down to heart center. Close your eyes. Set your intention for the next hour.”

“ _Jesus Christ_ I called that,” she mumbled low enough so that only Lizzy could hear.

“Shut up and just try it. Maybe your intention could be _I’ll try not to be a total bitch about this for the next hour…_ and mine will be _I intend not to kill my best friend for being annoying_ …”

“…remembering that silence is your best friend in this class…” Becca’s voice came a bit louder, in the middle of whatever she had been saying as her gaze cast onto the two of them with that look. They seemed to settle after that, not wanting to draw negative attention to themselves. 

She rolled her eyes again and closed them, forcing herself to try and concentrate. Intention, intention. Why was she even here? What was this going to accomplish? Why did she need to relax? Everything was stupid, everything is frustrating, and she just didn’t feel like herself. She liked being pregnant. The idea of Georgia was all she ever wanted. But the rest of it was just murky and hard to navigate and it was so much she just wanted to scream. And if she screamed, well, that wasn’t very relaxing. 

Her hands balled into a fist, her lips pursed together. Becca was instructing them to breathe again in motion with the flower again and she wasn’t ready for the flower. Maybe this was the wrong kind of exercise - she didn’t feel like a flower, didn’t want to breathe like a flower, she just wanted to punch a wall and feel safe. She wanted to get the tension and the stress out of her body, maybe kick and scream and cry to get it out, but trying to suppress it with breathing at this point seemed so useless. Her anxiety rose. Her fists tightened into balls. She was so wound up, she felt her body shaking. And soon the energy exploded and she shot up, eyes open as she rose to a standing position quickly, and her feet were carrying her out the door.

She made it to the lobby. She walked by a few people that raised a questionable eyebrow at her as she stormed past, moving out of the studio entirely. She walked a few steps down the sidewalk and stopped. A few moments later, Lizzy came out after her. 

“Gwen, what’s wrong?” she asked gently.

“I can’t breathe like a fucking flower right now!” she almost screamed. Her breath was rigid; her body tense. Lizzy’s heart sank, feeling as if she just made everything worse. 

“Gwen, I…I just wanted…” she tried to explain. Gwen’s breath hitched, and she knew where this was going. “You need to sit down and take some deep breaths. Fuck the flower. Just look at me.” Lizzy took her hands and sat her down on the bench near them and Gwen’s eyes shut tight. Her hands squeezed in Lizzy’s and she bit her bottom lip. 

“I feel like she’s already been through so much,” Gwen said, frustrated. “And it’s my fault. She’s going to be neurotic because of me.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong, love bug,” Lizzy replied immediately. “She’s not going to be neurotic. She’s going to be loved.”

“My anxiety hurts her,” her voice lowered to a whisper. “My feelings hurt her. And I can’t do much of anything to help because they’re inside of me, she’s inside of me, and she feels them. She feels what I feel. This entire pregnancy she’s probably felt scared and insecure. And that’s fucking terrible.”

“Is she alright?” another voice came from behind them. Lizzy looked up and saw Becca, she must have left the class for a moment. Gwen didn’t turn around. She suddenly felt too embarrassed. 

“She’s a little stressed,” Lizzy answered honestly. Gwen just rolled her eyes to herself. A finger came up to her cheek to wick a stray tear away. 

“Why don’t you come back inside with her. I have an idea,” Becca said, beckoning them. “I can’t leave you out here on the sidewalk. Come on. It’ll be worth it.”

Lizzy looked to Gwen, her eyes asking her to give it a try. Gwen was resistant, she didn’t like this sudden attention and she still felt a little embarrassed. Lizzy stood up, her hand held out to her friend. The blonde hesitated before giving in, standing up slowly, turning to follow Becca back inside. 

“Look, I’m fine, I know you have a class you need to teach…”

“My assistant is covering. They’ll be just fine, I promise.”

Becca led them to a door with a small sign on it.

_Meditation_

Well if yoga was going to freak her out, she was sure this wasn’t going to help, either. 

The door opened into a small room where the lights were completely dimmed. And it was eerily quiet. Before Gwen could even voice her skepticism, Becca spoke up.

“Just humor me for a few minutes, it really might help. What’s your name, by the way?”

She quickly debated whether or not to voice her skepticism regardless, but she gave in. “Gwen.”

“How far along are you, Gwen?”

“About sixteen weeks.”

“Ahhh. So that means baby is just about as big as an avocado. Or is it pomegranate? Sometimes I mix a few of the weeks up.”

The mood shifted slightly. “Avocado,” Gwen said. She couldn’t help but smile just a little. “You know about the pregnancy website?”

“If you teach enough prenatal yoga classes it starts to stick,” she said with a smile. “Plus I’ve done the pregnancy thing myself a few times. I have two little ones in elementary school.”

“I don’t even want to think about Apollo going to elementary school,” Gwen said with a shake of her head. “I couldn’t even handle him going to daycare, so my husband hired…” And her hands rested on her stomach subconsciously as her words halted immediately. It always came back to that. She froze, her body getting tense. Becca noticed the sudden change, and though she didn’t know why it happened, she didn’t need to. 

Lizzy realized that Becca was getting her to talk and there was something going on there, so she took a step back and sat on a chair that was propped against the wall. She kept a careful eye on Gwen though, as she took a seat in the same moment she was about to mention Taylor. 

“Second pregnancies are usually easier than the first ones,” Becca reassured her, changing the subject. Gwen nodded in agreement, though she wasn’t making eye contact. Becca turned suddenly and took a few steps to the side of the room, taking a few mats and laying them on the ground. She laid out one for Gwen, and another one for herself in front. 

“Georgia has already been through a lot,” she paused. “Too much.”

“Georgia,” Becca repeated with a smile. “What a beautiful name. Most women don’t get to find out the gender until closer to the twentieth week. You’re one of the lucky ones.”

“Well, when you’re admitted to the hospital for weeks at a time, they don’t have much else to do, I guess.”

Becca was temporarily at a loss for words, but she recovered quickly. Her hands reached out to hold Gwen’s and she walked her a few steps forward onto the first mat. 

“Let’s sit for a few minutes. I’m going to put some oil in the diffuser.”

Becca let go of her hands and took a step around Gwen, moving to the side where a diffuser was sitting on the table. She opened the small drawer below it and found the bottle she was looking for, carefully letting the drops fall on it. Gwen took her time and sat down on the mat as instructed, but not before looking back at Lizzy to make sure she was still there. The scent of camomile hit the room suddenly. Becca came back over and kneeled in front of her. 

“Have you taken yoga before?” she asked.

Gwen shrugged a bit. “Maybe a few classes years ago. I don’t really remember them.”

“Well it’s really good when you’re pregnant because the entire focus is on breathing. It’s about letting go of what’s on your mind and trying to relax.”

“I can’t,” was all she said. “The doctors won’t let me take my Xanax and I’m failing miserably at everything else.”

“You’re not failing at anything, Gwen. You have a healthy baby growing inside of you, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“So the hard part is taken care of. Now, all I want you to think about is breathing right now. Becoming aware of what happens that you don’t think about all the time. That’s all. Can you do that?”

Gwen nodded.

“Eyes closed.”

She obliged. 

She listened to herself breathing. She found her more shallow breaths she was able to deepen as the room around her completely silenced. She began to feel the tension lessen as she just sat there and breathed for a few minutes. 

“I want you to try something. Inhale and exhale completely and deeply through your nose. Press the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth. Pretend I’m holding a mirror in front of you and you’re trying to fog it up with your breath.”

Her eyebrow raised a bit as she listened, but she kept her eyes closed. Her tongue pressed up as instructed and she began taking a deep breath. She let it out, and it almost startled her. Gwen’s eyes opened and she looked at Becca.

“That was loud,” she said.

“But that was right,” Becca assured her. “This is ujjayi breathing. It’s meant to sound like an ocean wave on the exhale. It’s something I’m teaching you to try the next time you feel stressed or anxious.”

Her eyes closed again. She took another deep breath in, and then letting it out. Becca’s hands came to rest on Gwen’s shoulders and she gently shook them. “Let this tension go. It’s just you, me, and little Georgia here right now. Georgia wants to take a nap, and the only way she can do that is if you release your shoulders.”

She took an even deeper exhale as she actually put forth a strong effort to let it go. 

Lizzy was still sitting silently in the back of the room, bent forward at the waist as she kept an eye on her friend. She was trying to contain her excited relief over what Becca was able to do for her already. 

“Just imagine you’re sitting on the beach. The waves are coming in, crashing on the shore. It’s the most perfect blue in color. The sand is pure white. The sun is gentle on your face. Your breathing is in sync with the waves. You feel relaxed. You feel safe. Georgia is sleeping in your arms. Her eyes are closed, she’s content. She’s safe. The waves continue to come in on pattern. Thoughts about the day are released. Tension released. It’s all about you, your baby, and your breath.”

Ten minutes passed. She wasn’t struggling to stay still, she just wanted to this time. She wanted to hold on to the visual. She fought her mind when it told her she was being stupid. When it was hard for her to keep listening to herself breathe, she listened intently, trying to make out any sounds from Becca, who was still in front of her. There was an obvious struggle that was sometimes painted across her face vividly, but she didn’t let herself open her eyes.

“She’s okay,” Gwen’s whispered breath came after a few long minutes of focus. 

“Yes, she is,” Becca agreed. Gwen’s eyes opened. And she just seemed different. “That’s what I want you to do. That’s the place you need to go when you feel like you’re about to lose control.”

She just nodded in response. She didn’t have anything else to say in the moment - she was just a little shocked, an uneasy calmness suddenly over her. “Can I be alone for a few minutes?” she asked in the same whispered voice.

Becca nodded. “Of course.” She offered a small smile, and gently rose to a standing position. Lizzy stood up as well, and the two stepped out of the room, the door gently closing behind. Gwen’s attention turned back to the door, ensuring they had left. And she let out a sob.

She didn’t know why she was upset - but at the same time, she wasn’t upset. She felt different. Her irritation was less, maybe it was frustration? She knew she felt frustrated with everything lately, even the things they were trying to help her. Even Blake at times. But she knew he wasn’t doing anything wrong, and she knew his intentions were pure. Her mind got to just be too much, and apparently it could carry her to this point.

Gwen sniffled in another sob, focusing on collecting herself. Her fingers swiped under her eyes and she let out a breath as she slowly stood up a few minutes later. Her hand gently rested on the doorknob - and she exhaled. Real life was back on the other side of that door, and she had to do better. 

If not for herself, for her family.


	23. Glimmer

His face fell in disbelief, but at the same time, held a hint of hope that what his ears were hearing from Lizzy was right.

“I’m going to hire her. I’m going to pay this woman $5000 an hour if that’s what it takes.”

“Hire her as what, exactly?” Lizzy asked him. 

“I have no idea. But it doesn’t matter.”

Blake and Lizzy were on opposite sides of the kitchen island, and even after hearing the story about what had happened at the yoga studio, he didn’t seem to believe it. As soon as Lizzy and Gwen returned home, Gwen had mumbled something about going upstairs and she disappeared as quickly as she had arrived. Lizzy thought she might have just been tired, and made her way into the kitchen to find a worried Blake that had immediately started in with the questions about how their time out went. It just took some processing for him to realize it was good news for once. 

“I think you need to talk to her about that first,” Lizzy warned. “Something good happened today, but she’s still sensitive about people. She needs to feel like she has a voice in this.”

“Did she say something to you about me?” he asked a moment later. “Am I doing something wrong?”

“Blake, no,” she said with a shake of her head. “She didn’t say anything. You’re doing all of the right things. I just know her. And I know in the past when you’ve tried to help her she’s felt guilty about it and it was something she wanted to be asked about first. That’s all.”

“…that’s how Taylor came into her life.” He was stone faced suddenly at the thought. 

“You can’t blame yourself for that,” Lizzy quickly dismissed. “But I just remember that she felt guilty for accepting help from you, especially because I’m sure a nanny was expensive. I’m not saying she’ll say no, I’m just saying you need to make the decision with her. Not _for_ her.”

“Where did she go?” he asked. If her permission was all that was required, he wanted to get on that quick.

“Upstairs,” she responded. Lizzy looked over to see Apollo mesmerized by the television, before looking back to Blake. “I’ll sit down here with him.” It was like she read Blake’s mind, his body already seemed to be pulling him towards the stairs. “Ease the eagerness, cowboy.”

He looked back and nodded briefly at her. “Thanks.”

He began to slowly climb the stairs, various thoughts running through his head. He was trying to contain his enthusiasm. He was trying to contain his eagerness. He was worried it might not last. He wanted to make sure she was okay. He stopped in the doorway of their bedroom, his eyes fell on Gwen’s body curled up and laying on her side of their bed. She was faced away from him, an oversized hoodie over her body as her arms lay shrunk back into the sleeves, hidden from view. After a few footsteps sounded in the room, she opened her eyes and shifted slightly to make eye contact with him. 

“Are you alright?” he asked, coming around to her side. He took a seat on the bed and her cheek laid back against the pillow, but her eyes stayed on him. 

“I just got a little tired,” she replied honestly. 

“I hear that’s a thing,” he said with a small smile. He found himself suddenly shy to ask her about her day, not knowing how to really approach it. 

“Today was okay,” she said. The inquiry was written all over his face.

“Oh?” he stumbled out. “Do you, uhm, want to talk about it?”

Silence fell between them for a few moments. Her face seemed to go from no expression to a struggle for words.

“You don’t have to,” he quickly added, realizing the struggle, however small it was. Her eyes kept focused on him, until a few moments later when her arm reached out towards him. He took her hand, and with a slight tug on her end, pulled him towards her. He obliged, being careful to crawl behind and lay against her, his arm gently, albeit protectively, across her body. His hold tightened for a minute before relaxing once more. 

“I just worry about you,” he continued. Her eyes fixated down on his hand resting against her stomach, and she drew light traces in random patterns around it. “Did uhm. Did that girl help?”

Gwen nodded. “She did.”

“This is the first thing that has helped, hmm?” his voice was gentle, even when he was trying to gear up to go in for the big question he was aiming for, but not quite there just yet.

“I guess it is.”

“Do you want to do more of it?”

“I don’t really even know what “it” is. I didn’t make it through the class.” She sighed. “And yeah I mean, I guess it helped to talk to her but going to a class like that with all of those other super excited pregnant ladies…the thought makes me want to throw up.” Her voice lowered to a whisper. “And I don’t think I can show my face there again. I’m embarrassed.” 

“Nah, baby girl,” he shook his head. “Embarrassin’ would have been me trying to do that yoga stuff instead of Lizzy. That might have scarred your reputation, but nothing even close happened to that.”

He heard a faint, singular giggle emerge. He felt validated. He felt relieved. 

“What if instead of you going to the studio, we see if she can come to the house?” he braved. 

“Blake…”

“…Gwen, before you say no…” She turned in his arms slightly to look at him.

“I wasn’t going to say no,” she said softly, her eyes meeting his. His mouth opened slightly as he looked at her, stunned. “I would say don’t look at me like that, but I guess it’s fair that you thought that would be my first response.”

“I…really?”

“Do you think she would come here?” she asked him next. 

“Gwen, I don’t care how much I have to pay for her to come here…I’ll do anything if this is going to help.”

“I just don’t want you to spend a ton of money on me.”

“You know, you are the most selfless, but most stubborn person I know,” he said with a chuckle. “I need you to get over that, baby. We’re married now. It’s different.” 

“You’ve always been like this,” she corrected.  
“That’s probably true, but still different because we’re married.” 

“Fine, I concede.” 

“Wait, really?” he chuckled. “Aw babe. You must really be tired.”

She shrugged. “No more than usual I suppose.” 

“Well, rest up. Because I know Lizzy has plans for you two in the time she’s here.”

“Yeah, I didn’t really expect her to stop with pre-natal yoga. She’s just getting started. Though at least maybe now she won’t be so focused about pushing relaxation on me, considering how wonderful that turned out.”

“I can make you relax without you even realizin’,” he said softly against her ear. His warm hands slowly slid underneath the back of her sweatshirt, coming to the small of her back. He began to gently knead his fingers into her skin there.

“Mmmm,” she hummed, her eyes closing. Gwen let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding in, and her body seemed to sink slightly more into the mattress. She let her mind concentrate on the movements she felt with his fingers, as one continued on the small of her back, and the other began slowly tracing upwards.

“Do you ever get sick of massaging me?” she asked quietly. “It’s ok if you do. It feels amazing but I don’t want you to feel obligated…”

“No, I couldn’t,” he answered quickly, softly, as he continued. “Shh.”

He continued until he was pretty certain she was napping, and his movements slowed before withdrawing completely. 

———

Blake had been right - she needed to gather all of the strength possible to keep up with Lizzy during her visit. There was something about being around Lizzy that brought her out of her own head. It was the first time she was able to think about the baby, and start to wrap her head around the idea that she had so much to do, and so much to buy. It was the first time the thought of the baby didn’t give her sudden phantom pains along her stomach and a panicked feeling. It was all bittersweet, because sometimes she just felt like she needed to buy a new house first in order to start over and get the peace of mind she so desperately craved. 

The next few days, Lizzy had dragged her to almost every baby centric shop within a fifty mile radius of their home. Seeing all of the cribs, blankets, and toys gave her hope and overwhelmed her. There were so many different options, so many more for little girls than little boys. Getting ready for Apollo had been easy - well, at least with regard to the things to buy. Gavin hadn’t been very supportive, hell, all she remembered were the first few months of her pregnancy being ignored by him because he still hadn’t come around to the idea that a baby was coming. She knew that was the thing she most cherished about Blake was how supportive and excited he was, not only for Georgia, but for Apollo too. 

“You need a baby registry,” Lizzy suggested, tugging at a few onesies hanging on a rack.

Gwen shot her friend an inquisitive look, pulling her gaze away from a pair of booties. “A registry? What for?”

“Uhhh…your baby shower, duh? And when people want to get you things.”

It kind of hit her like a ton of bricks. “I…no, I mean, I don’t think I really have anyone here that wants to be in charge of a party for me. I mean, it’s okay. I don’t even think I know enough people…”

“Gwen, what are you talking about?” Lizzy interrupted. “You have all of your friends from the LA office. You have Mariel, and probably other people I don’t know…and don’t you know a bunch of celebrities now? Adam and Behati? Blake’s crew? Your family, Blake’s family?”

“I mean yeah I’ve met a lot of people through Blake but like, those friendships are so new I can’t put expectations on people to want to come and I don’t want to seem like I’m just asking for gifts or something.”

“You’re way too humble,” Lizzy shook her head with a chuckle. “It’s going to happen even if I have to plan everything from Atlanta, so you might as well hop on board.”

“Stubborn,” she joked. 

“Oh come on. Didn’t you have a blast with the little scan gun going around the store when you were pregnant with Apollo?”

A few moments of silence fell, and with one swift shake of her head she looked back to the clothing in front of her. “I didn’t have one with Apollo, either. I was afraid if I got too excited, Gavin would leave.” 

“Okay, now you are REQUIRED to do this,” Lizzy said matter of factly. “I’m getting the scan gun right now and we’re going to scan half of this store.”

“Lizzy,” Gwen started laughing, watching her friend disappear behind some displays, heading up front. A few minutes passed and she came back, scan gun in hand. 

“If you don’t scan anything, I’m going to scan twice as much,” Lizzy warned her. She held the scan gun out to Gwen, but Gwen didn’t take it. Lizzy was going to call her bluff. “Alternatively, I see a giant twenty foot stuffed giraffe over there that I think Georgia needs in her life so I guess I’ll go ahead and get started…”

“No no no!” Gwen squealed, snatching the scan gun from her friend. “ _Fine_ ” she huffed. 

Lizzy giggled. “I knew that would work.”

Arm in arm, the two of them re-walked all of the isles, scanning different things into the registry. Gwen was definitely more practical in terms of her scans, while Lizzy threw in the stuff for fun like toys and stuffed animals or over the top outfits that were not essential to newborn babies. After they filled up a registry in one store, Lizzy dragged Gwen to the next. After forcing her to complete three separate registries that day, the two of them finally headed home.

The next day the two of them found themselves in the baby’s room, which was currently just full of storage boxes. With Blake’s help in the morning, the heavy boxes were cleared out and the two of them went to work - pulling out the laptop, trying to plan what furniture they needed to get, what color the walls should be, what theme the nursery should have, the whole nine yards. 

Somewhere around 3, after the whole afternoon of planning, Gwen headed downstairs to grab them some iced tea before getting back to work. Her bare feet were silent on the carpeted stairs even though she wasn’t trying to be quiet, but once she neared the bottom, she heard Blake on the phone.

“I can’t do it,” he said. “Look, I know we’ve already done the promotions, I know we’ve sold the tickets, but I can’t just go to Texas right now. I can’t be a three hour flight away from Gwen right now, not after everything…”

A pause came next, Blake’s hand ran through his hair as he listened on the line.

“It doesn’t matter to me how much it costs to cancel. Pay everyone what they were expecting to make, my family…”

His voice trailed off as he felt Gwen’s hand take his phone away, and he turned to face her. Without skipping a beat, she put it up to her ear. 

“Hey, it’s Gwen,” she started. Blake was reaching for the phone from her but she shook her head and took a step back. “Don’t worry about it, he’ll be in Texas. I promise.” And with that, she hung up.

“Why did you do that?” he asked. “Gwen, I don’t need to play this show.”

“Yes you do,” she corrected. “And I’m not going to let you keep cancelling your life for me.”

“I’m not leaving you two here,” he replied. 

“We’re going with you,” she insisted. “Hey, who knows, maybe a few days out of town wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”

“You’re up for it?” he asked, after contemplating a few moments. 

“You’ve done so much for me. Let me make this happen for you.” She handed him his phone back. He took it. 

“If you change your mind…do you promise to let me know?”

“I promise,” she said immediately, walking over to pull two glasses out of the cupboard. She filled them with ice, and then tea. “Besides, someone needs to be making the money to buy all of the furniture Lizzy and I just planned on buying.” 

He wasn’t sure why, but this brought a smile to his face. 

She walked over to him, two iced teas in hand and pressed up on her toes to kiss him. “Love you,” she said, before continuing to make her way back up the stairs, in search of Lizzy. 

He felt a sigh of relief watching her go, and another glimmer of hope.


	24. Waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Sarah, and Chuck, and my lovely DZ girls <3

It was hard seeing her pack up to leave. Lizzy had been there for a week now, but it felt like she had only arrived the day before. She was leaving Gwen in a much better place than before - with a number of baby registries created, a plan for the nursery, and a glimmer of hope and even excitement for the future that had disappeared below the muddled life events that had occurred as of late. 

It hit her even harder when Lizzy rolled her suitcase up to the door, and a few moments later Blake was taking it from her to load it into the car. They really squeezed as much of the day out as they could, but it was getting later in the afternoon and the inevitable was coming. Her old life came flooding back - living in Atlanta, trying to start over, and really only having one friend to rely on so much. The transition from that to dating Blake and everything in between and everything that came with that had been murky, but Lizzy was a rock for her during that time. Getting engaged, moving back to Los Angeles… _god_. Their lives were so different now and it felt like the first time she was realizing that it wouldn’t be the same. 

“I’m sure your boys are excited to get you back,” Gwen said, trying to put on a chipper face, even though it failed. Lizzy just closed her eyes and found herself hugging Gwen gently, being careful not to crush the belly. 

“Hubby called a bit ago, wanted to know why when I make Easy Mac it comes out like Mac and Cheese, but when he tried he burned it in the microwave,” Lizzy said with a chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. “I knew immediately he hadn’t put water in it. Guess what? I was right. I’m likely walking into a house of starved boys of _all_ ages when I get back.”

“Please text me when you land. And when you get home. And just like, a lot after that because I don’t care that you live across the country, I need you in my life.”

“You can’t keep me away, love bug.”

“Driver is ready when you are,” Blake said, walking up to them. “No rush. Plane runs on our time.” He looked awkwardly to the door, then to the stairway, wondering if Gwen wanted him to stay or give them a minute. Blake got his answer as she reached out and clenched his hand tightly, pulling him up next to her. 

“Take care of her, cowboy,” Lizzy said, offering Gwen a smile before glancing up at him. 

“With my life,” he nodded, his hands gently rubbing Gwen’s shoulders as the blonde was able to keep it together. And with that, Lizzy made her way to the car, giving one final wave to them before climbing in and disappearing down the driveway. Gwen stayed still in the doorway until she couldn’t see the car anymore and let out a sigh, wicking moisture away from her eyes. 

“Come on,” he whispered, tugging at her side a bit to move and close the front door. “She’ll be back soon. Ya’ll have a baby shower, right?”

“Yeah,” she said with a laugh. “I guess we do.”

“Sometimes I forget what you gave up to be with me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Lizzy. Atlanta. A fresh start and everything that comes with it. Hell, you met me and we moved right back to where you were trying to get away from.”

“I don’t see it like that,” she said, shaking her head. “I see it as full circle. I was trying to get away, but then I found something worth bringing me back. And yeah, I don’t see Lizzy as much as I want but that’s life. She understands, though. It’s just life.” She turned her gaze up to him, pausing for a moment. “Besides Blake, we’re _married_ now, so it’s different and you should stop thinking like that.” The glimmer in her eye told him she was poking fun at him, and he couldn’t help but chuckle.

“You’re not allowed to use my psychology back against me,” he replied. 

“Whoops too bad, I totally just did.” She grinned. He leaned in and kissed her. 

“So how are you feeling?” he asked next.

“Fine. As good as it gets these days.”

“Good. Well in that case, I’m going to need you to go upstairs and get dressed.”

“Blake, what?” she said with a laugh. “Why? Where do you want to go?”

“I can’t tell you that, I just need you to put on some jeans…grab a sweatshirt, ‘cause you get cold.”

Gwen gave him a skeptical, yet intrigued look. 

“Come on, Blake. Tell me.”

He just shook his head. “Jeans, sweatshirt, shoes. Come on, let’s go. I’ll get Pollo ready.”

Realizing he wasn’t going to budge, she soon turned on her heel towards the staircase to do as he instructed. Blake followed, coming up behind her but making a beeline for Apollo’s room instead. Once Gwen was in their room, she tugged a few things from her closet and began to get dressed. She looked at herself in the mirror in her new maternity jeans she had bought with Lizzy the day before, and a moment later she pulled the sweatshirt she got from San Francisco over her head and slid into her converses. As she turned towards the bedroom door, Blake came inside with Apollo hoisted up on his hip.

“I must be really slow and pregnant if you could get Apollo ready quicker than I could get pants on,” she said. 

“Nah,” he said. “I just told Apollo where we’re going and he jumped into action immediately.”

“Why does Apollo get to know where we’re going??” she practically whined. “That’s so not fair!”

“Well it’s no fun keeping it from him,” he responded. “It’s kind of funny not tellin’ you.”

Their eyes locked for a moment before they both started to laugh. He pecked a kiss on her cheek and she playfully swat him away with her hand. 

“Jerk,” she said. “Is it REALLY that exciting?”

Blake laughed. “Ok, maybe you shouldn’t get your hopes up that we’re going to like, Paris or something,” he mused. “I just want to take my family for a nice outing. We’re not going far.”

Gwen decided in that moment to give up again, and that she would just let him take her where he wanted to go. “Alright. You’ve got me excited, let’s go, cowboys.” She ruffled Apollo’s hair a bit and turned to leave the bedroom, descending the stairs. 

Soon they were out the door and in the car, headed down the road.

Gwen kept her eyes intently focused on the road and her surroundings, trying to guess where they were going. She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction and make guesses, though - she wanted him to think she wasn’t overly curious at this point. The turns they were taking to get out of the neighborhood could have been taking them a myriad of places, and it wasn’t until Blake pulled the truck onto PCH that she had a clue. 

“FISHIES!” Apollo suddenly squealed from the backseat, which caused both of them to giggle. Gwen looked over at Blake.

“Santa Monica Pier, hmm?”

“ _Maybe_ ,” he emphasized, with a shrug. “There’s a lot of things on this road. Lots of piers. Lots of beaches. Restaurants, shops…”

“….ahh, but the one thing that would excite Apollo besides funnel cakes and rides is going to the aquarium to see the F-I-S-H-I-E-S…” she made sure to spell it out, not wanting to trigger Apollo again. I’d wager the pier is the best place for that.”

“Well I guess you’re too smart for your own good,” he said with a shake of his head, and a grin. 

“Plus, I had a little help from the peanut gallery.”

They pulled into the pier parking lot and Blake went immediately for the stroller in the back. Gwen maneuvered out of the car and went around to see Apollo in the back, who was bouncing and clapping in his seat, beyond excited to be there. A huge smile came to Gwen’s face as she kissed the top of his head. Blake came up next to them and reached forward, pulling Apollo into his arms and securing him into the stroller. Gwen began to slowly walk and push it through the parking lot, Blake quickly locking up and sliding his arm around her back. They were walking against the ocean breeze that was picking up, Gwen’s blonde hair going a bit crazy in the wind before they came up to the aquarium entrance.

It didn’t take them long to pay at the front, and soon they were walking the halls surrounded by the sea life. It only took a minute for Apollo to get frustrated in the restraints of his stroller and began whining and bouncing, trying to get one of them to let him out.

“Okay, buddy, I know, it’s very exciting,” Blake said, coming to the front to unstrap him and pull him out, placing him gently on the ground. The moment his little feet made contact with the earth he was sprinting off to the nearest tank, pressing his little nose up against it in awe. “Some things never change,” Blake said with a grin, watching him. 

“And some things do,” Gwen mused, a hand going to her stomach as she offered him a smile. She looked back to Apollo. “It takes you back, doesn’t it?”

“Right back to day one,” Blake responded. “Well I guess, _technically_ , day two.”

“You wouldn’t take no for an answer back then,” she giggled. “I remember being terrified of you,” she admitted a few seconds later.

“What?” Blake laughed. “No way. I don’t believe that. You’re the one that was scarin’ me.”

“Believe it, cowboy,” she responded. “Everything I saw in you that early on was the last thing I was looking for. I was trying to hold you back at arm’s length for as long as I could. It wasn’t long, but it was really hard.” She paused, her head nodding a bit to gesture to Apollo. “You were so good with him, like, immediately. You were radical. You contradicted everything I had learned up to that point about men.”

“Well, what about you?” Blake deflected. “Here’s this gorgeous, funny, loving, intelligent, amazing-mom type of girl that came along and I don’t know what I did to get you interested, but I’m glad I did it.”

Gwen rolled her eyes as her own deflection. “Ok so we’re both two really great people that fell in love with each other and we were both scared of each other and we both love our children and the life we’ve built together,” she concluded. 

“Dreams come true,” he added. He caught a glimpse of Apollo in the corner of his eye sprinting off towards the next exhibit. “Pollo, come on, wait for us!” he called out. The toddler stopped dead in his tracks and his head jerked back to look at Blake, eyes wide. Gwen let out a giggle and pushed the stroller forward as Blake took a few long strides towards the toddler, scooping him up.

“Did you see the big fishies over there?” he asked, nodding towards the tank he had been running towards. “And the seahorses are over there too, I know your momma likes those the best.” Blake kept walking towards the tank and stopped in front of it. Apollo’s little fingers touched the glass as he was once again mesmerized. They continued like this for a while, eventually moving between the different tanks and exploring the various sea creatures. Suddenly noticing Gwen wasn’t next to him he looked over his shoulder expecting her to be close. But what he saw instead made his heart sink. She hadn’t moved forward, her hands were clenching the stroller and she was bent forward at the hip. 

“Hey,” he said in a panicked voice, his long strides quickly closing the distance between them as he came to her side. “What happened? What do you need?”

She was silent for a moment. “Bathroom,” was all she said. Blake’s head shot up and he looked around, trying to find one. He spotted one off in the corner. “Come on, take my arm, I’ve got the stroller. There’s one right over there.” Blake’s hand grabbed the stroller and turned it around quickly, keeping Apollo secure in his arm. Once he felt Gwen’s hand take hold of his arm they walked forward together, up to the entrance. 

“Do you need me?” he asked, as she let go of him. She shook her head and disappeared a moment later. 

Apollo’s attention shifted to the fish tank next to them, which kept him occupied. They took a few steps away to look at it, Blake’s eyes shifting back to the bathroom door every time he thought he saw someone come out. About ten minutes passed before she came out.

“I’m okay,” she said, before Blake even had a chance to ask. 

“Do you want to go home?” he asked. 

“No, no. I just might need some air…maybe some water. I just felt really sick all of a sudden, I don’t know why.”

“Air and water we can do,” his arm went around her, kissing the top of her head. He moved around the stroller and put Apollo back in, strapping him up and giving him a toy to distract him. They walked out the front, finding their way onto the pier. Gwen took a deep breath in and out a few times, the saltwater breeze acting as a calming agent. There was an empty bench with an ocean view and Gwen moved forward to take a seat, Blake sitting on the side and pulling Apollo up to join them. He reached into the back of the stroller and found the ginger tabs and a small bottled water, handing it to Gwen.

“Glad we still carry these around,” he said. She immediately took them and took a few sips of water, eventually resting her head against his chest, his arm now around her. They sat in silence for a few minutes before he spoke again. “Better?”

“Yes,” she said. “That was the weirdest thing. It’s like one minute I was fine, the next I felt so sick. Even more so than first trimester. But hey, can’t beat the ocean view we ended up with.”

“Birdiiiiiies!” Apollo squealed, laughing up at Blake as the toy that had distracted him suddenly became forgotten. The seagulls were nearby, and he was bouncing up and down again. 

“There should be some crackers in his bag,” she offered. Blake reached over and dug into the bag, pulled them out and pulled them apart into little pieces, handing them to Apollo. He immediately put one of the crackers in his mouth before taking the next one and tossing it at the birds nearby. The cracker bounced off of one of the bird’s heads, causing him to giggle and throw another. 

Gwen’s eyes fixated to the right, following along the pier and to the beach below them. There weren’t as many people there as she thought there would be, but they ranged from surfers to families packing up as the sun set. She saw a couple hand in hand walking the pier together. The lights from Pacific Park were shining bright. 

“You know, we live so close and yet I don’t think we’ve come down here before,” he said. 

Blake’s words pulled her from the fixation with her surroundings. “You’ve suggested we come here a few times. I always chose to go somewhere else.”

This realization hadn’t hit him until now. 

“I didn’t realize,” he admitted. “Was uhhh, there a reason for that?”

“It’s a complicated place,” she said. “We’d come here when I was a kid, but that’s mostly long forgotten. More recent times, I’d come and walk the pier when I needed to get away. I came here a lot when I was pregnant with Apollo, actually, just by myself…needed to think. And…” she hesitated, because she knew what the knowledge of the information she was about to give him might do. “….this is where Gavin kind of proposed to me. If you could even call it that.”

“Oh,” was all he said. Blake seemed a little dumbfounded as he processed this new information. “So this was a bad idea.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

Their eyes met in silence. 

“There’s something about sitting and staring at the ocean that makes me feel like I’m sitting on the edge of the world,” she explained. “It makes you think. I’ve done a lot of that here before. That’s not my life anymore, though, I don’t have a reason to need to get away. And I like being here with you right now because I want a memory with you here. One to start erasing all of the others.” 

She gave a small smile, and he returned one back. 

“So tell me what you guys decided for the nursery,” he prompted her, knowing she would probably love talking about it. He was right - she grinned immediately, and started going on and on about the paint for the walls, the themes she was going back and forth between, and the furniture she had ordered. She popped another ginger tablet and she explained the layout of the room and all of the fancy things Lizzy forced her to put on a registry to go in it. Apollo was occupied throwing crackers and trying to land them on the birds heads. 

He was listening, he swore it, but he just hoped Gwen wasn’t going to ask him specifics about what she was talking about because all he could do in those moments was watch her, watch him, and realize how lucky he was to have them in his life.


	25. Lone Star

_One week later - Houston, Texas_

She hadn’t anticipated that leaving would be hard.

The home that she still felt a bit foreign in, unsure of - the place that was so hard to go back to, it turned out to be just as weirdly difficult to leave. It wasn’t until she was packed up with Apollo and headed out the door that it hit her - there was some part of her that didn’t want to leave. Maybe it had nothing to do with the home itself - maybe it was just the uncertainty of rejoining society a bit more that week. Maybe the flight was making her nervous. 

The flight ended up being uneventful, though. It wasn’t a long wait from their bags being loaded into the plane to the sudden jolt felt across the cabin as they touched down on Texas ground. Apollo seemed to be in good spirits, and Georgia wasn’t making her stomach twist up in knots. Everything seemed just fine, but then, maybe that was ultimately what was unsettling. The plane came to a halt, the stairs were brought down, and they made their way to the front of the cabin to descend. Blake grabbed all of their bags in the plane and scooped Apollo into one of his arms, Gwen trailing a few steps behind. 

“There he is!” a female voice came from the bottom of the stairs, which Gwen immediately recognized as Dot. She had almost forgotten she was coming down from Oklahoma to see them in Texas for this show. She had been so preoccupied with herself, it slipped her mind. She felt a pang of guilt about that.

“Oh my goodness, look at how big this one has gotten!” Dot exclaimed, taking Apollo in. He grinned widely, flashing all of his teeth at Dot, which just made both of them laugh. “Always a sweet little boy.” Blake reached over and pulled his mother into a hug with Apollo still in his arms. Gwen came up behind them, taking the last few steps down and off the plane. 

“Oh Gwen,” Dot said, letting go of Blake. “You look so beautiful pregnant. Especially since…you know,” she sighed and gave her a smile, before hugging her gently. “My newest grandbaby is in there.”

“She is,” Gwen said with a proud smile, her arms coming around Dot to return the hug. 

“Georgia, it’s just so perfect. She’s going to be perfect,” Dot said, gently letting Gwen out of her embrace, but her hands soon found their way to rest on Gwen’s stomach. Dot yanked them back immediately when she realized what she was doing. “Oh, Gwen, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…I mean, is it okay that I…?” She looked back and forth between her and Blake, worried that she might of misstepped. 

It took Gwen a second to realize what she meant, but her eyes went wide a bit. “Oh no, please,” she said, reaching for Dot’s hands to direct them back to her stomach. She lightly directed them to one side. “You know it’s funny, she’s been pretty still today, but as soon as she heard your voice I felt her start to squirm around again. She knows you’re here.”

“You’re going to make me tear up, sweetheart,” Dot responded. 

“Wait, she moved again,” Gwen said, moving one of Dot’s hands to the other side. She applied a bit of pressure against her hand and suddenly looked like a light went on in her eyes and she looked at Dot. “Do you feel that?”

“Yes! Oh, Gwen, it’s just the sweetest thing,” she gasped.

“Hey! I want to feel the baby move!” Blake said, tone reminiscent of a child, which only made her giggle. As soon as he came up next to them, the baby stopped.

“Poor Blake. The few times he’s gotten close to feeling her lately she stops as soon as he comes over. I’m telling you, she’s playing you.”

“Have you told Apollo?” she asked curiously.

“Uhmmm…” Gwen stuttered, glancing at Blake. “I’m not sure if he would really understand? Or if he does, how he’ll take it? I know we need to, soon, we just need to talk about it. I’m a little nervous.”

“It’ll be alright,” she reassured. 

At that moment, Apollo wiggled out of Blake’s arm and as soon as his sneakers hit the ground, he took off running for the car waiting for them nearby.

“Someone’s ready to hit the road!” Dot said, coming up behind Apollo. She reached up and gently tugged the door handle with him, opening the door. Apollo scurried around and climbed into the car. Blake’s arm came around Gwen’s shoulders for a few strides as they also headed towards the car. He placed a kiss on the side of her forehead before they climbed into the car, driving off.

————

When they arrived at the venue half an hour later, they headed straight back for the elaborate dressing room set up under Blake’s name - it was more like a hotel suite, really, just minis the king sized bed and privacy. It always brought back memories. In addition to large couches and an entertainment center, there was a full kitchen that was fully stocked with snacks and drinks. Apollo went running in and did a running lap around the room as soon as he got there, and Gwen was tugging her things in the room. She immediately went to the cabinets in search of a snack for Apollo - it was about that time.

“Mr. Shelton, we don’t need you for a few hours, but let us know if you need anything or want to order a late lunch in. There are menus in the drawer next to the fridge,” she heard someone say. 

“Thanks man, we appreciate it. I think we’ll get settled and go from there,” Blake replied. He turned to Gwen. “I’ll be back, I’m going to grab a few more things.”

“Mmkay,” she responded, pulling a box of goldfish from the cabinet. “Pollo, baby, why don’t we sit down and have some goldfish and see whats on TV?” Gwen moved towards the couch and put a paper plate on the table next to it, and Apollo came waddling over. Gwen poured a handful of goldfish on the plate. Apollo picked one up, grinned, and leaned forward and held it up to Gwen’s lips. She made an “aaah” noise as she opened her mouth, letting him feed it to her. She pretended to nibble on his fingers which made him squeal and pull away. Dot was sitting nearby watching them together, unable to take her eyes off them. 

“You’re a great mom, Gwen,” she said, which turned her attention briefly back over to Dot. “And you’re doing an amazing job.”

“It won’t always be like this,” she responded, deflecting. “It’s a scary thought to think that soon I’ll be outnumbered.”

“You won’t be outnumbered. You’ll have Blake. And he’s a great dad to Apollo, but Lord I bet he’s going to be triple overprotective of a daughter.”

Gwen watched Apollo pluck another goldfish cracker off of the plate, but this time he decided to eat it. She ruffled his curls and reached for the remote, turning the TV on. She turned a few channels, trying to find a kids channel, but froze when she saw something that looked familiar. 

It was her.

It was a local news program. It was a picture of Blake in the upper right hand corner, and video footage of her being lifted out of an ambulance, unconscious. She wasn’t sure if she was horrified because it was on TV, or because she didn’t remember any of it. The announcer was talking about the concert Blake was playing and how he had disappeared for a while to care for his wife, a _who doesn’t remember this horrifying thing that happened?_ type report, but it definitely just hit her that even through all of this, she had never seen actual footage of the event. 

“Gwen?” Dot asked a bit worried, leaning out of her seat. Gwen didn’t hear her - her eyes were glued to the TV. A moment later Blake opened the door and came in with a few more bags from their car, and Dot stood up and looked at him with a worried glance. Her head nodded to Gwen. He took a few more steps, and realized what was on the TV. He sat the bags down where he was standing, and closed the distance between them. Blake reached for the remote in her hands to turn it off, and that was the one thing that got her attention.

“No,” she said hoarsely, her eyes not leaving the screen. He sat next to her instead, watching her. It took a while before she was able to speak.

“Cameras followed to the hospital?” she asked. 

“I…yeah,” Blake said in response. “I didn’t realize it at the time. I’ve…seen this before.” 

She paused. 

“It’s weird to see videos I don’t remember,” she said quietly. 

Blake tried again for the remote, and she let him take it this time. He changed the channel, finding a kids program which immediately captivated Apollo. He set the remote gently on the table, his arm coming around her shoulders, and he hugged her to him. 

“You alright?” he asked quietly. 

“Yeah,” she affirmed in a whisper, with a curt nod of her head. “Yeah, I’m fine.” There was nothing she could do about it, but it still felt violating in a weirder way than it had in the past. “To get over it you need to get through it, right?”

Blake was cautious about her suddenly dismissive attitude - he wasn’t sure if she was really alright or just covering. “You’ve got us here if you need us,” he said a moment later. Dot came around and took a seat on the other side of Gwen, and Gwen forced a smile at her. 

“It’s fine, everything is fine,” she said more definitively. “Hey, I am getting kind of hungry, maybe we can look at those menus to see if there is anything good to order around here?” she suggested. Her hand went protectively to her stomach. She started noticing she did that when there was any mention of what had happened. 

“Of course, I’ll grab them,” Dot said, doing just that. 

Blake pecked a quick kiss on Gwen’s lips which caused her neutral pout to show a hint of a smile.

They were able to spend some time together - the four of them - before Blake’s obligations began. Gwen had taken Apollo off to find a bathroom when Blake left, and Dot had followed Blake towards the stage where he was running soundcheck. Gwen and Apollo walked the halls back together and she heard the sounds of Blake’s guitar faintly echoing off the walls. Apollo seemed to get excited when he heard the music, and Gwen couldn’t help but smile a bit. There was something about being backstage at one of Blake’s shows that would seriously never get old - there was so much nostalgia tied to it, so many memories that would come flooding back. The guitar got louder as they got closer back to the stage. 

Gwen paused at the back entrance, and spotted Dot sitting on top of one of the equipment trunks. She suddenly felt a wave of guilt wash over her as she looked at the woman that she loved like family, a woman who had been so accepting and welcoming of her into her own family. Her feet took her forward and she soon found herself sitting next to her, Apollo in tow. 

“I’m really happy that you’re here, _mom_ ,” she said quietly, with a smile and a shy glance up at her. She knew Dot liked it when she called her that, and this was confirmed as the older woman seemed to beam with pride. 

“Gwen, that means so much,” she said in return. 

“I haven’t…” Gwen began, but then stopped herself. She found herself letting out a breath, a bit awkwardly, as Dot’s attention was now fully on her. “It’s been hard…” she tried again.

“…I know. I know it has,” Dot said, when she realized Gwen didn’t have the words on her second attempt, either. “And you don’t need to apologize for struggling. I’m here for you if you need anything.” Her arm went around Gwen and tugged her a bit closer. Gwen found herself letting her head rest gently on Dot’s shoulder. A few moments of silence passed between them, before Dot spoke again. “Gwen…would it be ok if…” her words trailed off. Gwen was curious and sat up straight, her eyes now intent on Dot. 

“Tell me,” she prompted.

“Well, I was just thinking about baby Georgia…and, you know, I’d love to come visit as soon as you all are feeling up to it when she’s here, I don’t want to intrude,” she explained. “But she’s my granddaughter. And, you know Apollo….he feels just as much as my own grandson, and I want to be as involved in his life too…and I don’t want to take anything away from your mother, I know that’s his grandma…but…would it be alright…”

“Yes,” she said immediately, her eyes wide, realizing where it was going. “Of course it’s alright…Apollo would be honored to have you as an official grandma.”

The two women smiled at one another, and Gwen glanced onto the stage and caught Blake staring at them both, seemingly curious about what they were talking about. Apollo stood up and started tugging on Gwen, wanting to go back to the “snack room”, as he called it. Gwen took a moment and stood, giving a quick wave to Blake to show they were going back to the dressing room.

The day seemed to go by slowly, which was weirdly something Gwen felt thankful for. She was content, Blake was at his second home being at a venue before a show, and the impact of LA seemed to be fading. By the time Blake took the stage it felt like it should have been midnight, even though it was only eight. She was wide awake, though, and couldn’t help but grin as soon as he started singing the first song on his setlist. She had missed this. 

Apollo’s attention that night wasn’t on her level, though. Six or seven songs in, he started getting cranky. He tried running towards Blake a few times, with Gwen catching his shirt in the knick of time. However, the fourth attempt wasn’t something she was able to stop, and she watched in sheer horror as Apollo went full speed running onto the stage as Blake was in the middle of a song.

“Pollo!” she said through gritted teeth, lurching forward, but stopping as soon as she got to the side stage curtain. She didn’t want to just run out on stage in the middle of the song, too. Gwen heard some laughs coming from the crowd as Apollo waddled up towards Blake, and it only took him a second to catch on and look over, seeing his little guy coming towards him. He finished the verse of the song and threw his head back slightly and started laughing, continuing to strum his guitar as he realized Apollo was now dancing next to him. 

Gwen caught Blake’s eye and she looked panicked, trying to pick up a clue what he wanted her to do. He shook his head and finished the last verse of the song, swung his guitar behind him and scooped him up in his arms.

“Mr. Apollo Shelton, everybody,” he spoke into the microphone, and there were even more laughs and claps coming from the audience. He took a bow with Apollo in his arms, and motioned at Gwen and Dot to come on the stage. “It’s perfect timing, actually, this was about when I was going to pull this beautiful wife of mine out here anyways.” He strategically handed Apollo to Dot, and took Gwen’s hand instead before she was about to duck away, shyly, backstage. “Isn’t she just the most gorgeous pregnant lady you’ve ever seen?”

“We love you, Gwen!” someone screamed loudly from the audience, which caused her hand to cover her face. A few more echoed similar sentiments as the crowd roared with approval. Blake brought her around and sat her down on a high stool near his standing microphone. She shot him a confused look and mouthed, _What are you doing?_

“This lady right here has had a rough few months,” he said next, the crowd seemed to quiet. “But she’s the most amazing, strongest woman I’ve ever met. And I don’t tell her enough what a privilege it is to be her husband.” Gwen’s cheeks flushed slightly, her eyes keeping on Blake instead of moving to the crowd. She was sure if she looked at the crowd, she’d get even more nervous. Blake struck a few familiar chords on the guitar, but she couldn’t quite place them yet.

“I thought for tonight I’d throw a cover in from another artist…one that ya’ll probably wouldn’t expect from me,” Blake continued. “I’m just a country boy, after all.” Gwen raised her brow curiously. “She probably thinks I forgot about this song, but I didn’t.” He struck a few more chords, and it was killing Gwen internally where she recognized that from. Blake continued playing, before he began singing, softer than usual.

_Give me love like her_  
_Cause lately I’ve been waking up alone_  
_Paint splattered teardrops on my shirt_  
_Told you I’d let them go…_

She was suddenly mesmerized, her thoughts going back to the first night they met. It was the song they first danced to. It was the song playing when Gwen realized she was falling so hard, so fast, without a safety net. She hadn’t wanted that night to end. Gwen didn’t even think Blake would remember an Ed Sheeran song, it was far from country, and yet…here he was, in front of thousands, playing it for her.

_Give a little time to me, or burn this out_  
_We’ll play hide and seek to turn this around_  
_All I want is the taste that your lips allow_  
_My, my, my, my, oh give me love_  
_My, my, my, my oh give me love_

He continued singing as these thoughts swirled around in her head, a permanent smile fixed on her lips. A delayed reaction and she realized he ended the song as she felt his hands squeeze hers and pull her to stand up, planting a kiss on her lips. The crowd cheered loudly behind them, but she was just focused on him. She leaned in towards him, lips almost brushing against his ear. 

“I love you so much, cowboy.”


End file.
